Our Happily Ever After (Bold As Love 5)

“I don't know. He's been ill ever since we came home from his practice.”

Jake nods, like he knows exactly how Drake feels. “So we're done with wedding planning for tonight?” he asks, resting a hand on my knee with a squeeze.

“Well, technically, we need to pick a date.”

His hand is gone as he leans back in his chair and folds his hands behind his head, eyeing me. Instantly, I feel saddened by the gesture. Right here lately, things have felt tense with Jake and me. I don't think it's just us, because the entire apartment has felt ready to explode. Even Drake has been cranky. The only thing that has changed is that we're planning our wedding.

Is that why everyone is in such a bad mood? It can't be, right? Either way, things are tense. I mean, we haven't been intimate in two months, a very long two months. That's not good. Everything appears good on the surface, but something is off. It's so unusual for Jake to be as unaffectionate as he has been these last two months. I'm not used to this person and it bothers me because he's not offering any reason for his behavior. I don't have the slightest idea what's going on with him. As for Drake, I have no clue about him either.

“How about July?” he asks. “That's the calmest month of my schedule and it'll be perfect weather for the beach.”

“How about the third weekend? That way, we'll definitely stay out of the way of any July 4th vacation plans.”

“Sounds great.” He smiles easily, but it lacks true happiness.

“Okay,” I say, writing it down at the top of my paper with a note to find out the actual date of the Saturday that weekend.

“I'm going to head to bed.” Jake stands and without a pause, exits to our room.

A stabbing pain snags at my heart. No kiss. No 'I love you.' Nothing. This is how it's been for two months. Nothing but days of him being distant, and I'm sick of it. It makes me feel even worse when he's gone to away games. We still go out to eat afterwards, but end up going our separate ways as I return to work. I can't for the life of me figure out why things are as they are. Something is bothering Jake so much that he's practically abandoned me. Is abandoned the right word? It sure feels like that is what has happened.

Where is my fiancé? There is no way I'm going to put up with this any longer. I'm tired of this Jake. We're planning our wedding. We should be behaving so lovey-dovey that it makes other people want to vomit. We should be over the moon with love and happiness. I won't let this continue any longer. Tonight, I'm going to get my love back.

I leave my things on the table and flip the switch. Jake's in the bathroom, brushing his teeth. I debate for half a second on if I should wear my sexy lingerie or one of his jerseys, since he loves me in that too. I decide on the lingerie since hockey could be the focus of his stress and open a dresser drawer to retrieve it. My love walks right by me and flops onto bed as if I'm not even standing here.

I slip into the bathroom to pretty up. I've got to be quick, though, because otherwise, Jake will fall asleep. Minutes later, I open the bathroom door wearing sheer lingerie and no panties. I'm so thankful that Jake is sitting up in bed, atop the covers, even though the TV is on. However, my heart sinks a little when he doesn't even flicker his eyes over to me. Is he so caught up in his own troubles that he can't even glance at me? I'm barely clothed, and he could care less. With a deep breath, I trudge forward.

“Turn it off, Jake,” I say, full of false confidence.

His eyes skid over to me, and his brows rise slightly. For a fraction of a second, I panic. What if he turns me down? He's never outright turned me down before in the six years that we've been together. My anxiety eases when he reaches for the remote on the nightstand and turns off the TV, all without taking his eyes off me as I walk over to his side of the bed. Once he returns the remote, I straddle him, splaying my hands on his bare chest.

I'm tempted to say something, but I decide to wait. Leaning forward, I give my love a simple, sweet kiss once. And then again, before I run my tongue lightly over his bottom lip, asking for entrance. He answers by parting his lips and grabbing my hips, his fingers digging into my skin as our kiss heats up. Relief and pure bliss run through me as Jake devours me with such hungry kisses and demanding hands.

Later, we're laying in bed, exhausted and satisfied, when Jake turns his head and smiles. Finally. It's the first real smile I've seen in a while. Feeling good about things, for the moment, I cuddle up to him. His hand rests on my hip, and I let the high of sex wane before I say anything. I'm a little surprised when it's Jake who speaks first.

“It's been a while, huh,” he states quietly.

“Yeah. What's been going on, love?”

He sighs, but doesn't answer. Is he refraining from answering because he doesn't want to tell me or is it because he doesn't know? Or are things so much worse than I originally thought? Is something going on that I've missed?

“Is it hockey?” God, please let it be hockey. It's wrong to say, but the alternative is that Jake isn't happy with us and I rather it be hockey than us.

“A little. I mean, I love it, I really do.”

“Then what is it?” I ask softly.

“Let's not worry about it tonight, okay? There's something else I want to talk to you about.”

“Yeah?” I ask, propping myself up on an elbow and looking at him. “What is it?”

Jake watches me closely, but there's a spark of excitement in his eyes. “I believe our time here in our apartment is almost over. What do you think about buying or building a house outside of the city? I'd really like to build instead of buy.”

“Really? But we're closer to everything here.” I'm slightly confused as to why we would need to move, even though we're getting married. We are fine where we are, for the time being, especially since it's just us three. Moving for the sake of moving seems unnecessary.

“I know. I want something that's ours.” He pauses. “It's because of another thought of mine too.”

I wait for him to speak while it seems as if he's judging what my reaction could be. He picks up my hand that's resting on his chest, kisses the tip of each one before intertwining our fingers. My heartbeat races with anxiety. Jake should spill it already because he's making me nervous.

“Since we are getting married, I thought that maybe it is time to come off birth control? When we build a house outside the city, we'll already be living in a place big enough to accommodate any future additions to our family. I just figured it might be easier to do it now than to wait until you get pregnant to move to a bigger place.”

My heart stutters to a halt. He wants to start thinking about kids? No, that isn't right. He is thinking about kids. We aren't married yet and honestly, it still startles me to think about it, even after all this time. When has he been thinking about this because he sure hasn't shown that he's been thinking about me lately, much less our future? Now he's trying to tell me he wants us to have a baby? Slowly, my heart starts to beat again.

“Sweetness, say something,” he says gently.

I lay my head on his chest once more and his fingers dive into my hair to play. I want to ask where all this is coming from, but I don't. “I don't know, Jake. The thought of being pregnant makes me nervous. I don't want it to happen again,” I finally say softly to address what scares me the most. “I'm not saying that I wouldn't want to try, but I'm a little scared.”

He squeezes my hip. “Me too.”

“Really?” I glance up at him. By now, this shouldn't be a surprise.

“Of course. I don't want to go through that again either. Think about it, okay?”

I nod. Before resting my head on his chest once more, we cover up. Happiness spreads through me at laying in his arms once more. It's about time. His hand seems to be moving mindlessly in my hair. Something he said is nagging me, and I can't easily fall asleep while trying to pinpoint what exactly it is. After a few minutes, his hand slows, and I know that he's amidst drifting to sleep.

I run his words through my mind once more, and it hits me. He wants to build a house here in Chicago. That sounds pretty permanent to me. It isn't until now, that I realize that while I want permanence with Jake, I don't particularly care to have it in Chicago. Don't get me wrong, I like it here, but it isn't home. I guess it is now though. It should feel like home after all this time, right? I mean, we've lived her for three years. It should be home, but North Carolina doesn't feel like home anymore either.

“Sweets,” Jake grumbles groggily.