Anger flooded me so forcefully that I forgot about my heartache for a second.
“I knew he would flip out if I told him
I
was coming, but there was no way I was going to leave you alone with nobody to talk to. And you weren’t answering your phone calls. So when I left for the airport, I switched my flight from South Dakota to New York. And… here I am.”
I frowned a little, perplexed. “You said… you don’t
know
if he’s coming or not.”
“No.”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean, I haven’t talked to him since I left Vegas. He hasn’t left me any messages or texts. So, for all I know, he might have changed his mind. He might be on his way here right now.”
My heart skipped a beat.
From hope or from terror, I wasn’t really sure.
Probably both.
I looked over at my phone, charging next to the bed. I’d turned it off so I could sleep – but I still hadn’t looked at anything more than a few of the texts, or listened to anything more than that first voicemail.
“I… I need to… think for a little bit,” I said haltingly.
Ryan followed my gaze and understood immediately. “I think that’s a good idea. I’m starving. I saw this little place as the cab was driving up – bagels and stuff. You want me to go down and get some food, bring it back up? It’ll take me about… oh, thirty minutes or so.”
I knew exactly the place he was talking about. And there was no way it would take him ten minutes, much less thirty.
I was so grateful to him for lying, though.
“Yeah. That would be great. Thank you.”
He smiled at me. We both stood up… he put a hand on my shoulder consolingly… and I leaned in and hugged him again.
“Thank you,” I whispered.
“You’re welcome,” he whispered back.
8
After Ryan left, I listened to all the voicemails and read all the texts. In fact, another eleven popped up when I turned the phone back on.
Ryan’s were all super-concerned about me, and all of them were really sweet.
“Hey, Kaitlyn, it’s Ryan… I’m really worried about you. Give me a call and just let me know you’re all right.”
“Hey, it’s Ryan… I’m a little concerned that I haven’t heard from you. Could you give me a call or text, just to let me know everything’s okay?”
“It’s Ryan. Just to give you fair warning, I got your information from Miles, and I’m dropping by your apartment in New York. I don’t want to freak you out, so I’m letting you know ahead of time. I guess I’ll see you in about eight hours. Hope this isn’t a problem for you. If it is, just leave me a message and I’ll turn around and go back.”
I smiled throughout each of them.
Derek, by contrast, was like listening to Dr. Jekyll or Mr. Hyde, depending on the message. Half of them were pathetic, half of them were assholish to the extreme.
“Kaitlyn, I’m sorry. I’m really, really sorry. TALK to me, don’t shut me out like this. Call me back. I’m borrowing this phone from one of the guys on the crew, so just… call me back.”
“Kaitlyn, pick up, dammit. Look, I know I fucked up – okay? I’ve said that. Quit trying to punish me and fucking talk to me, goddammit.”
“Kaitlyn, you… you are the most important thing in the world to me, and I completely fucked it up. I am so, so sorry… please call me back. We can work this out, I KNOW we can… just give me a chance, babe. Please. Call me back.”
“God DAMN IT, Kaitlyn – what the fuck?! Where do you get off judging me like this? Like you’re Little Miss Perfect, and never – AAAARHHH! GOD DAMN IT! FUCKING CALL ME BACK, YOU STUPID – Jesus FUCKING Christ!”
“Okay… Kaitlyn… look… I NEED you to call me back. Please. This is fucking driving me insane. Just call me. Text me. Whatever. I need to talk to you. Please. Call me.”
“What is with you? Is this your pathetic little ploy to torture me? To try to control me? Huh? Is this how immature you are? You’re going to cut me off and that’s it? Not even say goodbye, not even say ‘it’s over’? Seriously? Fuck you. I don’t need you in my life if this is how you’re going to act. I don’t need somebody in my life this controlling, this conniving, this passive-aggressive, this… this… ah, fuck it.”
Click.