Chapter 19
Hand trembling, Paige unlocked the door. “What are you doing here?” she spluttered, incredulous.
“I came to find you.” Jack’s jaw was hard, his handsome features set. “I don’t suppose you could have picked a camp closer to Arusha.”
“I got a good deal here.”
“Strange. I didn’t. But that’s neither here nor there.”
For some reason his dark mood made her want to smile. It wasn’t the most comfortable trip to the camp, and it probably had been expensive. She didn’t consider herself bloodthirsty, but she was glad he found it challenging. She’d found the past forty-eight hours challenging. Make that excruciating. “How did you know where I went?”
“You asked Jabari for recommendations. He told me he’d put in a call to Shani. He put in a call to Shani for me, and here I am.”
She lifted her chin. “If you’d wanted to talk to me, you could have just phoned.”
“I tried. You didn’t answer.”
“Must be the poor reception.”
“Must be,” he said, but from his tone she knew he didn’t believe her.
To be honest, she hadn’t even turned her phone on. It was still in airplane mode from her flight. “You could have waited until I returned Sunday—”
“I wasn’t going to wait.”
“You’re supposed to be at your conference.”
“I’ve bailed. I came to find you.”
He was on her doorstep, so that much was true. “You can go back now,” she said primly. “As you can see, I’m fine, and happy here at the Selous Game Reserve.”
“Too late. I’ve withdrawn from the conference.”
“That wasn’t necessary. We could have spoken when I returned.”
“It was necessary. I’ve been worried sick about you.”
She arched a brow. “Worried about what?”
“The crazy thoughts going on in your head.”
“Crazy thoughts in my head? What about the crazy thoughts in your head? You knew all along that Camille was coming, you knew she would be showing up in the same place I was, and you didn’t think to tell me? You didn’t think that I would feel uncomfortable, uneasy, with her being with you while you packed me off on a walking safari with our students? Come on. Surely you understand women . . . me . . . better than that?”
He stiffened. “I made a mistake not telling you, but I thought you’d panic, assume the worst—”
“Which I did. But you made me think the worst by not telling me. I don’t get it. I genuinely don’t understand, Jack.” Her gaze lifted, met his, searching for God knows what in his eyes. “I would have much rather heard it from you that Camille was going to be there, while we were still in California, instead of seeing her stroll through our Center as if she owned the place.” Paige swallowed hard. “This was my first time coming to Africa. I was excited, so happy to be with you, but then she shows up . . . she’s like a nightmare. I can’t escape her.”
“We do similar work. It’s natural for us to move in the same scientific circles.”
“Which wouldn’t be an issue if you didn’t used to sleep together. For years!”
“It was years ago. We don’t have a relationship. We haven’t had one in years.”
“Are you even aware of how she looks at you? She still loves you.” Paige snapped her fingers, chest on fire. The problem with being fifty is you knew how these things went. You knew how one could hang on, hoping for something wonderful to happen. She’d hung on to her marriage, hoping Ted would wake up, change, deal with his alcoholism. She’d hung on, hoping they could salvage their marriage. And Camille, a beautiful French Canadian professor, was hoping Jack would choose her again. “Tell me this, is she involved with anyone right now? Does she have a significant other?”
Jack shifted uncomfortably. “I . . . don’t know.”
“I think you know.”
“But I’m not there, Paige. I’m here. With you. I left the conference, I walked away, so I could be with you.”
They were the right words, at the wrong time. She held herself still, trying to contain the emotions rolling through her, overwhelmed by the riot of love and pain, need and heartbreak. He was everything she’d thought she wanted, but that was before.
Now she saw the truth, and it had been there before her, all this time, only she hadn’t wanted to see it.
“Go back to the conference. You can be there in the morning. It’s where you belong. Not here—”
“You’re wrong,” he interrupted curtly. His jaw was hard, lines etched at his mouth and eyes. “If you’re here, then I belong here. I belong with you—”
“No.”
“Yes. It’s why I chased after you when you ran away. I let you go the first time, but that was a mistake and I vowed I’d never make that mistake again, not with you. Paige, I’m not losing you this time. I won’t.”
“But I don’t want you.” Her voice cracked. Tears burned the back of her eyes. She pressed her fists to her sides, trying to keep control. “It’s over—”
“Bullshit. You don’t get to decide.” He ground the words out.
“I can, and I have.”
“Paige, I know I hurt you, and you’re disappointed, but you can’t run away every time there’s a misunderstanding. Stand and fight, just the way I’m fighting for you.”
“Misunderstanding? Jack, you deceived me. Intentionally.” She blinked hard, clearing her eyes. Her chest burned. Her stomach burned. She felt like she was on fire from head to toe, and it wasn’t the good kind of fire, it was the kind that destroyed emotion, incinerated love. “I can’t trust you. I can’t do this with you.”
“You can. You’re not that fragile.”
“You should have told me Camille was coming to Arusha! You should have prepared me.”
“You’re right. I was wrong. I am wrong. I couldn’t be more sorry. Forgive me.”