When I climb back out and find myself still sitting next to Audrey, I answer her question.
"No, Audrey. I didn't kill him, but..."
"But what?"
I shake my head and feel some tears register in my eyes. I keep them in there.
"What, Ed? What did you do?"
Slowly. I talk the words. Slowly.
Slowly....
"I took that man up to the Cathedral and had a gun jammed into his head. I pulled the trigger but didn't shoot him. I aimed for the sun." Treading over it like this doesn't help. "He's left town and hasn't come back. I'm not sure if he ever will."
"Does he deserve to?"
"What's deserve got to do with anything? Who the hell am I to decide, Audrey?"
"All right." Her hand touches me gently, in peace. "Calm down."
"Calm down?" I snap now. "Calm down? While you're screwin' that guy, while Marv plots his pointless soccer match, while Ritchie does whatever the hell he does when he's not playing cards, and while the rest of this town sleeps, I'm doing its dirty laundry."
"You're chosen."
"Well, that's comforting!"
"Then what about the old lady and that girl? Weren't they good things?"
I slow down. "Well, yeah, but--"
"Was the other one worth it for the sake of them?"
Damn.
I hate her.
I agree.
"It's just...I wish it was easier, for me, you know?" I make a special point not to look at her. "I wish it was someone else who was chosen for this. Someone competent. If only I didn't stop that robbery. I wish I didn't have to go through with it all." It comes gushing out, with words like spilled milk. "And I wish it was me with you and not that other guy. I wish it was my own skin touching with yours...."
And there you have it.
Stupidity in its purest form.
"Oh, Ed." Audrey looks away. "Oh, Ed."
Our feet dangle.
I watch them, and I watch the jeans on Audrey's legs.
We only sit there now.
Audrey and me.
And discomfort.
Squeezed in, between us.