The Player and the Single Mom

It still felt in a way that I was borrowing him. That he didn’t belong to me.

Marigold was also asleep, her head in my lap, her feet on Cash’s thighs. I smoothed her curls back, amazed that she had managed the position while still wearing her seat belt.

Hearing her call Cash “daddy” had nearly killed me. She hadn’t asked if she could call him that. We’d never discussed it. She had just taken it upon herself. Part of me felt guilty given that John was her father and he had wanted her very much. But she didn’t remember him at all and was it fair that she would grow up without a father? I didn’t expect the older kids would ever call him anything other than Cash, but Marigold was different. She clearly wanted a dad like the other kids at school had. If it was okay with Cash, I didn’t want to deny her that.

But it was scary. There was a lot riding on all of this working out between me and Cash. No pressure. Just my child’s heart on the line.

A glance over to the right showed Johnny with the restroom headphones on his head, watching something on his phone. Ava was also asleep, fortunately.

I sighed in relief that everything was quiet for now, and closed my eyes. Sleep didn’t come though. I was nervous to meet Cash’s whole family. Miles and Toni had declined Cash’s invitation to fly down too and I wasn’t thrilled with my sister. She claimed some crap about having a big case she and her P.I. partner Oscar were working on, but mostly I thought she and Miles wanted to be alone after just having gotten back from a trip to Tampa to see his family. Fair enough, but it didn’t make me any less grumpy. I could have used the backup of familiar faces in a sea of strangers.

Though it had occurred to me that maybe Cash wanted them there because he was going to propose to me, so their refusal made that seem less possible, which was good.

I wasn’t ready for a proposal that was his attempt to make up for his “we could get married if you want,” statement. I was concerned it would be over-the-top and forced romanticism that he didn’t even entirely feel. Or feel at all.

Cash was thoughtful and always willing to do the right thing, but that didn’t mean that he actually wanted to marry me, deep in his heart. He might think of it solely in terms of obligation. A reasonably palatable obligation, maybe, because I knew he did like me, but not what he necessarily would have chosen.

That thought made me even grumpier.

Unable to sleep, I watched a romantic comedy on the plane’s seat TV and then got annoyed when the female character was supposed to be broke but lived in a gorgeous light-filled apartment in New York City with cute furniture eating her takeout and drinking wine with her girlfriends from matching goblets.

“Bullshit,” I murmured at the screen.

“What?” Cash said.

“Huh?” I glanced over and saw he was sitting up straight. “Just ranting at this movie.”

“These tiny rubber shoes are creating a major dent in my thighs,” he said, shifting in the seat and pulling Marigold’s shoes off. “It’s unbelievable.”

“Wait until you’ve stepped on a Lego while barefoot. That’s a whole new level of pain.”

“I bet. I’ve been meaning to ask you about your dad. How did he react to the baby news?” Cash asked, his voice low so he didn’t wake up Marigold.

“Oh, he just laughed his butt off,” I said. “He thought it was hilarious.” My father was a unique guy and his reaction hadn’t surprised me at all.

“He laughed?” Cash frowned. “That seems weird. Doesn’t it?”

“Not at all. He thinks everything is funny. He’s the guy who cracks a joke at a funeral and then tells people to lighten up when they’re horrified.” I paused my movie because honestly, I did want to see where this girl who had just told off her boss and quit her thankless job was going to find love. I was putting odds on the bar for her friend’s promotion party, where she drowned her sorrows in shots of tequila with a random stranger who turned out to be the guy she has an interview with for a new job the next week. After she’s had sex with him.

Impractical apartment or not, I would watch the shit out of a movie like that.

“I don’t really know what to say to that,” Cash said.

“That’s okay. No one does. It’s a miracle any of the three of us are even remotely normal. Though I suppose some people might debate that.”

“You all seem pretty normal to me. Especially Helena.” He gave me a grin.

I leaned over and smacked his arm. “Hey. You just met her for the first time last week. Though honestly, she is the most well-adjusted of us. Or maybe it’s just middle child syndrome. She likes to keep the peace.”

“Toby is my peace keeping sibling. He wants everyone to get along all the time. The opposite of Faith.”

Which was not reassuring considering she was flying back with us on Monday and moving into Cash’s for a few weeks. Because Cash had bumped up our moving day, Faith would be there while we were spending our first days living together. I was really not happy about that but I wasn’t sure how to protest without sounding bitchy. Cash had pointed out that Faith would be a free babysitter, which was true, but honestly, Johnny and Ava didn’t need a babysitter for the most part.

“I’m interested to see where you grew up.”

“I’m sorry for the early flight. I didn’t think that through.”

“It’s okay. You’re a rookie. I’ve never flown with the kids anyway, so it’s not like I knew what to expect. Well, except for Johnny thinking he lost his phone. That was a guarantee.”

“You seem to be doing okay with the flying this time. You don’t seem nervous.”

“Oh, I’m secretly freaking out, but I didn’t want the kids to pick up on my energy.”

“Too bad there is a kid sprawled across you,” he said, giving me a smile. “Or I could relax you.”

I returned his smile. “Yeah, too bad. Welcome to our new reality.”

“I kind of like our reality.”

“Me too,” I murmured.