Rough Exile

“It’s nothing fancy, just a sandwich. I made it from your food.”

I built my sandwich in the pan. My stomach was anticipating the snack, and it growled with impatience.

“What do you mean by learning to take command of a woman?”

“You know—the way Bron does.”

“The way he does with you?”

He swallowed and looked down at the half sandwich in his hand. “Yes.”

“Do you like it when he takes command of you?”

“He shames me.” He bit into the sandwich, not meeting my gaze. “I’m not in control of my own body. He punishes me and I…” He glanced at the doorway as though afraid he might find Bron listening. “I feel ashamed, but I also want more. He uses my body because I can’t stop him. I’m weak for him.”

Finding that hot was probably wrong, but my mind flashed back to the sight of him naked on the floor, and was eager to fill in the blanks. How was Bron dominating him supposed to make him tougher?

“You don’t want to stop him.” I sat across the table from him and took a bite of my sandwich.

“No.” He chewed slowly. “Is that wrong? I only wish he used me because he wanted me, and not because there are no women here to use.” His smile was self-deprecating. “I’ve heard that in America, a man can lie with a man and not be ashamed.”

“Well, we’re not a perfect society by any means, but I hope most fathers wouldn’t hire a man to beat you and fuck you to make you ‘tougher.’”

“I think Bron wants me to grow stronger and fight him off, but instead I dream of him. I sketch his nude body and write him poetry. We’re alone here too much, maybe. Since Yana disappeared, I have only Bron.”

I sucked some butter from my finger and glanced up to find his gaze arrested by my mouth. “You know, if Bron brought me here to teach you about being with women, you don’t have to wait for him to give me orders. You could ask me for what you want.”

“And you would do it because I asked?”

“I would.”

He glanced away from me and got up and went to the fridge. He came back to his spot and sat, plunking a soda down in front of each of us.

“If you weren’t being paid, how would a man convince you to have sex with him?”

I took another bite of my sandwich and chewed, thinking and watching him watch me. His unwavering attention was heady. I’d never had a teaching kink, but he was hot, and his inexperience was adorable.

“Do you want to know how most men seduce women, or how to get me into bed, specifically?”

“Either.”

“Well, different women like different things. Assuming a woman is interested in men at all, the next part would be whether she found the man attractive.”

“Am I attractive?”

“To me, physically? Yes. You wouldn’t be some women’s type—they might want you to cut your hair and shave, or they might like their men shorter, or less…well-muscled.”

“Okay. And what else?”

“Some women like men who pay attention to them and make them happy, or who can make them laugh. Some women like men who will dominate them and boss them around, or men who want to be dominated, or who will treat them like a queen. Most of them want a man who is nice to them and makes them feel special in his own way, at least sometimes.”

He nodded. It felt like he was taking a mental note.

“Does Bron make you feel that way?”

“No,” he admitted. “Sometimes he seems to like me a little. It makes me want to please him more, but that’s difficult to do.”

Yikes.

“If you’re in love with him, why do you want to learn about women?”

“I need to learn what I can to convince my father to let us move to the mainland. It’s what Bron wants, and what I should want, too. Until then, it’s only me and Bron, and my soft, useless feelings. I can’t live like a pathetic durak forever, having him but not having him.”

His eyes were shining with amused self-deprecation.

The two of us stared at each other for what felt like a long time, his expression growing serious. He’d taken a significant risk confiding in me the way he had. Maybe I was supposed to be teaching him how to be more manly, but there was nothing hotter than a man who let me into his head. He deserved some positive reinforcement for that.

I pushed away from the table and went to him. He looked like he might bolt.

Boldly, I slid onto his lap. He froze beneath me.

“Are you okay with this?” I asked.

“Um…yes.”