Love You Better (Better Love 1)

She opens her mouth and then closes it. And then blinks again, shocked.

“I know,” I relent, trying to explain myself. “But when I first got back, I couldn’t talk about it with him yet. I wasn’t ready to talk to anyone about it other than Dr. Joyner. The only reason you know is because you were my roommate and I had nightmares. Then, after a while, our friendship was getting back to normal, and then so much time had passed, and I just... I don’t know. I guess I didn’t want to risk things changing again.” I shrug. “Kelley’s always treated me like I can do anything—like I can conquer the world. He’s always looked at me like I’m this pillar of strength. He makes me feel stronger. I don’t know what I would do if that changed. If he started to see me as a victim...”

I release a shuddered breath.

“Ivy. You know he wouldn’t. You know. He wouldn’t because you aren’t. You are strong, and everything that’s happened only further proves that.”

“Maybe.”

“Fuck maybe, V. It’s the truth.” Bailey speaks with such conviction that my confidence is bolstered slightly and my mouth quirks up into a soft, sad smile.

“It still doesn’t change that I’ve got a plan from which I will not deviate. Law school. A practice. I can’t be in a relationship. I can’t let anyone distract me from those goals. I know what happens when women let romance drive them. I’ve seen it.”

“That’s a weak argument. Yours and your mom’s situations are totally different. Kelley isn’t like your dad, or Jacob’s dad, and you’re not your mom. You’re not the kind of person to let anyone derail your plans or throw you off course. And anyway, Kelley would never try. He’s, like, your biggest cheerleader. Hell, I’m even jealous sometimes because I know there’s no damn way I could ever usurp his Number One BFF throne.”

I laugh. “Hush, I love you.”

“Yeah, and I love you. And that’s why I’m totally cool coming in second to Kelley, because he loves you big, too, and you deserve the biggest love.”

“Too many of those kissing books, B,” I joke with a smile.

She points at me and winks. “Not enough of them, V.”

I lean over and hug her tight. “I don’t know what I would do without you, Bailey.”

“Yeah, yeah, thank the Roomie Placement Goddess or whatever.” She rocks side to side playfully as she hugs me, and I giggle, but then she pushes me back, gripping my shoulders and hits me with a serious look.

“But I swear, Ivy, I better never come in behind Jesse in the BFF hierarchy. He might have scarves and shitty potholders, but I have cookies and I’m freakin’ boss at girl talk. Plus, I’m the on

ly one who willingly watches creepy shit with you.”

I snort out a laugh and she giggles with me, then she picks my jar of wine up off the coffee table and takes a sip.

“So, what are you gonna do?”

I answer honestly. “Avoid him until I figure it out.”

“You still hunting for hanky-panky tomorrow with J?” She waggles her brows and I roll my eyes.

“Meh. I’ll go to fulfill wing-woman duties, but that’s it. Hey, do you work tomorrow?”

“I do, but I can see about switching. Why? You want me to come turn you and J’s twosome into a threesome?”

“Yes, please!” I clasp my hands under my chin and bat my eyelashes.

“I’ll see what I can do.”

* * *

Bailey was able to switch shifts with another bartender, and I’m so grateful. She walks into Keggers with me and Jesse, and the tension I’ve been carrying in my shoulders all day loosens.

Of course, “In Da Club” is already blaring from the speakers, my heels are already sticking to the floor, and I can hear cheers coming from the pong tables in the back. The atmosphere is so familiar, so normal, and I draw comfort from it. It’s nice that some aspects of my life are still dependable, and I’m determined to enjoy this night.

I hate being confused, and I hate not knowing the solution to a problem. And make no mistake, this whole thing with Kelley has WARNING: PROBLEM!!! stamped all over it.

Usually, I puzzle over every detail and piece together an answer. It’s just how I am. I research, and I problem-solve, and I logic my way out of any tangled web. I’m basically a less-eccentric version of Sherlock with a vagina. But I cannot bring myself to dissect my complicated feelings for Kelley. It’s just too much. Just makes me feel too much. But now my second instinctive coping mechanism is also failing me—no matter what I do, I can’t ignore this.

Honestly, it’s annoying.