He at least had the decency to drop his gaze, appearing somewhat contrite. “I’m sorry, Daisy. It’s just…well, I know how much this loan means to you and I wanted to make sure that everything ran as smoothly as possible to move things along. Like I said before, Mark is an expert at preparing the documents needed and it wasn’t putting him out to—”
“So even though I distinctly asked you just a week ago to stop interfering in decisions that affect me without my permission, you took it upon yourself to do exactly that? On something I’ve stressed that I want to do on my own?” She felt tears of anger and frustration rise in her eyes, and she blinked them back.
“I realize you want to do this on your own, that you want to do everything on your own. And I’ve been trying to wrap my head around that because for me, when you care about someone, it seems natural to do what you can to help them when they’re struggling. What’s wrong with asking for or accepting a little help every once in a while?”
Because that’s not what she did. Not anymore. Maybe not ever. But that was beside the point. She’d already made things clear that he couldn’t just jump in whenever the mood struck him when she was perfectly capable of doing things herself.
Instead of yelling all of this at him, she worked on keeping her tone even and calm. “But I didn’t ask for your help. You just did it, once again, without caring whether I wanted it.”
He didn’t look any more convinced, only more confused, if anythin
g. But he took a moment, as if reminding himself of something before he tried again. “We’re going around in circles on this, Daisy. And maybe I know why.” He paused. “You’ve been doing everything by yourself these past two years, and you’re still not sure whether I’m going to be like Leo and up and walk out on you, leaving you to put your life together again.
“I know we talked about this briefly before we left Tahoe,” he continued. “But I want to be clear because the next few months are bound to be crazy and chaotic and it’s going to be more difficult to spend time together than I’d like. I don’t want you ever to think in those times we’re away from each other that my feelings for you are any less.” He reached forward and took her hand in both of his, studying it as he worked through what he wanted to say. “There are going to be obstacles along the way, rough times that test us, but through it all, I need you to know that I love you.”
He…loved her.
Daisy didn’t know what she’d expected him to say, but a profession of love was nowhere on the list of possibilities. And even though she hadn’t said the words out loud before and she was still furious at him for what he’d done today, she couldn’t deny the truth of what she felt.
“I love you, too, Jack.”
He smiled, his hands squeezing hers again, before he took a deep breath. “Then I don’t see why in the coming days we shouldn’t see our way through those good times and tough times as—as husband and wife. Let me comfort you now, take care of you, love you, help you through good times and bad. Daisy, I want to be married to you.” He held her hand up to the light so the engagement ring caught the light. “I want this to actually mean what it’s meant to mean. What I’m trying to ask is…will you marry me?”
Was he actually proposing to her? Like a formal proposal of marriage?
She shook her head in disbelief. “Jack, I—”
She what? She tried to find words. Words that expressed how much she wanted to be able to say yes, to put all her doubts and concerns aside and just take that leap.
But there were still so many things they needed to work out before she’d ever be able to take that step. After all…she’d been here before. Taken the leap, despite the red flags, with disastrous results.
And unlike then, it wasn’t just her that she had to think about.
That realization seemed to bolster her decision. “I can’t, Jack.”
His face, so bright and hopeful before, sank, and it was like a stab to her heart. She rushed to explain.
“It’s not that I don’t love you. I would never have said it unless I meant it, and I do. But you realize that tonight is the first time either of us have actually said the words aloud. There’s still so much we don’t know about each other. I mean, I haven’t even met your dad yet. Let’s put things in perspective for a minute, Jack. We only met three weeks ago. You do not get engaged to someone after knowing them for only three weeks.”
“Is that it then? Because I understand that, I do. But just because the timetable isn’t what people expect doesn’t make it any less right. I know that this is insane, that we barely know each other, but in so many ways, I feel like I’ve always known you. And I know that whether it’s now or in three months, three years, or even three decades, I’m still going to want to marry you, Daisy.”
She looked down at where his hands held hers, his fingers caressing her skin. His words were perfect. Everything she could want him to say.
“It’s not that simple. Ever since I met you, Jack, I’ve been terrified. Terrified by the feelings for you that overwhelmed me at times, terrified that those feelings would lead me to lose control of my life again. All the things you’ve done, like giving me a brand-new car, offering to swing me a loan until the bakery takes off, or even what happened today at the bank… I know you did it because you’re trying to make my life easier. But it feels like I lose something of myself when you do. I’ve been down this road. I’ve let myself be wrapped up in another person, let them take the reins of my life, and when he left, my whole world fell apart.”
“This isn’t the same, Daisy. I’m not like Leo. I love that you are independent and strong. That you want to do things on your own. I’m not trying to take that away from you.”
“But that’s what you’ve done,” she said and pulled her hand from his, her frustration rising again. “Swooping in at every turn to try and save the day has left me feeling almost helpless. Or at least that’s how it has felt the past few days.”
“You’re saying you can’t marry me because I want to help you, take care of you, make your life and the kids’ lives better?” He sounded almost incredulous.
“I’m saying that right now…I can’t promise forever. Not yet. It’s just far too soon for me to make that kind of commitment. Not when we have so much to still work on.”
Where was all this even coming from? She was angry again, at herself and at him, for putting her in this position right now. This proposal, tonight of all nights, just seemed so premature in light of where there relationship was.
“Why now, Jack? What’s the sudden urgency? I mean, why can’t we just continue as we are, figuring things out, learning about each other as we go, like people do in a regular relationship—how I thought we’d agreed to take things when we left Tahoe just one week ago.”
He hesitated. “I’m not going to lie to you. It’s been mentioned recently that pushing our engagement in the spotlight could help propel my popularity in the polls…”