The mortified look on Kelley’s face makes me huff out a laugh. It’s not often I’m able to shock him. Usually, he’s the one rendering me speechless, and since I am enjoying this victory far too much, I add, “I’m sure the last few times I’ve gone down on him were great and all, but there’s no shame in wanting to improve my technique.”
I smirk and return my focus to my grapes, popping two more in my mouth since the barbarian beside me stole my pizza. I can feel his stare on the side of my face, but I say nothing and refuse to look back at him. Instead, I slide the magazine back out from under me and open it.
I start flipping the pages and try to feign interest, but I can’t focus. At first this was funny. I thought it was playful, friendly. But if it is playful, then why isn’t he laughing? Why isn’t he teasing me about the magazine? Why is he still staring holes into the side of my head? And why
am I overthinking this? Why do I feel guilty? I almost sigh with relief when he puts his hand down on the magazine, halting my aimless page-turning.
“Ivy,” he says firmly, and I turn so my eyes, once more, meet his.
“Kelley.”
“Ivy, have you...ya know...with Tyler?” He widens his eyes and stares at me with apprehension.
I have a feeling I know what he wants me to say, and it’s times like these when I get so confused. Kelley is my best friend. I should be able to talk to him about this stuff without this weird tension, but instead, he looks like he’s in pain. It doesn’t make any sense.
I shake my head slowly, maintaining eye contact. “No,” I say, and I see his body sag slightly, but the tension returns to his shoulders when I add honestly, “not yet anyway.”
“What do you mean, not yet?” Kelley raises his voice, and this time, it’s me scanning the neighboring tables for anyone who might be paying too close attention to our conversation.
“Ivy, you can’t be serious,” he sputters. “With Tyler? But he’s...Tyler.”
And now I’m offended.
“Actually, Kelley, I am serious.” I puff up my chest and straighten my shoulders, preparing for the argument that’s bubbling inside me. “And what exactly do you mean, he’s Tyler? I am well aware of who he is, Kelley. I’ve been dating him for four months.”
“That’s exactly what I mean! Only four months, Ivy. That’s it. You tryin’ to tell me that you love him enough to lose your virginity? To him!?” Kelley is nearly irate at this point. His face is a mixture of complete shock and pure agony, but at least he hasn’t gotten any louder.
“Oh my gosh, Kelley, we’ve been over this. I may not love Tyler, but I like him, and I trust him, and I am very attracted to him. He’s kind, and he cares about me.” I lower my voice to a whisper. “I want to have sex. Why not with Tyler?”
Kelley’s face is turning bright red, and his eyebrows are scrunched so tightly that they’re practically meeting in the middle, giving him an almost-unibrow. It’s like I can see the wheels turning frantically inside his head, smoke pluming out his ears.
“But what if you get pregnant?” he whisper-yells. “What about STDs?”
My best friend is losing it, and for fear that he might actually combust, I soften my approach.
“Kelley...I know how to buy condoms, and I’m on birth control.”
“What!” he shouts, and I jump at the outburst. Now, several of our classmates have their eyes trained on us, no doubt dying for some sign that there’s trouble in our paradise.
Kelley looks around and lowers his voice once more before continuing, “Why? Since when? Why didn’t you tell me?”
I’m silent for a few seconds. I’m honestly surprised by Kelley’s sudden line of questioning and his intense interest in my budding sex life. We’ve talked about sex, kind of. We discuss our relationships, and we’ve even, at times, talked about the things we’ve done within those relationships. But this is the first time that Kelley has reacted like this.
I take a deep breath, and then another.
This is weird. This feels weird, and I respond carefully, as if I’m tiptoeing through a mine field and each of my words is an errant boot in danger of blowing the whole thing to smithereens.
“Since about a month and a half ago. And I don’t know why I didn’t tell you. It just never came up.”
“Why?”
“Why did it never come up?”
“No, why did you go on birth control a month and a half ago?”
I give him an are you serious right now type of glare and answer slowly, “...because I want to have sex, Kelley. I’m ready, so I want to be prepared.” I shrug.
Why does he look like I just told him that I ran over his grandma?