I smile. We grew up sheltered, homeschooled. Now I'm 22 and feel lost.
Sure, I did training in alternative medicine online, but I've never actually practiced it beyond making salves and elixirs for my family. I considered ripping out the cabinets in the back of the second RV and making a little workshop, but the space is cramped and tiny, and it's not my own.
Besides, I am on the road to play in this band, not to start a home business.
But that's why Mom is doing her best right now to give me permission to be a grown-up. We have been living under her wing for so long that I think it's really hard for her and Dad to let go. Recognizing this, I've done my best to give everybody space.
My brother, Nate, who's 25, fell in love with another musician, and they're happy as clams being on the road with us. But they have each other. I just have Lulu. Not that I don't love my little sister. It's just, sometimes, I look at my big, happy family and I want something just for me.
"So what should we do first?" the triplets ask. "We want to go swimming."
Lulu takes my hand. "We're going to go into town because I want to go to that tarot shop."
"Great," I say. "I'll just grab my purse."
"Hey," Dad says, "you guys aren't going to help us set up?"
I exhale. "Sure," I say. "Lulu, we can go tomorrow. Let's help Dad now."
Lulu rolls her eyes. "Do you always have to be such the perfect sister?"
I laugh. "I just want to have running water before I try to take a shower tonight," I say.
We do our jobs setting up shop, something we've done plenty of times before. Eventually, the sun begins to set, and Dad fires up the grill for veggie burgers. I put together a mixed green salad with green goddess dressing, and Jessica makes a batch of margaritas. We sit at a picnic table, eating together.
It's Sunday. Hence, we're having dinner. Usually, this is my favorite part of the week, but right now, I have an itch inside of me, a longing, a desire to just get up from this table and run into the woods. I don't know where, just somewhere, anywhere.
I feel like I'm a girl locked in a tower like Rapunzel, even though no one has forced me into a room, no one has thrown away the key. I chose to be here. I made a commitment to my family, but as I take a bite of my salad, I can't help but think maybe it's time for something more.
3
REUBEN
I work four tens on the construction crew that my brother Rye leads, which means I have three-day weekends. It’s Saturday and my mom took Plum, and apparently she and Fig are going to be sewing Plum a dress tonight with her help.
My little sister is obsessed with all things fashion design. And so this is not the first time she's decided to play dress up with my daughter.
With the day free before me, I pick up the house.
I know, not the most sexy way to spend my time, but I’ve got laundry to fold and dishes to do. And getting that completed without the five-year-old running around is easier. Once that's finished, though, I look at my watch. Bam. It's only 1:00 in the afternoon, which means I have a fuck ton of time spread out before me.
Mac and Graham text, asking if I want to get dinner at a bar tonight, but I don't know. That whole scene isn't my style. And I'm guessing Mac and Graham are going to be looking for more fun than I'm interested in having. I'm not saying they're players, not by any stretch, but they're guys who like to have a good time and are always on the lookout for someone to date.
I guess love really is in the air after Rye, Bartlett, and Lemon all got hitched earlier this year. Suddenly marriage is at the front of everyone's minds, even Plum's.
Groaning, I turn my phone to silent and shove it in my backpack. I add a bottle of water, a few bags of trail mix, and I lock the back door to the small A-frame cottage I built the summer after Beth died. I swallow. The memories are something real, but they're not for me to dwell on right now. Back then I was another man. Crazy to say, considering I'm only 23, but time marches on.
Outside, I take in a deep breath. This is my happy place. The trails out behind my cabin are the reason I love living here in the Rough Valley. This is the land that my family built up, where my ancestors walked, and heading out on these trails means something to me. I can feel it in my bones, in my blood.