I keep watching my skin until it looks normal again. “So, he really doesn’t know?” I cock a brow at the light.
“He only suspected.”
Hmmm. Well, it feels pretty damn good to have some good news to share for once. Not that me being the daughter of an unknown Goddess is great…
Oh, who am I kidding?
It’s fucking fantastic.
Chapter 18
Hanna
“The Shadow Self”
I come bounding out of the caves like a child hopped up on birthday cake, about to go on a pony ride. As usual, Lovia is waiting outside on her horse, holding onto Frost Moon’s bridle. Sometimes I wonder what she does while waiting without having something like an iPhone to keep her occupied, but she seems quite content to just stare off into the distance, lost in her thoughts. The Gods are better at living than humans are, after all.
She looks over at me, her blond hair pulled high into perfect plaits today, and arches a perfectly groomed brow. “I take it training went well today?” she asks.
“It sure did,” I say, mounting Frost Moon with ease and gathering the reins. While the sword stays behind in the cave, I take the blind mask with me and it hangs off my back. My selenite wonder knife is firmly tucked in its holster.
Lovia looks me over, pursing her lips as she scrutinizes me. “You seem different somehow.”
I can’t help but beam at her. “I just discovered a very important piece of the puzzle.”
“I don’t know what puzzle you mean, but do tell,” she says, her eyes dancing as we take off toward the castle in an easy trot.
“I’m a Goddess,” I say triumphantly, my hair flowing behind me. Heading toward the dramatic silhouette of my keep, I feel more like a Goddess than ever.
“That’s only just occurring to you?” Lovia asks.
I laugh. “Yes. Because I’m not just a Goddess in name only. I’m a Goddess just as you are.” I glance over at her perplexed face. “My mother isn’t my mother at all. My mother is a Goddess.”
Lovia pulls her horse to a walk and I do the same. “What are you talking about?”
“Vipunen just told me. My mother is a Goddess. Even your father knew that I wasn’t fully mortal, he just couldn’t prove it, but Vipunen just did.”
Her frown deepens as she looks me over again. “Are we…sisters?”
I shake my head. “No, thank hell.”
She raises her chin, her gaze turning to flint.
“Sorry,” I go on. “I forget that you’re Louhi’s daughter sometimes. But no, she’s not my mother. That’s all we know, though. We don’t know who my mother actually is.”
Lovia seems to stew over the Louhi comment longer than I expected her to, enough that the air fills with a touch of frost, my breath coming out in a cloud. Hmmm. I’m starting to think that Lovia has some traits from her father.
“I have a hard time believing Vipunen doesn’t know,” she finally says. Her posture relaxes a little and the frosty air blows away. “He knows everything.”
“I know. He says it’s crucial that I find out on my own. Says it will save my life.”
She rolls her eyes and gives me a half-smile. “Of course he’d say that. So, do you have any suspicions on who it is? Does my father?”
I shake my head. “I haven’t told him yet. He doesn’t even know I’m half Goddess, he just knows that my mother isn’t really my mother.”
“And how do you feel about that?”
I’m surprised at the intimacy of her questions. I shift in my seat. “I’m not sure yet. Part of me feels relief, because I’d always suspected, you know, and it’s nice to have answers.” I sigh, feeling the familiar knot in my chest that’s been there ever since Death told me the news. “At the same time, I have more questions. Who was my birth mom? Why did she abandon me? Why did Torben raise me in the Upper World?”
“I hope you find those answers soon,” she says with a sympathetic nod.
We ride for a while, Lovia talking about all the cities in Europe she wants to visit once she can get out of Tuonela. I promise her that I’ll bring up her pending sabbatical with Death at some point—she thinks I’ll have a better chance of convincing him. I told her that I have a hard time convincing him of anything.
Unless, you know, I’m convincing him of giving me an orgasm. But I’m not about to share that information with her.
We’re almost at the castle when I give her another tidbit of good news.
“Oh, I forgot to tell you,” I say, biting my lip. “Vipunen made me take off the mask.”
She yanks her horse to a stop. “He what?”
I nod. “I had to take it off and look at him.”
Her eyes turn to blue saucers. “Hanna! What the hell? You’re not…no, no one has ever seen him without dying.”