18
Fiona
Jamesand I were sitting on the patio of the café downstairs waiting for Li to arrive. He’d sent a message with James that he would meet us after an urgent errand. They’d been to the embassy earlier and had asked that I wait until dinner to hear what they’d learned. I feared it would be bad news. Every time I thought of it, my stomach did a nervous flip.
When Henri came to take our orders, Li had not yet arrived. We ordered a first course of fresh oysters and crisp white wine for three. The little boys were upstairs with Gabriella, having their dinner and being put to bed.
James seemed antsy, wriggling around like Flynn had when we were children and been forced to dress nicely for supper.
“What’s gotten into you?” I asked. “You’re fidgeting.”
“Nothing really.” He smiled mischievously.
“How come you and Li are suddenly chums?” I stared at him with suspicion, hoping to shame him into giving me answers. They’d both acted differently toward each other since yesterday. I was glad of it, but I had a feeling they were up to something. “Confess, please.”
“We had a nice chat, that’s all,” James said, feigning innocence by raising both eyebrows.
“I told him I needed a wealthy wife. Which is true, of course.”
“James, you didn’t.” I couldn’t stop the laughter that bubbled up from my belly.
“I wanted to see what it would do.”
“What did he say?” I asked.
“He didn’t say much.” James buttered a piece of bread and held it aloft as he contemplated my question. “It was more what he didn’t say that makes me think jealousy is eating at him. For one thing, he doesn’t like me. Everyone likes me.”
I laughed. “No one is liked by everyone. For example, as lovely as I am, I would guess that referee from the boxing match doesn’t care for me.”
“Darling, it’s entirely obvious. The man loves you.”
I studied my dinner companion, hope rising in me until I was full of it. “Do you really think so? But why would he say otherwise?”
“I told him he was a fool and if he didn’t change his ways, he was going to lose you.”
“What did he say to that?”
“Something about selflessness,” James said.
It seemed as if the floor opened up under me and I went crashing into hard stone. “Do you think he…?”
“I do. That’s precisely what I think. He believes you’re better off without him, so he told you he doesn’t return your feelings. He’s a good man, possibly great, sacrificing his own happiness in the hope that you’ll find someone who will give you an easy life.”
Tears pricked my eyes. I covered my face with one hand, hoping to compose myself.
“It wouldn’t be the end of the world if we married, would it?” James asked. “You and me?”
I uncovered my eyes. “What?”
“What if we married? You could take him as a lover later, like so many of the women do here. That solves all our problems.”
“James, no. You’re not serious, are you?”
He laughed. “I’m only teasing you. However, I could think of worse things than being married to you. It would solve a lot of my problems.”
“Well, I’m serious about you coming home with me,” I said. Of all the problems in the world for which I had no solutions, this one was clear. “I’ll give it to you. Whatever you need. I have plenty in my trust. You can work for Papa in some capacity if need be. My parents will have you as a guest. You can stay as long as you like. Perhaps you’ll like small-town life.” I spoke as if it were already decided, hoping my confidence would persuade him.
It was his turn to bury his face behind his hands and take in a long, shuddering breath. “Why can’t it be simple?”
I studied him, his chiseled features and beautiful eyes. How was it possible that I had not fallen for him? But it wasn’t right. There was not the spark of desire or longing that I felt with Li. And anyway, what about James and his needs? He was a romantic like me. He would want to hold out for true love if he possibly could, not marry for money. The woman of his dreams was out there, I felt sure of it. “I adore you, James West.”
“And I adore you.”
“It’s useless to wish for something that simply isn’t true. Life doesn’t work out the way we want it to sometimes. We must remain fast friends, however, and support each other no matter what comes.”
“I agree in theory. However, I have nothing to offer you,” James said.
“Your friendship is enough. You’re like a brother to me.” I touched a finger to my bread knife, surprised to find it warm as if it had just come from the wash. “You deserve love, James, not compromise simply because your father went through all your family money. In addition, what if Li changes his mind? I have to wait, just in case.” Saying the words out loud made me feel like a fool. “Hope is a fickle beast, isn’t she?”
“Hope is all we have at times. The idea of getting up each morning with no prospects is no way to live. Even if we are delusional, we must believe that better times are ahead.”
“Hope is the bravest of all decisions, then?” I asked. “Even in the face of doom?”
“I believe so. As far as that goes—when you have nothing as I have—there’s nowhere but upward.” He sounded so sad and without hope that my chest ached.
“You have a lot, James. Friends who love you, especially me. You’ve been my true companion these last few months. Someday, you’ll be in the position to repay me. That’s how it goes, you know, the ups and downs of life. No one is up forever. Or down, for that matter. Friendship is about being there for all the spaces in between the trials and triumphs.”