Love You Better (Better Love 1)

I sit up to mirror her position, then shrug. “Shelby lied. We barely made it to third base.”

“Wait, so no penetration?” I smirk at how clinical she is.

“Nope. Well, not with my dick,” I joke, but she’s too surprised to notice.

“But...but what about that argument in the lunchroom? You said...you suggested...you offered to loan me your condoms.”

“Yeeeeah,” I drag out. “I was an immature douche. I was a seventeen-year-old virgin waiting for love. You caught me off guard so I kind of panicked and then lied.”

She grows quiet. “So... prom?” She looks at me with a newfound understanding in her eyes.

“I...” I shake my head. “Ivy, I am so sorry for what I said to you that night. You have to know I didn’t mean any of it. I was fucking stupid and heartbroken, and fuck, I said some terrible shit. I didn’t mean any of it. I am so, so sorry. You have no idea how sorry.”

“I know, Kell. I forgave you a long time ago. We were young and dumb, and it was a situation neither of us fully understood.” She shrugs. “There are...there are so many worse things. I’m not going to waste my happiness on something as trivial as a juvenile high school argument.” I heave a sigh of relief, and she changes the subject. “So, what changed? With sex, I mean. Or did you...” She hesitates. “Did you fall in love...?”

I consider my options. I could pass. I c

ould keep this shame a secret, and I’d never have to suffer through the embarrassment or her disappointment.

But...

If I want this to last, her and I, then maybe there shouldn’t be any secrets. And that means I have to tell her everything.

“Not even close,” I say quietly. “I just stopped caring about it. Lost myself a bit. Went kind of crazy.”

I glance at her, concern and confusion etched all over her face.

“I started drinking a lot. Fucking my way through campus. I don’t even remember the first time. My grades tanked. I lost my soccer scholarship ‘cause of it. That and showing up to practices blitzed off my ass.”

“Oh my gosh, Kelley,” she whispers, and we share a look that I hope expresses the truth of my freshman year behavior. How I lashed out because she was gone, how guilty I felt for pushing her away...

I consider continuing, laying it all out at once, but the pain in her eyes stops me. Too much, too soon.

I tuck a strand of her hair behind her ear and whisper, “your turn, Ives. Ask me a question or tell me a secret.”

She takes a deep breath and forcefully puffs it out.

“I was in Bowen for freshman year of college, and the summer before. I went to the community college near there and lived with my aunt.”

“I knew that, actually,” I admit.

“You did? How?” Ivy isn’t upset, just surprised.

“Preston actually told me two weeks ago when we were back home. When I saw him on my Sunday run.”

“Preston knew? Huh. Curse small town rumor mills.” She laughs sardonically, and I steer us back on course.

“So, you have an aunt?”

“That I do. My dad’s sister. Ugh, it’s this whole big thing, and I didn’t know any of it until the summer after high school. Remember how I told you my dad was killed in a car accident?”

“I remember. Drunk driver.”

“Welp, apparently, he was actually the drunk. And he was on his way to see his mistress. My mom never had much of a relationship with my aunt, and her marriage to my dad was not a good one, so after he died, she cut all ties.” She shakes her head and scoffs. “I lived in the same town as my aunt for years and didn’t even know she existed.”

I take her hand, bring it to my lips, and kiss her knuckles. She sighs. “Your turn,” she says pointedly.

I know what I want to ask, but I don’t want to overwhelm her, and I’m not sure I’m ready to hear her confirm how badly I’d hurt her that night at prom. She doesn’t hate me anymore, and that’s enough for tonight. So instead, I go for a lighter secret.