“And why didn’t you?” I asked quietly. “Lie, cheat, and steal, I mean?”
I was expecting something along the lines of,
Because that would be wrong.
Or
He’s my best friend.
Or
I want you to want me back.
Instead, he surprised me – and managed to offend me slightly, too.
“Because you’re still in love with him.”
I looked at him in indignation. “I’m not in love with him anymore.”
It sounded like a declaration. Like I had put
my
cards down on the table.
My heart skipped a beat as soon as I said it.
Ryan looked at me, smiled the tiniest bit, and then looked back at the road. “Good.”
My mind started reeling with scenarios of what might happen. I imagined him stopping the truck, turning to me, taking my face in his hands, leaning in to kiss me –
Suddenly he stopped the truck.
I freaked out.
It was too soon.
I might not be in love with Derek anymore, but I didn’t feel that way about Ryan – not yet –
Or did I?
I didn’t know – this was insane – I had just seen Derek only thirty minutes ago, and now Ryan was going to try to kiss me?!
I didn’t know if I could go through with it –
And then I realized we were at the gate to his property.
Before I could say anything, Ryan jumped out of the truck and pulled open the gate.
When he got back in, the moment had passed. Although there was a feeling of tension that hadn’t been there before.
Sexual tension?
Maybe.
We drove the rest of the way in silence… with a certain amount of relief on my part that nothing had happened.
37
As soon as we got in, I stumbled off to bed and crashed for a few hours. It was involuntary; I could barely keep my eyes open.
I finally got up around 10AM. I was still dragging, but at least I didn’t feel like a zombie.
Ryan was at the dining room table drinking a cup of coffee. “Sleep any?”
“A little,” I yawned as I poured myself a cup in the kitchen, then came in and sat across from him. “You?”
“A little. While I was in bed, I got a message.”
As he placed his phone on the table and hit ‘Speaker,’ my heart skipped a beat.
Derek.
But no, it wasn’t Derek. It was Riley.
“Oh shit, Ryan, pick up – pick up, fucker, it’s Riley! …oh, yeah, this is a cell… fuck, call me back when you get this. I think I fucked up… I didn’t tell Megan about Blondie and Derek and you and the whole keeping it on the down-low thing, and she talked to Derek while I was asleep. She didn’t know, Ry, don’t be mad at her, it was my fault! Anyway, I think Derek might be coming out there – fuck, Fuck, FUCK – call me back, man, call me back!”
“A day late and a buck short,” I muttered, annoyed.
“Well, at least she tried.”
“I guess.”
“Not to mention you’re witnessing a historic day.”
“What’s that?”
“When Riley was up before either one of us.”
“We were up before she was. We just went back to bed.
And
we’re two time zones behind her.”
“Why do you want to take away her simple victories, Kaitlyn?” Ryan asked me in mock seriousness.
I chuckled. “She’d do the same for me.”
“Probably,” Ryan grinned. “I’m going to call her back. You want to stick around?”
“Sure, why not.”
The day can’t get much worse anyways,
I thought.
Hey, I was exhausted, my ex-boyfriend had been a monster to me, and I was about to get hit on relentlessly by a horny punk-rock lesbian. I was cranky, alright?
Except she didn’t hit on me. Not once.
In fact, she acted ten times more scared than in all the time I’d known her. The ‘I don’t give a fuck’ shtick was gone, replaced by sheer panic.
“Ryan – oh shit – did you get my message?”
“Yeah. Kaitlyn’s here with me – ”
“What?! What’s she doing there?! You gotta get her the fuck out of there, Ryan!”
“Riley – ”
“He’s gonna show up any minute! Oh fuck, oh fuck, I’m so sorry, guys – I didn’t even think to tell Megan – I mean, why would I think she’d even ever TALK to Derek? I mean, yeah, of course, now that I look back and know that he’s a fucking stalker asshole – ”
“Riley, calm down.”
“Megan totally lost her shit – she’s so sorry, she cried when I told her – I’M so sorry – it was all my fault – fuck, what are we doing even talking?! You got to get out of there, he could be there any minute – ”
“He’s already been here, Riley.”
Silence.
Then…
“…oh shit.”
Followed by a long, trembling sigh.
“What happened?”
Ryan told her almost everything, from the time Derek showed up on our front door, to Mr. MacCruder and the gunshot, to the jail cell, to the deal the police chief cut him.
Mercifully he left out Derek’s final comments to me – both the one from last night, and the one in the jail. I appreciated that.
At the end of the briefing, Riley was silent.
“You okay?” Ryan asked.
“…did he say he’s quitting the band?”