He couldn’t possibly know what had gone through that woman’s mind, and maybe he was being fanciful, but his conclusion felt right.
Maybe there was room for a little forgiveness for his mother after all. And hopefully, one day, maybe Benny would feel the same toward him.
Chapter Twenty
Bright and early Monday morning, Benny sat in the corner chair in Luke’s office, sipping her coffee. She’d been sitting there for twenty minutes already, and it was a test of her will not to stare obsessively at the clock as she waited for his arrival.
But she needed to get this off her chest before she could move on. Move on to pretending that her life was going to be okay now that Henry wouldn’t be in it. Pretending until the pretense eventually became reality.
And she felt like she could breathe fully once again.
It wasn’t until ten to eight that Luke finally appeared in the door. “Benny? Well, good morning, beautiful. This is a nice surprise.” He walked in, accepting the cup of coffee that she held out for him and took his seat. “Are you feeling better?”
“I’m doing okay.” Luke had actually called and checked in on her briefly last night, but she’d kept the call short, not trusting herself to get into things with him on the phone without bursting into tears. Besides, this needed to be done in person.
He seemed to suddenly recognize her fatigue as his face clouded over with concern. “You sure you’re okay?”
He really was a great guy. Why hadn’t she fallen in love with him?
She smiled. “Let’s just say that whatever is bothering me isn’t physical.”
“Okay…so what seems to be the trouble?”
“It’s just that—well…wow. This is harder than I thought.” She leaned forward, trying to gather her thoughts. “Let’s just say that over the past few weeks, I’ve learned a lot about myself. About who I am. About what I need to be happy.”
Luke looked confused, but he nodded, waiting for her to go on.
“I don’t know if you knew this, but when I started working at the clinic, I kind of had a bit of a crush on you.” Luke grinned, but she couldn’t let her embarrassment stop her. “But as you may recall, I struggled with how to talk with you or approach you or even be seen as anyone other than a klutz. I was sure the only way you were going to be interested in me is if I changed everything about me. So much so that I don’t even know if what you like about me is because of who I am—or who I’ve pretended to be. Who I thought you wanted me to be.”
“I don’t think I understand.” He shook his head in confusion. “I think you’re wonderful.”
He wasn’t making this any easier on her. “Tell me something. When did you first consider asking me out? When did you first really look at me as someone you might be interested in?”
Luke scratched his head. “I don’t know. Maybe when you brought me that first cup of coffee.”
She nodded. “You realize that I’d been working here for about two months by that point. What was it about that particular moment that changed things for you? Was it because I’d cut my hair, layered on lipstick and makeup, bought some new clothes? Was that why I suddenly became more attractive to you? Finally caught your attention?”
His forehead creased in confusion. “No. I mean, I don’t know about you changing your hair or any of that. It was just that…well, before, you always seemed to run away from me. I didn’t think you even liked me, frankly. But that day, you actually spoke to me. And we talked. And after that you just seemed…more confident.”
Benny hadn’t necessarily expected Luke to admit he was so superficial as to only have seen her, really seen her, until after she’d had the makeover. She’d thought he’d be evasive or uncertain until she pointed it out to him. This, however, was unexpected. “When we talked? You mean when I pressed you to talk about your interests, about golf?”
He paused. “I don’t remember what we talked about, but I was flattered that you actually sought me out. Finally had a conversation with me. Not that I hadn’t noticed the way you were suddenly dressing differently, or that you were wearing your hair differently. But before, you were kind of…unapproachable. And then you suddenly weren’t. And sure, I thought the changes were great. However, I’ve dated attractive women before; I don’t always necessarily ask them out for second dates. Or ask them to meet my parents. We just seem to have so much in common, have the same interests.”
“What would you think if I told you that I haven’t been very up front with you? Maybe even a bit…misleading.”
“I don’t think I follow.”
“Okay. Let’s start with the sushi. I loathe it. The look, the smell, the taste and consistency. Most of the time, I prefer my seafood well cooked or slathered in mayo on a sandwich. And up until a few weeks ago I hadn’t owned an eyelash curler, let alone used one. Then there’s golf, a sport I only took up in the first place because I wanted to impress you.”
He looked thunderstruck. “Why would you do all that?”
“I guess I wasn’t convinced that you’d find me interesting enough or pretty enough just…being me. But over the past couple of days, as we’ve grown closer, I’ve come to realize that you aren’t really getting to know the real me. That for so long I wasn’t even sure if the real me was worth getting to know.” She held up her hands as he looked like he was going to disagree. “I know, th
at sounds really pathetic. But it was true. It’s only now that I’m finally able to recognize that maybe the old Benny wasn’t so bad after all. The real Benny would have told you she hated sushi and told you she didn’t know how to golf or think it was a very interesting sport.”
“You think I wouldn’t have liked you if you’d told me these things? That I’m so superficial that I’d have rejected you?” He actually looked affronted. Rightfully so. “That’s crazy.”
“It is crazy. Which is why I think that until I’m more comfortable in my own skin, confident in who I am, you and I should probably take a step back. Maybe just try being friends for a while.”