24
KAYLA
Mycheeksarewarmed by the early spring sun, my nose tempted by the smell of all kinds of street food. Sunglasses cover my eyes, and I’m wearing my favorite Chucks as we walk through town, but it isn’t until Bodi’s hand slips into mine that a feeling of happiness overwhelms me.
I want to say something, looking at the side of his face while I squeeze his hand a little. He gives me a side glance with a smile that makes my heart purr, and I decide that for once I’m going to keep my mouth shut, afraid I’ll wake up from the dream I seem to be living.
We stroll through the park silently. But it isn’t uncomfortable. I rarely shut up, always finding a way to tease anyone or fill the void. But with Bodi, I seem to find a quiet I never knew I had. Just feeling his presence next to me is enough to simply enjoy his energy.
“You want ice cream?” he asks when an ice cream cart stands a bit farther up the pavement.
“Don’t ask silly questions, McKay.”
He chuckles and we make our way over to the cart. He orders a cone with ginger and chocolate while I pick cinnamon and raspberry.
“Who eats ginger ice cream?” I teasingly scrunch up my nose when we take a seat on one of the benches.
“What’s wrong with ginger ice cream?”
“Everything.”
“Have you ever tasted it?” Bodi cocks an eyebrow, his tongue darting out to take a lick of his cone. The move is slow, deliberate, and I can feel my thighs clench.
“No.” I smile, keeping my gaze fixed on my own cone.
He gently grabs my chin, twisting my head toward him. His eyes flash with burning flames, ready to devour me, while a glint of excitement makes me bite my lip.
“You should try it. It goes great with cinnamon.” He takes a lick from his ice cream, just enough to let it sit on his tongue, then he leans in, sliding it between my parted lips. When the cold substance falls on my tongue, followed by the warmth it comes with, I moan into his mouth. The fresh taste of the ginger accompanies a tang of pepper I would never enjoy in any other way. But combined with a sweetness that comes from Bodi’s tongue, it’s divine. His touch is equivalent to a feather brushing my cheek when I feel his thumb caress my skin. I shiver, shuddering like a dog trying to dry his fur, and he smiles against my lips when the cold ice cream has melted in our mouths.
“Did I just make you shake?”
“You did,” I confess with a lazy look. “It’s what happens when you change my appetite to want something we’re not allowed to do in a public park.”
“I thought you like to break the rules?”
My eyebrows move above my sunglasses. “Are you going to fuck me in the park, Bodi? Because just say the word. You don’t have to wait for me to finish this.” I hold up my cone. “Like, tell me now and I’m done.” I bring my hand forward, ready to toss the thing over my shoulder, but he catches my wrist. Laughing, he brings his mouth close to mine, pressing another firm kiss to my lips. I can feel how my toes curl, and my vagina yells more, more, more.
“You’d like that, wouldn’t you?”
“No doubt.”
“Not today, baby.” He smirks.
I let out a disappointed grunt, pouting, before he pulls me against his side. For a minute, we sit there, watching people walk by, enjoying the sunny weekend like we are. It feels like we’ve never done anything else. Like we’ve been doing this for as long as we can remember.
“What is your plan?” Bodi suddenly asks. There is something in his voice that surprises me, but I can’t quite pinpoint it.
I glance up at him, my palm resting on his stomach.
“What do you mean?”
“Well,” he starts a bit cautiously, “you’ve been here for two months. Are you planning to keep working at KPI?”
I straighten my body so I can really look at him, the question giving me an unsettling feeling.
“Are you trying to get rid of me?”
“No, no. Definitely not, baby.” He shoots me an apologetic look, trying to calm me down with his hand on the back of my neck. A coy smile slides on his face. “But three months ago, you were a Stanford student with a planned out future.” He pauses. “Until you weren’t. You’re doing a great job, and you can stay as long as you want, but is this really what you want?” His thumb starts to soothe me, massaging the nape of my neck with small strokes.
I twist my attention forward, his question putting a small cloud over my happy mood. It’s a thought I’ve been throwing to the back of my head for the last few weeks because I don’t want to think about it. I see the genuine look in his eyes, giving me no option but to just brush it off like it’s nothing. He shows me that he cares and that should give me a push in the right direction, but if anything, it’s confusing me more. How can I tell him what I want when all I want is him? How can I think about my future when all I see is him and I don’t know if he will be there? Staying at KPI is my lifeline to him. Even though I enjoy it, I dream of being more than a personal assistant, but I also don’t want to stop spending my days with him.
“I don’t know.” It’s only half a lie, because in a way, I don’t really know. I don’t know what I want because I feel like every single choice comes without Bodi. If that’s the case, I’d rather not choose at all.
His smile is soft as he gently moves my hair to the side before he affectionately strokes the soft skin under my ear with the back of his hand.
“It’s something you should think about, Kayla. You’re too young to settle.”
Even if I settle for you? That’s what sits on the tip of my tongue. What I wanna ask. But instead, I just nod in agreement, like a child that’s being preached at.
“Just know that I’ll be here if you need me. I will help you with whatever you want.” I stare into his green eyes. They are filled with so much… I want to say love, but I don’t know if I’m imagining it. If that’s what I want to see because my feelings are growing. They are expanding in the most inconvenient way, tangling me in their web.
“Thank you. I’ll think about it.” That’s all I can say. But deep down, I know my mind won’t come up with a narrative that gives me completely what I want. It can give me anything else I want, but it won’t give me Bodi.
Not in the way I keep dreaming about.