Chapter Fourteen
No.
Cameron’s first instinct was to deny his words. For six years, she’d held onto this truth: Ian had been unfaithful and hadn’t wanted their daughter. That truth had driven her away from her home, from the man she loved. Because of her beliefs, she’d suffered in silence and forced Ian to as well. Had everything she thought she knew been a lie?
She sank to the couch. Her thoughts spun. Flashes of memory cascaded in her mind. Ian kissing her belly. Ian whispering to their child. Ian making love to her. Ian kissing Mallory. Mallory following Ian around their camp. Ian responding abruptly whenever Mallory flirted with him. Mallory telling Cameron how lucky she was to have Ian.
Numerous memories of Mallory showing an interest in Ian, but not even one where Ian returned her attention.
“Cam?” Ian stepped closer to the couch, eyeing her like she was a wounded animal.
The description wasn’t wholly inaccurate. She felt wounded anew. For years, she’d blamed Ian for ruining them and destroying her love for him. But what if she’d been her own worst enemy? This new realization caused fresh pain to bloom in her chest.
Ian crouched in front of her, placing his hands on her bare knees. Warmth spread from his palms, up her thighs, between her thighs.
“You were sending me away.” That she hadn’t imagined. During almost every conversation they’d had in the days leading up to the accident, he’d urged her to return home.
“I wasn’t sending you away. I was making sure you and our daughter were safe.” His voice cracked. He dropped his head as his grip tightened on her thighs. “I failed. If I’d gotten you out of there even a day earlier…”
Tears slipped down her cheeks. She’d chosen to stay in Africa. Ian had tried to convince her to leave, but she’d been so sure the women there needed her.
“I’d already planned to leave as soon as another doctor arrived,” he continued. “I didn’t want to be away from you or the baby.” Finally, he lifted his head and looked into her eyes.
She shook her head. Could she believe him? Was he still lying to her? “I thought you wanted me to leave so you could be with Mallory.”
Sighing, he scrubbed a hand over his face. “Cam, baby, think about it. How could I have even done that? Forget the fact I would never cheat on you. How could I have an affair in camp? Nothing’s a secret there.”
True. When she and Ian had first slept together, their colleagues had known within days, probably hours. There were no hiding places when living in their makeshift tent cities.
“I assumed that’s why you wanted me gone.”
“And what about everyone else? Those doctors were your friends, Cam. Did you think they’d keep quiet while I betrayed you?”
She’d hoped not. But Mallory had supposedly been her friend too. “Mallory certainly didn’t mind.”
He lifted his hand palm up as if to say, “there is that”. “Mallory was never anyone’s friend.” Something passed over his face, darkening his eyes.
She tensed. “What?”
Ian pulled in a deep breath. “I should’ve told you sooner. I planned to tell you after she kissed me. Mallory had said and done things since we’d landed in Africa.”
Cameron’s gut twisted. So, she hadn’t been completely off base. She raised a brow.
“I didn’t want you to worry,” he explained. “I knew I would never give into her. So, I—”
“But you I did.” Sure, he claimed he hadn’t slept with the other woman, but she’d seen, and he’d admitted, he’d kissed her.
His eyes glassed over, tears shimmering. He lifted his shoulder, then let it fall. “I don’t know, Cam. I don’t know everything you saw. I met her, away from camp, to tell her to cut the shit or I was reporting her to Wes. I didn’t want you to hear us and get upset.”
“Great job there,” she muttered.
He sighed. “I know. While I was talking, she kissed me. I don’t even remember everything. One minute I was talking and the next she was pressed against me.”
Cameron wanted to vomit. Maybe then the pain in her stomach would ease.
“I pushed her away, and I told her I didn’t want her. When she argued, I called her a child and told her I didn’t want a child. I never meant our child.”
Sniffling, Cameron swiped at the tears on her cheeks. Everything he said made sense. If he’d told her this six years ago, she likely would’ve believed him. But for half a decade she’d lived with doubt as her constant companion.
“This is why you left me? Why you gave us up?”
She closed her eyes against the raw pain of his words. “I thought if I left, you could move on to the life you really wanted. I just wanted you to be happy.”
Cursing, he rose to his feet, then paced away. “Well, I assure you I haven’t been happy one day since you walked out.”
What did she say to that? What could she say? She’d thought she did what was best. Now, she discovered she, not Ian, had ruined everything.
“Ian, I—”
A quick knock on the door was her only warning before Keso barreled in. When he spotted Ian, he froze. His green eyes widened. His gaze darted back-and-forth between Ian, standing in the middle of the small room, and Cameron, tear soaked, on the couch. Slowly, Keso closed the door. The click of the latch was like an explosion in the quiet, tense room.