“You’ve loved me for a long time; you just said it. So you loved me then, but you didn’t want me then.” I wanted answers. I wanted an explanation for his behavior, an explanation that would make sense of everything. “Why now? Why not then?”
When he had no reply for me, bitterness filled me. He loved me, but I wasn’t worthy of an explanation.
I was still just like everyone else to him.
“I’m not that asshole,” he said. “Whoever that guy was who hurt you. But this will be an adjustment for me. I’m not going to lie about that. However, I’ve never felt like this about anyone, and I will sacrifice all the bullshit I thought was important to me, like being a law unto myself, if it means I get to lie next to you every night.”
His words tried to worm their way inside me.
I cared about this man, I was more attracted to him than I’d ever been to anyone, and I wanted to believe his beautiful words. But all they were, were beautiful words.
They weren’t an explanation for why he’d made this so damn hard for us.
He was hiding something.
And that scared the crap out of me.
“You didn’t answer my question.”
Vaughn stared at me in anguish, and I saw the war going on behind his eyes.
And then I saw the moment he decided not to trust me.
A flatness entered his expression and just like that, he closed up on me.
No.
No way could I risk myself on him.
If I fell in love with Vaughn Tremaine, he’d break me in half.
Tears spilled down my cheeks as I felt renewed disappointment. “You keep hurting me.”
He had the decency to look guilty. “I don’t mean to.”
“Then stop,” I pleaded. “Just stop. I need you . . . I need you to stay away from me.”
Vaughn flinched but after a moment of contemplation he nodded. “I’d do anything to make you happy.”
If that were true, he’d tell me why up until now he’d pushed me away. “Just words, Vaughn. Those are just words.”
I turned away, needing to be out of his presence as quickly as possible. I could smell him on my skin, I could still feel him inside of me, and I was desperate to climb into my shower and sob this moment out of me.
As I stepped out into the hallway, about to close the door behind me, Vaughn called, “Wait!”
“Vaughn—”
“No, wait.” He hurried toward me, cutting off my protestations. “There’s something you need to know. It’s about Vanessa.”
TWENTY-ONE
Bailey
The lesson that I’d hoped to learn from my relationship with Tom, that thing I’d been trying to tell myself since that first night with Vaughn, had penetrated. Finally.
I believed I deserved to have the kind of passion that I’d found with Vaughn. But I believed I deserved to find it with a man who would trust me enough to let down his guard with me; to really let me get to know the real him.
One summer when I was nineteen years old I’d fallen in love with the wrong boy and he’d shattered me. However, he’d taught me a lesson I’d never forgotten: to trust actions over words. I’d gotten over that boy, but I’d never gotten over the lesson.