“I needed you,” she admitted in a whisper.
She felt him dip his head to her shoulder, pressing a kiss to the curve of her neck. “I’m sorry. I just couldn’t come around you then. Not with how things were between us.”
“I thought things were good between us.”
“Jess, you know what I mean. I gotta spell it out? You were growing up, and I was taking notice in a way I shouldn’t have.”
She shook her head. “It hurt, Ghost. You just cutting me out like that.”
He exhaled deeply and his tone hardened “What do you want me to say? The things I was starting to feel, the things I was starting to want…” he broke off releasing her and stepping away.
She turned to him.
“Say it. I need you to say it.”
He whirled back on her. “I wanted you. But I couldn’t have you, Jess. You know that. Me leaving was the best thing I could do for you.”
“Doesn’t feel like it turned out that way.”
He slammed a fist into his chest. “And that’s my fault? You runnin’ off with that loser—that’s my fault?”
She looked down.
“You were supposed to go to college, Jess. You were smart. You could have done anything. Hell, you had you’re whole life ahead of you.” He paused, running his hand through his hair. “And what do you do? Run off with that little fucker to God knows where.”
“Stop!”
“No, Jess. You fucked up. You! Don’t try and put that on me.”
She turned away, brushing away the sudden tears that burned her eyes. She had fucked up. Everything. Every word he said was true. But he just didn’t understand. She’d been in such a dark place then.
“Look, I’m sorry. I didn’t ask you about this shit to start a fight.”
“Then why did you ask?”
“Tryin’ to understand, I guess.”
“Understand what?”
“Why you went off with that guy. Hell, if you were going to throw it all away, you could’ve done that with me.”
She turned her head to the side, just far enough to see him out of the corner of her eye. “You were jealous?”
She saw him stiffen.
“Was he better for you than I would have been?” he growled.
She swallowed. No, he wasn’t even in the same league. He’d been okay to her at first, but things had soon gone downhill. And she’d stayed with him because she’d been ashamed to admit she’d made a mistake, that she’d fucked up. Pride had made her stick with him longer than she should have. Way longer. And then, when it’d turned physical, she’d been even more ashamed. She’d left with no plans, no possessions, just the clothes on her back. She was even more embarrassed that she’d allowed it to escalate that far. And when she’s reached that final straw, and she knew she’d had nowhere else to turn, she went looking for the one man that made her feel safe.
“Was he, Jess?”
She shook her head, replying quietly, “You know he wasn’t.”
“You left Seattle with no car, no bags, barely any money. What happened?”
She shook her head again. “Nothing. I’d just had enough.”
“What aren’t you tellin’ me, Jess?”