For the first time in what feels like years, Ivy’s face finally drops the emotionless blank slate expression, but what replaces it guts me. I watch as sadness and disappointment move across her features briefly, before settling on disgust. She inhales a shuddering breath, and on the exhale, she lets out a morbid, sad little chuckle.
“It doesn’t matter anyway, Kelley. I wasn’t planning to lose my virginity tonight. Because Tyler and I are not virgins anymore.”
I can hear my blood rushing in my ears. I don’t know if I want to cry or punch something. Or cry while punching something.
How could she do this?
Why would she do this?
Why do I feel so...betrayed?
It’s not until she takes a step toward me that I realize I’ve stopped breathing, and I sway on my feet from the force of my gasp.
“Kelley?” She goes to put her hand on my arm, but I jerk it away.
Suddenly, I’m furious.
Furious at Tyler. Furious at Ivy. Furious at myself.
And I want to hurt her. I want her to feel how I feel right now, because I hate the pity and shock that I see on her face. I hate that I just made myself vulnerable without even realizing it and it punched me in the fucking throat. I’m hurt and humiliated and just fucking furious because of it all.
“I can’t believe you’d be so stupid, Ivy,” I spit. She jerks her head back and drops her jaw.
“Excuse you?” Her voice is a whisper, but it doesn’t conceal the anger and hurt within it.
“Tyler is just using you. He doesn’t care about you. He just wants someone to fuck.”
Ivy’s eyes go wide, and I swear she growls.
“Are you freakin’ kidding me right now, Kelley? Two seconds ago you were upset because you thought I didn’t care enough about Tyler to have sex with him, and now you’re saying he’s using me?”
“So, you’re saying you’re just using him?”
The venom dripping from my words turns my stomach, and I know I’m going to regret what I say next even before I say it. But it’s a slow-motion train wreck I can’t stop. Verbal diarrhea I have no control over. My emotions are driving and I’m just along for the ride, fuck the casualties.
“I don’t even know you right now,” I sneer. “Making these dumbass decisions. For what? For a fuck? You want to end up just like your momma?”
Ivy flinches like I slapped her, and I know my words hit their mark when I see tears well in her eyes. But instead of apologizing like I should, pride or fear and fucking stupidity clamp my mouth shut, and I say nothing.
“How dare you,” Ivy hisses. A single tear rolls down her face, and she furiously wipes it away. “I’ve never known you to be cruel, Kelley. I thought we were friends.”
“Guess not,” I snipe. “Not if you’re gonna throw away who you are for Tyler. You’re gonna throw away me for Tyler. You’re being stupid and selfish.”
“That’s not fair,” she snarls, and I watch another tear fall. “All you do is date. All you do is mess around with girls, and I have to hear about it in the lunchroom and the locker room and on social freaking media. And you have the audacity to turn this around on me? You say I’m throwing away our friendship, but friends don’t speak to each other the way you just spoke to me. You crossed a line—you said something you knew would hurt me. Bringing up my mom? That’s low, Kelley.”
She takes a deep breath, swipes her hands under her eyes to get rid of the tears, and erases every emotion from her face. Dread fills my stomach.
“I hope you have a great night with your girlfriend, Prom King. I’m done with this conversation.”
“If you go back out there to Tyler, then you’re done with me, too,” I threaten. I don’t even know why I said it. I’m desperate and grasping and digging my hole even deeper.
She shakes her head slowly and shame hits me right in the chest. Then with one last impassive look, her face in that blank mask that I hate, she turns on her heel and walks out.
Ivy doesn’t spare me another glance. Just lets the door shut softly behind her.
After she leaves, I have to sit down on one of the leather sofas because I’m pretty sure I might pass out. I want to run after her. I want to apologize. But she just chose Tyler, right? I fucked up big. I don’t know if she’ll ever forgive me. If I’ll ever forgive myself. The pain in her eyes—the pain I inflicted on purpose—I can’t stop seeing it. I’m going to have nightmares about it.
When I finally return to the dance, I have ten missed calls from Shelby, and I find that she’s had the chaperones hold off on announcing Prom King and Queen until I got there.