Rocco's Atonement

“What the fuck, Ever? Who did this to you?” I look up her body and see tears rolling down her face as she shakes her head back and forth.

“Please. I changed my mind. Leave now,” she whimpers, but I’m not leaving her.

“Not a fucking chance, Ever. Never ever am I leaving you. Do you understand that?”

“No.” She covers her face. I rise up and pull her body up to mine. I wrap her around me and lift her up off the counter as she cries more. I grab her clothes and move through the condo to her room. I kick the door closed and lie with her on the bed. She tries to push away from me, but I’m stronger and I hold her close.

Her tears eventually stop and she hiccups. We lie there longer. The implications of what I found cause my body to tighten up more.

“When I was sixteen Milton snuck into my room and tried touching me. He told me someday he was going to have me. I freaked out because I knew it was wrong. I complained to Carmen about it, and she beat me until I lost consciousness. When I came to, I was tied down to a table with my hands behind my back and my legs strapped. She used a cigarette on me. Milton used a cigar. He’s the one who put them on the inside of my thighs. He said no man would want me if he saw them. They’d know I was defective.” Her words are toneless and quiet. I want to kill them both. My body vibrates with anger. She sits up and looks down at me. “Are you okay? If you want to leave, I’ll understand.”

I pull her down onto my chest, her hair falls around us, sheltering us from the world. I cup her cheeks gently in my large palms. “Guinevere, I’ve said it many times, but maybe you need to hear it this way. I’m in love with you. I knew it the moment you looked into my eyes with your beautiful multicolored eyes. I knew the moment I saw you running down the sidewalk that you were special to me and needed to be saved. I’m never letting you go. I don’t think you’re defective, broken, or anything else that you think others think of you. Or what those idiots told you. You are strong. You are a survivor. I want to be in your world. I want to be with you always. Please don’t make me leave you.”

“I’ve been dreaming about you since you saved me. I want you to be with me. I love you too,” she says, and I pull her down to me and take her lips gently, pouring my heart into the kiss, not my lust. I desire her. I want her body, but in this moment I want her heart. She wraps around me and holds me to her. I roll us so I’m hovering over her body.

“I’m going to get you dressed and then I’m going to hold you while we sleep. You need rest and I need to hold you.”

She nods and I do just that.