“Well, I didn’t go into details. He’d already figured out we slept together.”
Probably even before last night. Keso seemed like an intuitive man. No doubt he’d sensed the connection between Ian and Cameron. “You told him about before? About our relationship?”
She nodded. “He already knew all that. He just didn’t know you were… you.”
“And now that he does?”
The corner of her mouth lifted. “I’m pretty sure he wants to throw you into the ocean.”
Smiling, he nudged her chin up with his fist. “That’s okay. I’m a strong swimmer.”
She rolled her eyes, which only made him smile wider.
Sensing she could use a subject change, he asked, “How’s Arabella?”
She blew out a loud breath. “Exhausting. She did not take your advice to listen to her parents.”
“She seems like a handful.”
Cameron scoffed. “You have no idea. That girl is a full-time job. She won’t let a few stitches or injured ribs stop her.”
“Takes after her mama.”
Something sad and dark swept over Cameron’s face, before she shook her head, as if wiping it away. She shrugged. “You’ve seen her. She’s a miniature Keso.” For some reason, her smile had dimmed.
“Physically. But I know you. That girl is a mini Cameron Crawford, if ever there was one.”
Face softening, she raised her gaze to his. “You think?”
His affirmation seemed important to her. As if her literally saving the girl’s life days ago wasn’t enough, she needed to hear she was a good mother.
“I know.” Lifting a strand of her dark hair, he wrapped it around his finger. “The way she talks, the way she laughs, the way she gets crazy excited and her eyes light up, the way she totally has me wrapped around her finger and willing to do anything for her. She gets all that from you.”
Cameron twisted her lips, trying to keep from crying. “Thank you.”
“Of course. That girl adores you.”
Pulling her lip between her teeth, she nodded. “I overheard you two talking today.”
He swallowed, afraid she was about to blast him for discussing her with her daughter. Instead, she surprised him by placing her hand against his cheek.
“She really likes you.”
Emotion rose in his chest. He adored Arabella too and already dreaded leaving her. “She’s a great kid. You and Keso should be really proud of her.” And damn, it still hurt that Cameron shared a child with someone else. The fact that she was Keso’s didn’t affect how much he cared for the girl, but he couldn’t help the jealousy that twisted in his gut that the other man had a piece of Cameron he didn’t have.
Again, something passed over her face, a tightening of her features and darkening of her eyes foreign to Ian. She opened her mouth, but then closed it as if thinking better of what she almost said.
Finally, she shifted. “We are.”
For a moment they stood, neither of them speaking. He itched to pull her close, to hold her like he used to. But although they’d cleared some of the air, they weren’t back to where they’d been years ago. He loved her no less, but in some ways, he no longer knew her.
“I heard what you told her about your almost wife and daughter.” Tears crowded her eyes.
He looked away from her pain.
“What you told me this morning? It’s true?”
“Every word.”
“So, I’m the one who did this to us? I’m the one who ruined everything?”
He should console her, tell her their separation wasn’t her fault, but he wouldn’t lie to make her feel better. “Maybe if I told you about Mallory sooner, you wouldn’t have thought the worst when you saw us.” He couldn’t give her any more than that. The things she’d condemned him for in her head weren’t true.
“I wish we could just take it all back,” he confessed. “I wonder all the time what life would be like if you’d never gotten hurt.”
She wiped tears from her cheeks. “I wake up every day and picture the life we would’ve had. I imagine you lying beside me, and what my day would be like, how many children we’d have now, but…”
Slipping his hands to her waist, he tugged her closer. “But?”
“But I wouldn’t have Arabella.” Guilt shown on her lovely face.
As much as he hated that she’d created a life with someone else, Ian vowed in that moment to never let it come between them, to never let his own jealousy or insecurities cloud his love for Cam or her daughter. “I can’t say I’m thankful for the way things happened with us, but now that I’ve met that little Spitfire, I can’t imagine a world without her.”
A watery laugh flowed from Cameron. “Do you ever think what our daughter would be like?”
God, did he? Only every fucking day. “A lot like Arabella, I’m sure.”
She shook her head. “She’d be worse. With your genes, she’d have everyone eating out of her palm.”
He laughed, a full, from the belly, heartfelt laugh. A week ago, he’d have sworn he’d never laugh again. Especially when discussing the child he’d lost.
“We can always try again,” he offered. “Arabella mentioned she’d like a little brother or sister.”
Hope, fierce and genuine, flashed in her eyes before she stamped it out. “I’ve already told you, we don’t have a future, Ian.”
But she wanted one. The longing was etched on her features. Could he convince her to change her mind? Would it be fair to Arabella or Keso if he did? As much as he wanted to hate the other man, he had no real reason to. And if Ian truly loved Arabella, as he was beginning to suspect he did, he couldn’t separate her from a father who adored her.
Instead of facing his insecurities, he settled for asking, “Can we just have now? While I’m here, can we just be together?”
* * *