Chapter Thirteen
Damn. Damn. Damn.
Cameron stared at the stars sparkling in the inky night above her. What the hell had she done?
Ian lay beside her, his arm stretched across her stomach. His hand gripped her hip possessively. As she squeezed her eyes shut, a lone tear slid down her cheek. Even after all this time, he owned her. Body. Heart. Soul. There was no escaping the hold he had on her.
And still. “We shouldn’t have done that.”
Beside her, Ian lifted his head. His dark eyes barely opened as he stared at her. The sight of his rumpled hair and satiated gaze made her heart squeeze.
Fuck. Ian Gauthier would be the death of her. She never claimed to be Superman, but this man was definitely her kryptonite.
He shot her a cocky grin. “Buyer’s remorse already? That might be a record.”
She scrubbed her hands over her face. “Ian, you know we shouldn’t—”
His lips against hers stopped her argument. When he pulled away, the humor had vanished. “Can’t we just have a minute to… bask?” Hovering over her again, he nuzzled against her neck. New chills raced over her skin, tightening her nipples anew.
Oh, how she’d love to bask. To lie in Ian’s arms like she used to and let the world move on without her. Sighing, she closed her eyes. For one minute she’d concentrate on the feel of his skin warming hers.
“We didn’t use a condom,” he murmured against her neck
Her eyes flashed open. So much for basking.
Ian rose onto his elbow, staring into her eyes. “Sorry. I didn’t bring any to the island. I wasn’t expecting to find you here.”
She nudged him away so she could sit. “I’m protected. And I’m clean. I’ve only been with Keso.” And that hadn’t happened in years.
Ian didn’t respond, but the heat of his stare burned into the scars on her back.
“Why aren’t you still with him, Cam?”
She searched for her dress. This wasn’t a conversation she could have naked.
“When you were pregnant, you said it was important to you that we be married. Why aren’t you and Keso married?”
“You and I were already engaged. We were getting married anyway,” she hedged.
Behind her, he zipped his pants. “Still. You have Ara, but you’re not with Keso. Why?”
Sighing, she shifted to see him over her shoulder. “I think it’s important for kids to be in a home where parents love one another.”
“You and Keso don’t love each other?”
“Not enough.” She turned back to the water. After the way Ian had broken her heart, she’d likely never trust that anyone loved her enough. After all, look how well he’d fooled her.
“So, he’s not the reason we shouldn’t have done that?”
Yes, but also no. She and Keso weren’t committed to each other. They could sleep with whomever they wanted. Keso often did, though never with women on this island. Cameron hadn’t had a desire to find a partner. She cared for Keso and had been attracted to him. But neither was enough to tie him to her when she knew she’d never love him the way she loved Ian.
She climbed to her feet. “There are many reasons we shouldn’t have done that. Keso is just one of them.”
Ian still sat on the ground. His forearms rested on his bent knees. With his dark hair hanging over his forehead and his whiskey eyes focused on her, her stomach lit with nerves. Looking at him almost hurt. No man should be that devastatingly handsome.
“I don’t understand. I love you. You love me. You don’t love him. Why should we not be together?”
Where to start? “Because we don’t belong together. Because I have a daughter and a life here. Because you live one thousand, six hundred and sixty-nine miles away. Because as soon as Brodie wakes up or you run out of vacation days, you’ll be gone. Because you say you love me, but I can’t trust you.” She clamped her mouth shut.
Pushing to his feet, he loomed over her. “You can’t trust me? When have I ever lied to you?”
“I’m not doing this with you, Ian. Just because the sex was good—”
“The sex was fucking awesome.” He grinned.
She wouldn’t be taken in by his charm. “That doesn’t mean we’re good together.”
“So, what was this?” He threw out a hand toward the flattened grass they’d lain upon.
Lifting a shoulder, she sighed. “Closure. The goodbye sex we never had. I don’t know, but it definitely wasn’t starting over.”
“You could come back, you know? Everyone at the hospital would welcome you with open arms. All your things are still in the apartment.”
She narrowed her eyes, focusing on his pleading eyes. She couldn’t remember ever seeing Ian desperate before.
“I’m going to make this very clear for you.” She had to. If he kept asking, she’d want that life again. But going back, no matter how much she may want to, was impossible. She stepped closer until his body heat reached her. “This island is my home. More importantly, it’s the only home my daughter has ever known. Her father, a man who loves her, who genuinely wants her and wants to be a part of her life, lives here. I will never go back.”
Ian’s stare turned to a glare. His nostrils flared.
“I’m not staying because I love Keso. I’m staying because I love my daughter. I won’t let a man have that much sway over my life again. Especially you.”
Spinning on her heel, she tried to hurry away. Ian’s large hand wrapped around her bicep, whirling her back around. His mouth crashed into hers, feeding from her lips as if he needed her to survive. She pushed him away so hard he stumbled back.
“Don’t come near me again, Ian. Please. If you do love me like you claim, stay away and leave me to my peace.”
This time, she didn’t bother trying to make a graceful exit. Once her back was to him, she ran, not stopping until she sank to the boards of her cottage porch.
* * *