ChapterFour
Carla wrapped her hands around the mug of coffee that was well on its way to being lukewarm. She swiveled on the barstool, debating a run to get rid of this restless energy, but she didn’t want Ashley to wake up on her own. Plus, it had snowed last night, and she didn’t want to risk slipping on the icy sidewalk.
She shouldn’t be this restless. She’d had a wonderful break. The dinner she’d gone to last night had been fun, but Carla couldn’t remember ever struggling to be present the way she had these last few weeks.
Yes, she’d had a great time with her family or with her coworkers last night, but her mind always ended up drifting, wondering what Ashley was doing right now, or trying to picture the two of them there, as a couple.
A lot of the time, Carla honestly couldn’t picture it. But even so, Ashley was never too far from her mind, and then when they were together… Carla didn’t have words to describe what had happened last night.
A part of her had been afraid that spending almost three weeks apart would ruin their chemistry, ruin the routine they’d become so used to, but the opposite was true. Last night had been off the charts.
Carla still didn’t know what had come over her. Why she had to go… Confessing things. Why she had to tell Ashley that she was falling for her. That had been completely unnecessary.
And thankfully, they hadn’t spoken about it since. Ashley had been so spent after Carla had climbed on top of her and taken her from behind that she’d dozed off for a few minutes, and when she finally rolled onto her back, they were kissing again, and Ashley was the one climbing on top of Carla.
They’d fallen asleep in each other’s arms without either of them mentioning what Carla had said. Maybe, Ashley had been so caught up in getting her release that she hadn’t even taken in Carla’s words properly. Hopefully, that was the case, because Carla knew that having serious feelings for Ashley would not work out well for her.
There were just too many complications. Even if they did get through another few months of this, of sneaking around, of not telling anyone, then what? Surely, Ashley had dreams, goals to go after, that would more than likely take her far away from here.
“Hey.”
Carla turned to see Ashley padding into the kitchen. She was wearing a faded gray t-shirt and a pair of navy plaid pajama bottoms, both of which were Carla’s.
She’d offered them to Ashley weeks ago, hating that they weren’t in a place where Ashley could leave some of her things here, but most weekends Ashley came with a bag, so she rarely ever wore them. Seeing Ashley in her clothes now though left Carla feeling a little lightheaded, and the words that had slipped out last night came back to her.
‘I shouldn’t be falling for you anyway. But I think I am.’
“Hi,” Carla said when Ashley came into the kitchen, her hair swept across one shoulder. “Did you sleep okay?”
“Yeah. Like a log.” Ashley didn’t head over to the coffee machine like she normally would. Instead, she slid onto the stool beside Carla. “You?”
Carla momentarily got lost in Ashley’s sea blue eyes. “What did you say?”
Ashley arched an eyebrow. “I asked if you slept okay.”
“Yeah. Yes.” Carla cleared her throat. “I did. Until this morning. I couldn’t fall back asleep, so I uh… I just got up.”
On top of being restless, apparently, she was nervous too. Why though? She was in her own apartment. Ashley was here. Things were fine between them. Why was she stumbling over her words?
Ashley held her gaze. “Are you okay? You seem… On edge or something. Do you want me to go? I don’t need to stay the whole weekend if you have something else going on.”
“No. I don’t want you to go. But you know… If you have somewhere else to be.” Carla’s voice trailed off.
“Are we okay?” Ashley asked with a sigh. “I always keep my weekends free. You know that. Unless something’s changed?”
Carla searched Ashley’s eyes. “Do you remember what I said last night?”
Ashley’s expression never changed. “About deciding when I can come?”
Carla couldn’t keep the smile off her face. “No. Not that bit.”
“Oh. You mean, what you said about falling for me?”
Carla nodded.
“And about being more invested in this than I am?” Ashley asked.
Carla inhaled a shaky breath as she looked away. “Yeah. That too.”
“Well, I highly doubt that.”
Carla turned. “What?”
“There is no way that you could be more invested in this than me.” Ashley raked a hand through her hair. “And while we’re confessing things, I um… I need to tell you something.”
Carla’s stomach dropped. Her first thought was that Ashley had been with someone else. And Carla couldn’t be upset with her for that because Ashley was free to see whoever she wanted to. They weren’t officially together.
“What is it?” Carla asked, managing to keep her voice level.