Rough Exile

Chapter Twenty-Two

Vastookupall of Bron’s time.

For days, Ilya sat in the dark in the bedroom we’d all shared, the blinds drawn. He’d been mostly silent, not willing to discuss much of anything, although I got him talking about his plans to rebuild the chicken coop.

At night, they slept separately. I would comfort and have sex with one, then get sent to take care of the other. Although I alternated who I slept with, Bron rarely even shut his eyes, obsessing over the pictures on his camera, so miserable he didn’t care that I saw his entire camera roll was full of beautiful candid shots of Ilya and me.

I hated seeing them apart like this, but I didn’t know what the solution was any more than they did.

“I’m not being very good company for my new bride,” Ilya said one day.

“I’m okay.”

“You’re not. Neither of us are, but we can’t stop living forever.”

“No. It doesn’t help anything, does it?”

“I’m taking you out for the day.”

The two of us showered together and got ready to go out, but it felt strange and sad for Bron to be absent.

Ilya arranged for a car, and although we ran into a few of his siblings and their wives on our way to the front door, they only nodded to us politely or completely ignored us.

When we were safely ensconced in the car, with the divider up between us and the driver, Ilya scowled up at the house we’d just left.

“I wish we could go home today.” He leaned back against the seat. “Why did I work so hard for this? Why did I change who I was to suit these people? I don’t even like them.”

“Maybe they’re shy.”

“I kidnapped you away from your friend—away from your life—and you have always been nicer to me than these people.” We rode in silence for a few minutes and then he added, “Bron is such an asshole, I should have guessed he was my brother.”

He gave a sad laugh, and I smiled at his attempt at a joke.

“Maybe they’re like him—slow to let themselves be vulnerable?”

“No. No one is like him.” He pointed his gaze out the window. His hand sought mine, and I laced our fingers together. “I won’t die from losing him, but I almost wish I would.”

His throat bobbed and his nostrils flared as he struggled to master his emotions.

“I have no idea how you’re managing.”

“It’s even harder knowing he wants me even now. I feel like I’m denying myself air. Seeing him…” He swiped at his cheek, then turned back to me and leaned in, kissing my nose. “You’re enough on your own. I just miss him.” His voice broke on the word ‘miss’ and the nightmarish wave of despair swamped me all over again.

He squeezed my hand. “I wonder how Lev is dealing with the goats. I hope he’s remembering to put them in the shed at night.”

“And I hope Nayda isn’t being difficult.” My favorite goat was a pain in the ass and had a big attitude that always made me laugh. I’d wondered about them so many times since we’d left our island. If anyone had told me a few months ago that I would be worried about the welfare of my goats, I would have wondered about their grasp on reality.

“I’m sure Lev is doing fine. He managed well the other times he took care of the farm for us. We had everything organized when we left, and the schedule should be easy enough to follow.”

I nodded, but still wished there was better cell reception on the island so we could check in.

When it came to phone calls, I really needed to call my family, too. I hadn’t spoken to them in months. And what wouldn’t I give for Lane’s phone number so I could call her, and tell her what was going on so I could vent about it?

“While we shop, maybe we can find a place that sells different varieties of seeds,” Ilya mused.

“That sounds like fun.” Had I really said that? Shopping for shoes was fun. Shopping for seeds shouldn’t be.

“We should get you some rubber boots that fit better, too, and maybe some steel-toed boots in case we do heavy work. We should have thought of it the last time we were shopping, but I was focused on the trip here.”

“At that point, I don’t think you were planning to go back to the island at all.”

He turned his head and looked at me, his dark eyes showing golden flecks in the bright sunlight. God, he was gorgeous. I missed his beard, but he didn’t need one to hide his handsome face. I ran a fingertip over his smooth cheek. He leaned in and kissed me, long and sweet. His hand slid into my hair and cradled the back of my head.

“When we go back, I’ll do everything in my power to keep you happy.”

“You always make me happy. I’m not worried about that.”

“I know it’s not the same as having Bron with us, but maybe we could still have a good life there—maybe we could learn to live without him.”

“Maybe he can visit us.”