I was frozen with fear as his strength kept me pinned.
For long seconds, all he did was keep his body pressed to mine. He was breathing so hard, his warm breath brushing against my ear. He had his other hand braced on the mattress. And because I had my head turned, I could see he was clenching the blanket in his fist.
I felt like I couldn’t breathe even though I was getting plenty of oxygen through my nose.
“Don’t be scared.”
My heart started racing faster as he spoke Russian low and deep. I couldn’t tell what was familiar about him, but his scent reminded me of something. His voice was rough and husky, and I knew I’d never heard it before, but it caused this strange tingle at the back of my subconscious, as if nudging me that there was something more to all of this.
“I’m not going to hurt you.”
I didn’t know why I found his words even more frightening, but it was like an electrical shock jolted through my body, survival instinct kicking in, giving me one more burst of energy.
I fought, struggled beneath him, but his body was so big, so hard and muscular, that it was like a brick wall on top of me.
The hand that was by my head clenched against the blanket.
“Little dancer, I told you I wouldn’t hurt you.” His voice was rough and I couldn’t tell if it was anger or something else. I lay frozen beneath him, knowing logically that if I wanted to survive I needed to be smart and not let my fear make me do stupid moves.
He was too strong for me to fight, especially in this position, so I lay there panting, accepting his weight on my body as he pushed me down further into the mattress.
I didn’t know where my guard was, but it was clear if this man had broken into my apartment he’d have taken care of that protection.
I started breathing harder and faster, hyperventilating so it felt like I couldn’t get any oxygen into my lungs.
“I need you to be a good girl and calm down.” His voice was steady and smooth. “I’m going to take my hand off your mouth so that you can breathe easier. But you’re not gonna scream, right?” Although he phrased it like a question, I knew it was anything but. “I need you to answer me, milaya moyna.” My sweet.
My breath caught. Only one person had ever called me that.
He growled, and that confusion and fear ratcheted in me.
He moved the palm that was on my mouth down to curl around my throat. And although the weight was heavy, he didn’t add pressure and I could breathe easily.
I closed my eyes and squeezed them tightly, feeling tears track down the corners.
A rough noise came from his throat, and I couldn’t help but feel like he was pleased that I obeyed and hadn’t yelled for help. I sucked in big gulps of air. That dizziness started to fade the longer I breathed in and out.
Soon I wasn’t panting, my head didn’t feel dizzy, and I was thinking more rationally.
He removed the hand that was around my neck to place it beside my head. He braced his palms on the mattress and pushed his upper body up slightly so his face hovered above mine.
He wore a hoodie, which concealed most of his face, and although it was too dark in the room to see his features, and my eyes were blurry from crying, I did spy tattoos creeping up his thickly corded neck when he shifted slightly above me.
For long seconds, neither of us said anything or moved. I was too terrified to do anything else.
“Please don’t hurt me,” I managed to whisper, my voice so threadbare I didn’t even know if I’d said the words or just thought them.
He didn’t respond which terrified me even more.
“Please don’t kill me.” Although I was crying, they were silent tears, slipping out the corners of my eyes and moving along my temples.
“I’m not going to hurt you.” The lights from a passing car illuminated the room for just a second and I got a glimpse of his eyes. They were dark and strangely… familiar. And then we were plunged into darkness once more.
Oh, God, what was worse than death? Is he going to rape me? Keep me pinned to this bed as he takes advantage of me? And although I should’ve been even more terrified at the thought, for some strange, inexplicable reason, I wasn’t feeling that immobile terror as I felt just moments before when I looked into his eyes.
He muttered something under his breath, low and harsh, something I couldn’t quite decipher before he turned his head and stared at my bedroom door.
A moment passed in which both of us didn’t move… where I didn’t even breathe. And then I heard footsteps coming closer.