Nothing Feels Better (Better Love 3)

“Did everyone hear her say that? Can you say it again? I want to record it.”

Bailey rolls her eyes and leaves the kitchen with a huff, ignoring the muffled laughter of her friends. Throughout the rest of the afternoon, we eat and laugh. Riggs sets up a bean bag game in the yard, and at one point, everyone moves to the cul-de-sac to kick around a soccer ball. If every holiday came together just like this for the rest of my life, it would be perfect.

A few hours later, I’m helping Jesse do the dishes when Roxanne comes into the kitchen to throw some garbage in the trash can. She gives me a one-armed hug, then pats Jesse on the shoulder.

“Glad you’re here, Jesse,” she says. “The arrest and the custody bullshit has been wearing our girl down, and it’s nice to see her smiling again.”

My eyes go wide as Jesse turns to me, questions and concern on his face.

“He doesn’t know?” Roxanne says, looking between me and Jesse.

“I haven’t had a chance to tell him yet,” I say quietly, not taking my eyes off of him. His nostrils flare, his eyes narrow, and he calmly turns off the water and takes my hand.

“Excuse us, Rox,” he says, pulling me past her. “We have some stuff to talk about.”

Jesse takes me through the garage door and into the yard, bypassing everyone in the house. Silently, we walk hand and hand to my townhouse, and as soon as we step through the front door, he has a seat on the stairs. I sit next to him.

“What was she talking about?” he asks, and I take a deep breath.

I tell him everything. I start with the night he left. The visit from Ivy. The first meeting with Christina Pierce. When I tell him about the night Patrick was arrested, the anguish on his face breaks my heart. He stares at the wall, the door, as if searching for the since-repaired bullet holes.

“I should have been here,” he says, and I shake my head.

“No,” I say quickly, “it wouldn’t have changed anything.”

“I should have fucking been here, Jocelyn.”

I don’t argue again, I just push forward, until I’m up to date on the custody stuff. He sits quietly for several moments.

“I’m sorry you’ve had to go through this by yourself,” he says, staring at the ground, hands fisted in his lap.

“I haven’t,” I say. “Not entirely.”

“I never should have left. I should have been here for you,” he says again.

“It’s not your problem, Jesse. I don’t want my mess to affect you.”

He shakes his head.

“You gotta stop trying to make my decisions for me, Jocelyn. I’m an adult. I make my own choices. I choose you, and everything that comes with you. J-Squared. Endless laundry. Deputy Dildo, even. If I have to put up with him to have you and the kids in my life, I’ll do it.”

“Did you just call my ex-husband Deputy Dildo?” I ask, trying to hold back my laugh. He grins.

“That was funny, right? I call him a lot of things in my head. None of them are nice.”

I laugh out loud, and Jesse slings his arm around my shoulder.

“I’m here. Don’t push me away again. Your mess is my mess. I want it. Let me have it.”

“So, are we going to do this? Like, a long-distance relationship for the next four years?” I ask, holding my breath. I don’t bring up after that. Residencies and fellowships and whatever else goes into becoming a surgeon. It’s overwhelming.

“Yeah,” he says. He’s so sure. I try to soak it in. “We’ll talk daily and spend breaks together. We’ll make it work. And you won’t have to do everything on your own.”

I start to protest, but he cuts me off.

“No, Classic. Trying to do everything by yourself isn’t commendable. It’s dumb.”

I blink, then bark out another laugh. “Did Roxanne tell you that?”

“Of course. I suppose she’s told you the same thing?”

“About twenty times.”

“Well, she didn’t get to her age by being stupid. I think we should listen to her.”

“I think you’re right.” A thought hits me. If this is going to be real, if we’re going to do this... “I think we should tell the kids.”

Jesse nods, and it feels good to be on the same page as my...partner? Boyfriend? Whatever he is, we’re in sync. It’s new for me. I like it.

“Let’s do it tonight,” he says. “After Friendsgiving. I don’t want to waste any more time.”

Later, when we’re sitting in my living room after the festivities have ended, I give Jesse a look. One that says, let’s do it now. He grins.

“Hey, guys,” I begin, hoping the brightness in my tone overshadows my nerves. I’ve spent the last couple of hours planning what I’m going to say, but I still feel unprepared. “Jesse and I want to talk to you about something.”

“Kay,” Jude says, bouncing a little on the couch cushions as he speaks.

“What’s up?” June asks. Her eyes flick between me and Jesse, then settle on where our hands are clasped. She raises an eyebrow but says nothing.

“Well, I wanted to let you know that, even though Jesse is in Boston for medical school, he and I will be, um...” I stutter, my mind going blank. “We’re going to...”

Jesse squeezes my hand and gives me a small smile.

“Your mom and I are going to be dating,” Jesse says bluntly. “You know what that means?”

“Like, you’ll be boyfriend and girlfriend,” June answers, then glances at mine and Jesse’s joined hands once more.

“That’s right,” I tell her. “So, you’ll probably see us holding hands or being more affectionate sometimes.”

“You’re going to kiss!” Jude giggles, and I smile at him.