“You will be a wonderful mother,” he says, curling my hair behind my ear. “You are a wonderful mother.”
“Am I?” I ask, suddenly so fraught with everything he has just said the bile is rising rapidly in my throat. “I have done nothing to Delinda except rip her away from the people she cares about!”
CK sighs again and bundles me to him, sitting down in the rocking chair with me on his lap. I snuggle into him, needing to be as close to him as I can. I need his reassurance that he doesn’t think I am a horrible parent and that he still loves me.
“All you have done was necessary for your daughter, Aefre. Yes, she has suffered, and she will suffer still when she learns the whole truth, which I am assuming you haven’t told her yet?” At my nod he continues, “But you love her and from now on you will always be together and Remiel,” he chokes on that big time, “will also be there for her. And so will I. I already love her like my own. We will create a stable environment right here for our children, Aefre.”
“Do you mean it?” I sob. Everything he has said to me has spun my head so far around I feel dizzy.
“Of course I do, or I wouldn’t say it,” he says firmly. “And I love you, don’t ever think that I have stopped loving you just because my sole focus is not you anymore.”
“Oh, the gods, Constantine. I love you so much, I couldn’t bear it if you left me again,” I blurt out. “I…”
“Don’t,” he says sadly. “Don’t say something that you don’t really mean right now. Go and be you and I will always be here waiting for you.”
Once again, he has read my mind. I was going say that I choose him, just to stop him from saying anything else to fuel my paranoia fire. But now…it’s the last thing I want to do.
“I don’t know how to handle this,” I say instead. He has given me an out–as I never really wanted to choose in the first place, it was forced upon me by circumstance–but this is so fucking weird, surreal even.
“My priorities have shifted slightly, that is all,” he says.
“Do you still want me to live here with you?” I ask tentatively. I am so scared he is going to say ‘no’ I am almost wetting myself.
“Of course,” he says with a reassuring smile that has taken way too long to grace his countenance. “This is our home, Aefre. Our family home. Nothing will ever change that.”
I nod and go back to snuggling into him. His arms wrap around me and he places his chin on my head. I am scared to move, to breathe, in case he changes his mind and kicks me out. Everything I thought I knew, has vanished in one day and I am left alone, stripped naked to my essence, and not liking it one bit.
“You are my wife, Aefre,” he says soothingly. “I love you more each day and I will never stop adoring you for making such a miracle with me.”
I finally let myself breathe out after that. My hands are shaking, and I still feel lightheaded, but he has comforted me. I am still very uncertain, doubtful even, over his new attitude. It’s the complete opposite to everything I have known about him for a thousand years. I will have to take it one day at a time with him and try to find a footing that I can be confident on again.
Chapter 17
Ponte, Italy, October 2014 - Aefre
We walk hand in hand down the corridor towards the stairs. “Delinda wants to have a game of cards,” I say tentatively. If I thought CK was unpredictable before, now I am completely lost at sea with him. It unnerves me and I don’t like it, especially as I have no sire/charge bond to fall back on.
He nods. “A game of poker?” he asks.
“No, you fool!” I say with a laugh before I remember I am supposed to be trying to keep him happy with me. “She is…well, I’m not sure how old she is really,” I add with a frown. “She is a child. She wants to play ‘snap’.”
“Of course,” CK says with a smile.
“CK?” I ask, stopping our progress.
“Yes, my sweet?” He looks at me inquisitively.
“I don’t want there to be any secrets between us,” I say, biting my lip.
“There will always be secrets with you, Aefre,” he says, not unkindly. “It is who you are. You do things on impulse and then hide them because you are afraid that people will be upset with you.”
Wow! He is really laying all of his cards on the table with how he regards me all of a sudden. I think I want passive-aggressive CK back. I don’t think I like honest CK.
“No,” I say. “That is not the case.” It’s a lie and he knows it.
“You do not ever have to be afraid of me, Aefre,” he says.
Humph. There is a tower standing not far from where we are that will refute that statement vehemently.