Flirting with Fifty

“What did you think of Oliver?” Ashley asked as soon as they had gotten into Paige’s car. But before Paige could say a word, Ashley answered her own question. “I really liked him. He’s a director. He works all over the world. He’s worked with some seriously famous people.”

Paige checked her smile as she buckled up and started the car. “I thought he was a really nice person.”

Ashley wrinkled her nose. “That’s it? A nice person? He’s smart. Funny. A cool, creative guy. Successful, too.”

“I like that he and his dad have such a good relationship. That made me happy to see.”

“He’s not what you would call handsome, but he’s not unattractive.”

Startled, Paige shot Ashley a curious glance. “What are you talking about? He’s very handsome. He has that Orlando Bloom look.”

“Orlando is prettier. Oliver is more . . . rugged? Masculine? That’s not the point, though. The point is he’s doing what he wants to do, and he’s obviously good at it. Just this fall he’s worked in New Zealand, Vancouver, LA.” Ashley tipped her head against the seat, closed her eyes. “That’s what I want. I want to do really interesting things. I don’t want to work at some desk, for some company, and not be alive.” She opened her eyes, looked at her mom. “For example, I would hate what you do. It’s almost always the same old, same old. I think that’s awful. I’d be miserable.”

Paige adjusted the air. “My life is not same old, same old. I do different things every day. I’ve different students—”

“Same subjects.”

“Not this year. Look at me. On Saturday, two days from now, I’m going to Africa. How is that same old, same old?”

“That’s because Jack put it together. You would’ve never done a trip like that on your own.”

That was true, Paige silently acknowledged. She wouldn’t have thought of anything so far away, so foreign to what she knew, so risky. A hundred things could go wrong. She didn’t have the faintest idea how she’d fix any of the problems, either. She would be relying heavily on Jack, and strangers. It wasn’t her nature to rely on others, but this time she’d have to.

Paige thought of Yellowstone last month, and how she’d relied on Jack there, and everything had worked out. The trip had been smooth, details were handled, there had been no headaches, other than Sheila, and Paige couldn’t even resent Sheila, not after Sheila had scared away the bear. The trip to Arusha would work out, too. Jack would see them through. She could count on Jack, she knew that.

“I’m excited about the trip,” she said, “and yes, I wouldn’t have thought of it, but I’m going, and I’m looking forward to seeing new things and learning new things.” She looked over at Ashley. “Sometimes adventure is right there, waiting for us. Sometimes we don’t even see it because we’re so busy assuming we know everything.”

Ashley laughed and reached out to pat her mom’s arm. “Listen to the family philosopher. So much wisdom, Mom.”

Paige glanced out toward the ocean on her right. The earlier tendrils of fog were growing thicker, obscuring the sky and water. November was so unpredictable. Her first Thanksgiving in California had been hot and sunny. Her second one had been cool and gray, but not cold. Her third had been sunny, but chilly, and now her fourth, soupy with fog.

“Do you think you and Jack are going to stay together?” Ashley asked, breaking the silence. “I mean, do you see this as serious?”

Paige didn’t answer immediately. She wasn’t sure how to.

“Mom?”

Paige drew a deep breath, trying to ignore the quickening of her pulse. Thinking about Jack made her feel so many things. Always nerves, always excitement, and now this constant fluttery feeling in her middle. Butterflies, out-of-control butterflies. “Oh, Ashley. I don’t know. Maybe that’s why this is so hard for me. He has one more semester here and then he’s back to Princeton. He travels constantly, speaking at conferences all over the world, teaching for different universities all over the world. That’s not me. I’m a homebody. My life is you girls. I’m happy with you girls.”

Ashley reached out, took her mom’s hand, gave it a squeeze. “I’m glad. I like having you to myself. I’d hate to have to share you permanently with someone else. It’s better just us girls, isn’t it?”

Paige nodded, and yet her chest tightened, and her heart plummeted. Was it better? Would she be happier once Jack was gone?

No. She’d miss him. She’d miss him a lot. Her life would be quieter, emptier. Her heart would be emptier. She’d be sad.

Paige wasn’t looking forward to that. She hadn’t asked for change, hadn’t thought she wanted change, but then Jack entered her life, and everything felt different. Good different. Exciting different. She hadn’t thought she was lonely. Hadn’t thought she was missing anything, but life was different with Jack in it. She was different with Jack in it. She felt like she had a friend, a partner in crime, someone she could hang out with, someone who wanted to hang out with her. Elizabeth always had a family to return to. Jack had no one at home waiting for him. And she—well, until Ashley arrived—had no one waiting for her. It felt as if they’d carved out a little world for themselves, a space they belonged in, but once he left . . . ?

Once he was back in New Jersey?

She shook her head, not liking the thought, not comfortable thinking that far ahead, because she couldn’t see how it would work. She wasn’t about to move, and he wasn’t going to leave his very sweet position at Princeton. Neither of them was cut out for a long-distance relationship. And quite frankly, Jack didn’t strike her as the type to want a serious relationship. She imagined he was happy with things as they were.

Which meant this was probably all it would be. The rest of this semester. And then Spring semester, and . . .

Her eyes burned and her throat ached. She swallowed around the lump. Why even go there right now? Why anticipate the goodbye? It wasn’t for months. She ought to be like Jack and just live in the moment. He said it worked for him. He said it made him happy. Could it possibly work for her? Paige didn’t know, but she’d have to try.