CHAPTER 19
Naomi
I fidgeted as I watched the scenery pass by, wondering exactly where we were at this moment and what we could be flying over. I knew I could pull it up on the small screen embedded in the plane’s wall next to me, but honestly, I was too scared to touch anything.
When Gavril had told me that we were going to Russia, I thought we would fly commercial.
Why I didn’t know. I mean, I was flying with a Pakhan, a very powerful and wealthy man who could fly his own damn helicopter at that.
Flying commercial was beneath him.
The private jet was honestly amazing. I hadn’t flown like this before, the sleek white and black interior matching Gavril’s hot and cold nature. We weren’t alone for this flight, though. The guard who had taken me the first time was also with us, though he was sitting near the cockpit, minding his own business. Anatoly was his name, and Gavril had told me that I could trust him.
I really couldn’t even trust myself right now, especially not the feelings I had swirling around inside. It wasn’t about the trip or the fact that I was about to see another part of the world. No, that I could handle.
What I couldn’t handle was my growing feelings for the man seated across from me, currently tapping away on his phone. Since we had taken off, Gavril had spent much of his time on his phone, sometimes speaking harshly into it in Russian and other times typing away.
I really would hate to be the person on the other end of the phone.
Whatever reason we were going to Russia for, it wasn’t just for a pleasure trip. Something was wrong, something he hadn’t told me about.
Not that I expected him to do so.
Clearing my throat, I picked up my bottle of water out of the holder and took a drink. Honestly, I was excited about going to see where Gavril was born and meet his family. I wanted a chance to put some pieces into place at what had made him the way he was. He wouldn’t be able to hide his family or what they might say about him, and I wanted to peel another layer back about what made him tick.
I wanted to know my husband.
It was a futile cause, of course. Gavril was never going to let me in, would never let me get truly close to him.
Besides, I was expendable. I might be playing the part of his wife now, but it didn’t mean that I would be there forever. Once I served my purpose and gave him the child he wanted, he would likely either kill me or tuck me away to be forgotten.
He might have promised me the world on the balcony that night, but I knew he didn’t mean it. He had no intentions of making me truly feel like a Pakhan’s wife or at least one that was cared for. I really didn’t need the flashy lifestyle or the ability to travel the world.
I just wanted to be loved. That need had stemmed from my time with Jon and time with my therapist after the fact. She had told me long ago I was going to always crave the things I thought I couldn’t have, and love was one of those things.
For the longest time I thought I wasn’t worthy of love, mainly due to the horrible way I had been treated by Jon and what he had done to me.
Now I knew that wasn’t true, but watching Gavril as he all but ignored me today, I had serious concerns that it might still be true. I wasn’t going to get love and affection out of him. I wasn’t going to have the fairy tale ending that I imagined.
This marriage wasn’t going to produce any of that, so why was I having feelings toward Gavril? They had come out of nowhere the night he called out my name, reinforced that afternoon in the pool, where he had let down just a tiny bit of his guard to me.
It had me seeing things that weren’t there before.
Finally, Gavril placed his phone on the armrest next to him and picked up his drink, eyeing me over the rim. “You should get comfortable,” he said. “We have a long way to go.”
“I am comfortable,” I said with a faint smile. “I will rest in a little while.”
He took a drink, the ice clinking in his glass, and I felt his gaze sear into mine. “There is a bed in the back,” he finally said, placing his glass in the cupholder. “For you to stretch out.”
I let out a sharp laugh, unable to help it. “You’re joking, right?” I had seen the door when I had sat down, but I thought it was a bathroom or something.
Gavril smirked. “No. I fly in comfort and style, especially halfway across the world.”
A bed. My cheeks heated at the thought of us both going to that bed, joining the mile-high club before we got to Russia. Gavril must have noted my cheeks because his eyes grew heated. “Would you like to see it?” he murmured, tapping his fingers against his knee.
“Maybe later,” I answered, clearing my throat. “Why is it so important that we go to Russia now? Don’t you have pressing matters in LA?”
Some of the heat faded, and his jaw clenched. “There is a shipment that requires my attention.”
“What sort of shipment?” I asked lightly, curious to know what sort of business Gavril truly was involved in. I knew what I had read on him back before he had become my husband, but I was sure there were things that not even the papers and the feds knew about.
Besides, it had to be something very important that would require a trip to Russia like this.
His expression hardened. “Nothing that you need to be concerned with, Sveta. That is my fucking business.”
Gavril didn’t elaborate and I swallowed, looking away from the harshness of not only his expression but also his tone. He hadn’t been harsh like that in a long time, and it sent a shiver down my spine, a stark reminder of what sort of man my husband was.
“Forgive me,” I murmured, refusing to meet his gaze.
He didn’t respond and I bit my lower lip, staring out into the fading light of another day, obscuring my view of what was below us. It didn’t matter. I was never going to be treated as an equal in Gavril’s life. Heck, I wasn’t even myself in his world. He didn’t say my actual name. He didn’t even really treat me as a wife, a partner. It was never his intention to do so.
I was a pawn in his game. I knew that, and perhaps Gavril was reminding himself as well. We could have all the sex that he wanted to, but it would be nothing more than sex between us.
After a while, Gavril stood and extended his hand toward me, his penetrating gaze betraying no emotion. “You are about to fall asleep sitting up,” he said. “Come on. Let me show you the bed.”
As much as I wanted to ignore his hand, I knew that Anatoly was listening to us. He would expect me to be submissive to my husband, to be Sveta, who wouldn’t tell Gavril no for any reason.
So I placed my hand in his and allowed him to help me out of my seat, leading me to the back of the plane where he opened the door and revealed a bed, running lights built into the ceiling to illuminate the space. “You can rest in here,” he stated as I moved into the small space. “No one will bother you.”
I turned toward Gavril. “What about you?” I asked, even though I felt like an idiot for doing so.
He seemed surprised by my question. “I will rest in a little while.”
Disappointment threaded through me, but I didn’t let it show. He hadn’t slept with me up until now; why did I think it would be any different?
“All right.”
Gavril stepped forward, brushing his lips over my temple. “Sleep, Sveta. You will need your strength.”
“Good night,” I said softly as he walked out, shutting the door behind him. A well of tears threatened to overcome me suddenly, and I pushed them back. Now wasn’t the time to cry about things I couldn’t control. Gavril was right. I needed to pull myself together and remain strong.
I had no doubt that I would need it.