Wolf (Evil Dead MC 4)

“Shh. Shh.” She didn’t know what else to say. She knew with all too much authority that nothing anyone could say made this any better or any easier.

“This is my fault. This is all my fault,” he muttered.

She shook her head against him. “No. No, baby.”

“I wasn’t there for you. I should have been there for you. For you both.”

“Wolf.”

They held each other for a long time, both clutching each other tightly, seeking comfort for something to which there was no comfort, no solace.

Eventually, he took her by the arms and set her away, rising to his feet. Without a word he went into the small bathroom, closing the door. She knew he was a man that didn’t let weakness show very often, maybe never. Never showed his failings. Never let himself be vulnerable. In an MC he couldn’t afford to reveal or expose any weakness. Ever. And she was sure he didn’t like her seeing them.

She pulled a pair of jeans out of her bag and slid them and her shoes on and stepped outside, giving him time. Leaving the door open, she stood on the concrete walkway of the nearly deserted motel. The early morning air was crisp. She hugged herself and put her nose to Wolf’s soft flannel shirt, breathing in the scent of him. She watched the sunrise, knowing things would never be the same between them after this, but knowing she would no longer be the only one to carry this grief. She’d wanted to spare him from it, but in a way it felt good not to be the only one, not to have to struggle alone with it anymore.

Not that it mattered. It didn’t change anything between them. Not really. Wolf was still Wolf. He was still the free-spirited man she’d fallen for all those years ago. And perhaps that’s how it should be. She shouldn’t want to change him. And if she was being completely honest, she couldn’t risk her heart again, because she knew no matter how much he wanted to be what she needed, that wasn’t him. He was a lone wolf, and perhaps that was for the best.

****

Wolf stared at his reflection in the tiny mirror over the sink. Goddamn, but he was a piece of work. Who the hell was he to confront her in any way about a pregnancy? Even if she had terminated the pregnancy, how could he condemn her for it? How could he blame her or say shit about it? He’d proven himself unworthy, someone she couldn’t count on or depend on when the shit hit the fan. When Mack gave him that ultimatum, he hadn’t stepped up, he hadn’t chosen her, not really. Oh, sure he’d wanted her to stay, he’d wanted to keep her close, but he was only thinking about himself. Even then he somehow thought he could have his cake and eat it too. He thought he would keep her without really committing. What an idiot he was. What an asshole, he’d become. When the hell had he become all about Wolf? Didn’t he have enough to share it all with her?

And what would he have done if she had told him about the baby?

He stared at his reflection, his hands on the sink. He liked to believe he would have stepped up. God, he wanted to believe that with all his soul, but obviously she saw something in him that made her doubt it. Doubt him.

And the fuck of it was, he couldn’t blame her.

He pushed off the sink and strode out of the bathroom. A flash of panic took hold of him when he saw the open door, but his eyes darted to her bag still lying on the floor, and he let out a breath, the tightness in his chest easing.

He stepped outside to find her standing with her back to him, staring into the sunrise. Dawn just beginning to lighten the horizon.

He moved to stand behind her.

“Crystal.”

She stood there, unmoving.

His eyes moved to the horizon and he swallowed, trying to find the words, trying to sort through all his feelings and say this right. Hell, there was no right way. No easy way through any of this. In the end he opted for honesty. “I wish I could take away your pain. I wish I could say something to make this all better, but I just don’t have the words. I don’t know how.”

Still, she didn’t reply or make a move.

“Let me hold you,” he implored softly. “Please. At least let me hold you.” At his words he saw her shoulders begin shaking with a new wave of sobs. It broke Wolf’s heart to see her like this.

“Baby.” He pulled her around and into his arms, holding her tight against his chest, cradling her trembling body. He spoke softly, his mouth at her ear. “This isn’t on you. This is on me. You, the baby, those scars you carry, it’s all on me, sweetheart. I’m to blame for all of it. Every bad thing that’s happened to you, it’s all my fault.”

She tried to shake her head in denial, but he stopped her, his hand coming up to push her head to his chest, stilling her movements. “Shh. It’s true. We both know it’s true. And I’m so sorry, baby. I’m so sorry. For all of it.”

She was quiet in his arms for a few moments. But her next words made him realize she’d only been gathering her armor. She pushed back, putting a few inches between them.

“Let me go, Wolf.” She nodded toward her car.

His eyes followed, landing on her vehicle. Ah, hell, how was he ever going to do that? He shook his head. “I don’t want to let you go. I can’t.”

“You have to.”

“Crystal—I can’t. Don’t ask that of me.”

“Please, Wolf, if you ever had any feelings for me at all, you’ll let me go.”