“So, what, you’re just letting your parents think that you and Talia are engaged? For what reason?”
“Tal’s been in my life since we were kids,” he says in a low, sad voice. “We got engaged about six months before my mom was diagnosed. Everyone was so happy. My mom was ecstatic. I think she always wanted me and Tal to get married. She always wanted a daughter.”
Fuck, I don’t want to hear this. I can’t stop crying. But I just need to know. For fucking once, I want to know the whole truth.
“After a while, though, Talia and I both realized we didn’t want to get married. We love each other, but we aren’t in love. We decided to break the engagement, but then Mom started getting worse... I just...I couldn’t take this away from her when she’s already losing so much else.”
“So, you just lie? You and Talia. You’re pretending to still be engaged...until what? Until your mom...until she...”
I trail off because I can’t say it. He and I both know his mom’s fate.
“I don’t know, Bailey,” he whispers. “I never really thought it through that far. Not before you. I just wanted to keep her smiling any way I could. I wanted to give her some sort of light.”
I squeeze my eyes shut and take a few deep breaths. When I’m confident I can speak without my voice cracking, I open my eyes and hold Riggs’s gaze.
“We all have our shit. I’m not going to hold that against you. I understand what it’s like to want to do everything in your power to lift up the people you love. I forgive you.”
“You do?” His lips quirk up into a ghost of a smile.
“Yeah. But I can’t be part of this anymore. You have your shit, but I have my own shit, too, and I don’t have the emotional capacity to deal with yours on top of it.”
“Bailey, no.” He shakes his head, his voice desperate. “No, I just need time.”
“I can’t give you that,” I say firmly. “It was only sex, anyway.”
His laugh is dark and so out of place. “Now who’s lying, Barnes?”
“I’m not.” I shake my head. “None of it matters. We weren’t dating. We weren’t anything.”
“Bullshit,” he spits. “If you’re gonna get on my ass for not telling you the whole truth, then you better step back and reevaluate. You’ve been lying this whole time, Bailey. From the very beginning. Every time you were in my bed, it was with one eye open and one foot out the door. You won’t even be honest with yourself.”
“Fine!” I shout. “Fine. You want the truth, Riggs? Fine. Yeah, okay, I liked you. I don’t do relationships, and I don’t hold out hope for happily ever afters, but I was drawn to you. I wanted you. Right away. More than I should have. And then we started hanging out and I liked you more. I liked how you made me laugh. How you looked at me like you saw something special. I liked the way you made me feel...”
I squeeze my eyes shut, fighting the tears flooding my lashes and streaming down my face. I rake my fingers through my hair and take a deep breath. My heart is being carved from my chest, so the act of inhaling burns, but I continue despite the cracks in my voice and chest.
“So little by little, I let my guard down for you. I let you in. This week, I wanted to hate you. I wanted to hate you so badly, but I just couldn’t, even after everything. So yeah, this was more than sex for me, Riggs. A lot more. Because I let you in not once, but twice. I gave you two chances when most people don’t even get one. And you know what? You hurt me both times. How’s that for the fucking truth?”
“Let me fix it,” he pleads. “Please, Bailey. I don’t want to lose this.”
“Would you marry Talia?” I ask abruptly, and he startles. “Would you two carry this charade all the way to the altar?”
“No,” he says fiercely. “Not anymore.”
“But would you have?”
He doesn’t have to answer. The look on his face is enough. He would have. He would have married Talia just to make his mom happy.
Fuck. I can’t even be mad at him for that because I get it. It hurts so much, but I get it.
“And Talia?” I ask.
He just nods, and my tears are a constant waterfall soaking my cheeks, chin, and neck. I clamp my eyes shut again and take a few steadying breaths.
“I have to go. It hurts,” I choke out. I lower my voice to a whisper. “You’re hurting me. My heart can’t take any more.”
“Your heart?” he asks, and all I can do is laugh sardonically at this stupid, beautiful man. This stupid, beautiful, selfless man who is breaking my heart by breaking his own. “Your heart, Bailey?”
“Yeah, Butch. My heart.” I open my eyes and look at him again. The pain in his face, the tears in his eyes, they gut me. It’s like my chest is caving in, my lungs are collapsing. “I have to go. Please don’t follow me.”
I brush past him and walk out the door without another word. He doesn’t follow.
When I get to the street, I pick a random direction and walk. When my fingers and toes start to tingle from the cold, I find a pub and order shepherd’s pie and a beer. I text Ivy my location, and about an hour later, she texts that they’re outside.
I pay my tab and walk out to find Kelley’s Jeep idling at the curb with Ivy in the passenger seat and Jesse hanging out the back window. All three of them smile when they see me, and for the first time this afternoon, I smile back.
“Get in, loser,” Jesse shouts, “we’re going drinking!”