Scarred Regrets (Bellandi Crime Syndicate 5)

23

SCAR

Istood next to the living room windows.

Somehow connected, but somehow not. Never really a part of the family activities that happened around me. I was nothing but a machine, nothing but a brutal weapon, meant to protect Ivory and Luna against the worst of Matteo’s enemies.

They wanted to pretend that I was family, that I could ever truly belong with them and all their smiling faces. With the joy that Sadie and Enzo shared, signing documents to own a second gym location, and with their positive outlook on life, despite the fact that they’d nearly died.

That Sadie had taken a bullet to save Enzo when they were caught in a shootout.

Only the two of them could walk away from something like that feeling complete and excited for their future because they had each other.

I would never have that; the one woman I wanted was someone who I couldn’t allow myself to have. She stripped away all my control, revealing the layers of broken man beneath until all that remained was a beast determined to break her in all the worst ways.

So I watched. I protected. Sometimes, I even wished for something more.

I wished for the heart that lived outside my body to find her way back to me. For her to have strength for what could exist between us if we could somehow find a way past our own troubles.

I wished for something that could never be.

Sadie giggled as Enzo pointed out all the places she needed to sign her name on the dotted line. The only interruption to their moment of happiness came in the form of the buzzing of the intercom from the front gate.

Matteo moved to it, pressing the button to answer with a stern, “Yeah?”

“Judge Ryan is here,” the guard on duty said, something in his voice raising all the hairs on my neck.

“Let him in,” Matteo responded, his brow furrowing as his eyes connected with mine briefly. Even Enzo tensed, having heard the unspoken message in those few words.

Something was wrong.

Enzo turned back to Sadie, the two of them sharing a private moment as they signed the last page of the document. The knock at the front door finally came, the sound reverberating through my body. Everything inside me tightened, watching as Don emerged from the other room to answer the door.

What I saw standing in the doorway made my body lock. It froze, fear like I’d never known filling me until the heart I hadn’t thought existed pounded in my chest.

Nothing could compare to that moment. Not the rapes. Not having my flesh burned while I screamed. Not being shot six times and drowning in my own blood.

Not finding Cesca dead with a needle in her arm and knowing how drastically I’d failed her.

Nothing.

Judge Ryan stumbled in through the open door, the front of his dress shirt soaked with drying blood. His salt and pepper hair was disheveled as he blinked rapidly, mumbling to himself and looking lost in a way I’d never thought to see the man who was always composed.

“Where’s Irina?” I asked, my voice deathly quiet. He didn’t answer, meeting my eyes with a minute shake of his head that set my blood to boiling. “WHERE IS IRINA?!” I roared, the force of my voice echoing from the high ceilings and hanging in the air.

I couldn’t breathe. Couldn’t see past the red filling my vision.

So much blood.

FUCK.

Ivory stepped up to the judge, touching his arm gently. “Are you hurt?” she asked, tending to the immediate concern. She wouldn’t let the man bleed out on her floor, even with the worry for her friend threatening to make her explode into the bloodthirsty anger I knew she had inside her.

Irina’s father flinched back from her touch. “Not mine. Bryan’s. Found him in Irina’s apartment. They—” He paused, swallowing down his urge to vomit. “Mutilated him.”

“Where’s Irina?” Ivory asked, her voice finally reflecting the fear I knew we all felt. Irina may not have been quite as close to all of them as they were to each other, but she was a friend.

A savior to the city.

“They took her,” Judge Ryan said, the haze in his eyes finally fading as he snapped back to the present situation and what needed to be done. “They took my girl.” He held out his hand, a piece of paper crumpled within that Ivory accepted, bringing it over to her husband. Matteo clenched his jaw, handing the note off to Enzo where I could only just make out the words.

One Bellandi whore.

Matteo moved to me, his face oddly soft as he met my eyes. “We’ll find her,” he said. There was something in his voice that was gentler than I’d have expected. I didn’t want the gentleness that he gave to people on the verge of breaking.

I wanted to drown the world in the blood of the people who’d taken her from us. I wanted to burn everything to the ground until she was home safe.

Was this what it felt like to truly break?

I shoved him away, reaching for the gun at my waist and making for the front door. Enzo moved from Sadie’s side quickly, blocking my path. “I know. I know you want to kill them all,” he said, pulling my attention to him.

I saw him. Saw his face. Knew that he was a man I should know, but there was nothing human left within me.

More beast than man, all I felt was the overwhelming urge to kill anyone and anything that threatened my butterfly.

“We have to find her first,” Enzo said, continuing on as if his words meant anything to me. “You’re no good to her if you’re dead before we find her.”

“Then fucking find her!” I shouted, tugging my gun away from Enzo’s prying grip when he tried to take it from me.

Ivory stepped in, the warmth of her hand seeping into my too-cold skin when she touched my cheek. “They’ll find her and bring her home, Scar. She’s going to need you when they do,” she said, slipping her hand over the gun. I released it to her grip, my body heaving with something that felt like it cleaved me in two.

The strangled sound that escaped my mouth was more animal than man, the kind of agony I never could have imagined filling the void between the two halves where I’d been torn open.

Ivory turned her stare to Matteo, her gaze hard and unforgiving. “You find her now,” she said, that bloodthirsty fury finally filling her eyes as she let her own monster come out to play.

There wasn’t much that could turn Ivory Bellandi into a beast like us, but the danger of her loved ones would do it every time.

Matteo and Enzo both nodded, grabbing the judge and heading out the front door without another word. They left me with the women watching over me, feeling like I needed to destroy something.

Anything.

“Get Luna out of here,” I said, the words coming through gritted teeth. Ivory nodded to Sadie, who grabbed the toddler up into her arms and darted up the stairs, taking her to the safety of her bedroom and all her toys.

Ivory and I listened for the door to close, standing in absolute silence until the click echoed through the loft space and down to the main living room.