34
KAYLA
Sevendays.
That’s how long I’ve been back in North Carolina, but really it feels like one very long and excruciating day.
He didn’t text.
He didn’t call.
He managed to erase me from his life completely, without any effort. I wonder how he does it. I wake up crying every single day because I miss the warmth of his body next to mine. I miss how we shared our meals, and I miss how we used to banter with each other all day long. But his complete absence on my phone tells me the feeling is not mutual.
Rae and Jensen are letting me stay with them and I know they have been pussyfooting around me. Trying to comfort me with food and shit reality shows. I can’t even watch them anymore; Bodi completely ruined them for me. Every single time I start a new episode, I think about how he hated them, and I slowly start to hate them too, simply because they remind me of him.
So instead, I sit outside with a blanket wrapped around my shoulders in comfort, even though it’s sixty-five degrees outside. I just stare at the grass of the backyard, sitting on a wooden stretcher that has become my favorite place when it’s not appropriate to be in bed.
“Look who’s here,” Rae says as she walks out of the house.
For a second, my heart jumps and my neck straightens, hoping she’s talking about Bodi, but when Julie walks out, I roll my eyes for my own stupidity.
“Hey, Jules,” I muse in a monotone voice.
“Hey, sweetie.” They both take a seat on the stretcher next to me, their feet propped up on the floor as they give me a look that makes me want to gag.
“Don’t look at me like that.” I let my eyes rake down their bodies that’re looking awfully springy and happy. Rae is wearing one of Jensen’s Hurricanes shirts tucked into her denim skirt, with her blonde hair in a loose braid, while Julie is looking like the epitome of success in her pencil skirt and white t-shirt. Meanwhile, I sit here, looking like a troll with my unwashed poofy hair and plaid blanket.
“Like what?” Rae frowns.
“Like you feel sorry for me.”
“Keeks.”
I hold up my hand. “Whatever you’re going to say, save it. I don’t want to hear it.”
“Damn, he really did you a solid, didn’t he?” I turn my head to Julie.
“Something like that,” I mutter, averting my gaze.
“Wanna talk about it?” Julie asks.
“Not really.”
I hear Rae sigh and I purse my lips, stubbornly keeping my attention fixed on the grass. The green is lit up by the sun, and when I squeeze my eyes shut, it reminds me of Bodi’s eyes. Images of the loving expressions he would give me flash through my mind when I look at the green sparkles dancing in the sunlight. I feel like a moron for torturing myself like this. But I can’t stop.
“You have to talk about it at some point, Keeks.”
“No, I don’t. I’m just going to sit here until my tears have dried up, and then I’ll move back home and try to figure what the fuck I’m going to do with my life.”
“You know you don’t have to leave.” Rae’s hand lands on my knee and my eyes grow glossy. I refuse to look at her as I try to swallow the tears away.
“I know,” I croak out.
“What happened, though?” Julie asks.
“I fell in love with Bodi, but he didn’t fall in love with me.”
“It can’t be that simple.”
“It is.” I shrug.
“I don’t believe you.” From the corner of my eye, I see how Julie shakes her head, her dirty blonde hair moving beside her face.
“It’s the truth. I was too young for him. He never made it a secret.”
“And you’re accepting that? That’s bullshit.” I snap my head at her harsh words, and she gives me a scowl. A little surprised at her stance, I blink at her, waiting for her to say anything. “You might be the youngest of us all, but you are as brave as a fucking lion.” She notices how my brows move up to my hairline. “I mean it! You’ve been calling him out on his shit ever since he arrived in Atlanta, and from what I’ve heard from Charlotte, he’s been letting you. You are as brave as a fucking lioness, and I wish I had your level of courage. Maybe then I wouldn’t have screwed up my only chance of love,” she mutters the last sentence, and I blink at her confession, but before I can blurt out anything, she continues. “You’re not seriously going to give up on him, are you? You’re not seriously going to let him get away with whatever bullshit reason he has to not be with you? Because I don’t believe he doesn’t have any feelings for you. Not for one minute.”
Her words touch me deeply, and I feel another lump forming in the back of my throat. I try to swallow it away, but when I close my eyes, tears roll down my cheeks.
“Part of me doesn’t believe it either. But I can’t be the only one fighting for us. It doesn’t work like that. I don’t want to be the only one invested in the relationship. Not if it means I can lose everything when it doesn’t work out. I can’t do it again. I can’t start over every time I break up with a guy.”
“What do you mean?” Rae’s voice is laced with worry, the frown on her forehead adding even more to that. The suspicion is dripping from her narrowed eyes, and I guess I should just fess up about everything.
It’s not like there is anything left to lose anyway.
“Trent.”
“What about Trent?”
“Who’s Trent?” Julie whips her head between Rae and me.
“Her ex-boyfriend.”