Nothing Feels Better (Better Love 3)

23

My plane lands at Indianapolis International Airport at 2:23 in the afternoon.

I make the walk from the terminal to the rental car lot on autopilot. I could do this trip in my sleep, truth be told. I feel like I’ve spent more time in the air between Boston and Indiana than I’ve spent actually on the ground in either state recently.

“Mr. Hernandez,” Luce, the clerk at the rental car desk, greets me with a smile. “Back again? I feel like we just saw you last weekend.”

I smile as he types on the computer, probably pulling up my reservation.

“That’s because you did just see me last weekend,” I say with a chuckle. “But this might be the last time you’ll see me for a while.”

He raises an eyebrow. “Is that a good thing or a bad thing?”

“I’ll find that out soon enough,” I say with a sigh. He hands me the keys to my rental, tells me good luck, and I thank him before heading to my car.

I’m jittery the whole drive from the airport. I haven’t seen Jocelyn since spring break last month, and my fingers itch to touch her, but I’m nervous. She doesn’t know I’m coming, or why. I’m afraid of what she’ll say when she finds out.

The last few times I’ve been in town, I’ve stayed at the Hilton. This time, I make my way to Riggs and Bailey’s townhouse. Bailey moved in after graduation. She got a job at an accounting firm in downtown Indianapolis, and Riggs works from home doing some sort of business real estate stuff for his dad’s company. Zay moved out a few months ago—something weird went down with his family and Riggs is staying tight-lipped about what he knows, if anything. Ivy and Kelley are in Chicago, but I’m glad Joss still has Bailey and Riggs in case she ever needs anything.

The two times I’ve come to visit Jocelyn and the kids since fall break, I’ve stayed at Riggs’s at Joss’s request. She thinks it’s better for the kids. She never said it out loud, but I could tell she was worried about them getting “too attached,” in case things between us didn’t work out.

She still doesn’t trust me with them.

I scoff at the irony. She didn’t seem too worried about me getting too attached, though.

I pull my rental into Riggs’s driveway and glance next door. I know Joss is at work and the kids are at the YWCA program since their school let out for summer last week, but the urge to run over and knock still hums in all my limbs. I hop out of the car and jog up the walk, knocking four times on Riggs’s door. When he swings it open, the look of shock on his face sets me laughing.

“What the hell are you doing here?” he asks with a grin, shuttling me inside and shutting the door behind me. “Don’t you have, like, two more weeks of class?”

I nod. “Yeah. Academic year ends June 24th.”

“I mean, I’m not complaining. I haven’t seen you since Christmas, but, like, why are you here?” I follow him down the hall and into the kitchen, where he proceeds to pour me a glass of water. “I thought we were planning a big weekend at the lake to celebrate you surviving your first year of med school.”

“I still plan to celebrate that,” I say, taking a sip of the water. “I just have a few loose ends to tie up this weekend.”

He narrows his eyes at me, and I look away. He and Anjali are the only ones who know how badly I’ve been struggling with this whole long-distance relationship thing, and he only knows because I told him. Anjali knows because she’s witnessed my constant crashing and burning.

“What do you mean loose ends? What loose ends could you possibly have to tie up before you move back to Indiana for the summer?” I swallow and stare at my water glass. “You are moving back for the summer, right?”

Finally, I make eye contact.

“That’s kind of what I need to talk to you about.”

A few hours later,after Bailey came home from work and I filled her in on everything, I find myself sitting awkwardly on their couch as they stare at me.

“And your parents are cool with this?” Bailey asks, and I hide my wince.

“They are now.” She raises a brow in question, and I sigh. “Mom wasn’t at first. She was about ready to send my ass back to Lake Serenity, thinking I was having some sort of breakdown.”

“That sounds more like the protective Dr. Vanessa Hernandez I know,” Bailey says with a small chuckle, and I smile. She’s not kidding. “So, what changed her mind?”

“My dad.” I smirk. My dad, the hopeless romantic. He’s a sap for a love story. As soon as I told my parents about Jocelyn, he was on my side. Mom took some convincing, but ultimately, Dad won her over.

Bailey nods, but her assessing gaze doesn’t relent.

“Quit looking at me like I’m an alien,” I say, and Bailey blows out an exasperated breath.

“We’re just shocked, is all,” she says. No bite. No snark. It worries me.

“You think I’m doing the wrong thing,” I state, and Riggs shakes his head.

“No, we don’t think you’re doing the wrong thing,” he says diplomatically. “We know how hard this relationship has been on you and Joss the last few months.”

His statement all but confirms what I suspected. I’m not the only one who has been complaining to friends about how much long-distance sucks ass. I nod.

“I’m going to go talk to her, but I think it would be better if the kids don’t see me.”

Just saying that hurts. I want to see them. I want to hug them and joke with them and hear all about everything, but I need to respect Jocelyn’s wishes. That has to be one of the hardest things throughout all of this, keeping my distance from J-Squared. I fucking love those kids, but Joss still doesn’t trust me not to hurt them. Not fully.

“We’ll go over there and watch the kids and send her over here. Good?” Riggs suggests, and I nod. He stands up and makes his way toward the door, but Bailey hangs back. She looks at me for a minute like she wants to say something, but instead of speaking, she just steps forward and gives me a quick, tight hug.

“I got your back always, J.”

“Ditto, B,” I say with a grin, and she turns and walks away.

After they leave, I pace, and I avoid every single urge to peek out the window at the house next door. It feels like an hour before I finally hear the front door open.

I hold my breath and listen to the pad of footsteps grow closer and closer until the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen in my whole life is standing in front of me.

“Jesse,” she says happily, then rushes to me. I wrap my arms around her and draw her to me, holding her, breathing her in. “I thought I wouldn’t get to see you for a few more weeks,” she says, and I can hear her voice cracking. I pull back and find she’s crying, so I reach up and wipe the tears from her face.

“What’s wrong, Classic?” I ask her, caressing her cheek with my thumb. I’m so tired of hearing pain in her voice and knowing I’m the reason for it.

“I’m sorry,” she says with a pained laugh. “I don’t know why I’m crying. I’m just happy to see you.” She presses her face to my chest and hugs me tightly. “How long are you here for?”

I rest my cheek on her head.

“I go back Sunday morning.”

“Okay,” she whispers, almost to herself. “Two days now, then in two weeks, I’ll get you for the summer.” She steps back and sniffles. “I’m such a mess. I’ll be right back.”

I watch Joss walk in the direction of the bathroom and hear the water turn on. She’s back in a matter of minutes, looking refreshed and calm.

“Sorry,” she says again, as if she should have to apologize for having emotions. “What are your plans while you’re here? Why are you here? Your classes are over so soon. Don’t you have a lot of work to complete?”

“Well,” I start, and then stop and gesture to the couch. “Let’s sit.”

She freezes and her face goes blank.

“Sure.” She sits robotically on the couch, a whole arm’s length from me, and folds her hands in her lap. “What’s up?” she says to the ground.

“Classic, look at me,” I say, needing her eyes on me for what I’m going to say. She doesn’t budge. “Joss,” I press again. “I have something important to talk to you about and—”

“Just say it then,” she says quickly. “Just get it over with, please.”