Not with the way the word glared up at me in stark, bold letters.
Pregnant.
Even having known what the test would say, I swallowed my sob. I'd never felt so conflicted, never wanted something so badly despite knowing it had the potential to ruin my relationship with Matteo. He was all I'd wanted for so long; it was completely disarming to realize that for the very first time, there was something I wanted more.
This baby. Even knowing it was nothing more than a tiny collection of cells in my womb, even knowing there was likely nothing resembling a baby to it yet, I wanted that baby more than anything.
I loved it in a way I'd never known could be possible.
I made sure the test was clean, carrying it out to Sadie.
"Oh my God," she whispered, her eyes filling with tears of joy. I nodded back at her, feeling beyond happy. "He's an idiot if he isn't over the moon, but I don't think you'll have that problem," she whispered, taking the purse I carried out to her.
"I hope you're right."
"You going to tell him now?" I nodded. "Okay, call me if you need me." She crushed me to her in a tight hug that I felt in my soul. No matter what happened, I'd always have Sadie.
And I hoped Duke.
I'd be okay.
I just hoped I'd still have Matteo.
???
As soon as she left, I took a few deep breaths and started my way down the hallway, pregnancy test still in hand. It was fairly unusual for Matteo to work with the door open, let alone have meetings, but the light streaming through the crack in the door was there, regardless. I realized with a start that I'd been the last one to leave the office, and it must have been me who left it open. I hoped they hadn't heard any snippets of my conversation with Sadie, but my hopes dashed when I heard Matteo's annoyed tone as he snapped at Lino.
"I don't understand what's taking so long!"
"These things take time, Matteo," Donatello soothed him, that fatherly tone to his voice. "We've talked about this. It will happen. You're both young and in your prime. Without the pills, you just have to be patient." I froze in my steps, the first inkling of something being horribly wrong making me listen to know for sure.
"How long has it been since you swapped out her pills for placebos?" Lino whispered to him. "It can take months. Some people are just less fertile than others."
I gasped, covering my mouth quickly as my body started to shake.
It couldn't possibly be what it sounded like.
There was no way Matteo could do something like that to me.
And yet, it made too much sense. I wasn't naïve. I knew that the pill wasn't foolproof, but I'd never so much as had a pregnancy scare before. To get pregnant within weeks of Matteo returning to my life?
"Six weeks," Matteo grunted in response to Lino's question, and it felt like something within me shriveled and died. Any chance we'd had at having an open and honest marriage, any chance I'd felt I might have had where he respected the boundaries
of a normal relationship.
Just gone.
Having heard enough, I shoved open the door and stepped into the office. Three sets of shocked eyes turned my way, Matteo's icy blue ones closing briefly as he clenched his jaw. "Please tell me it's not true," I whispered, watching as his eyes drifted down to the pregnancy test still clutched in my hand.
"Get out," Matteo muttered, and neither Lino nor Donatello put up a fight, taking the opportunity to happily flee what was no doubt about to devolve into something ugly. "Angel," he murmured softly, stepping around his desk and looking like he might touch me. He reached out a hand, slipping the test from me so he could read the damned word that changed our lives.
That he'd changed without my consent.
"Did you change out my birth control pills?" I whispered, and his eyes darted up to look at me finally, so much joy swimming in them as he clutched the test tightly. "Please, Teo. Tell me you didn't do this." My voice broke, devolving into a sob.
He reached for me, cupping my cheek in his strong hand. "I can't," he whispered solemnly despite the happy little smile that continued to tip his lips up. His eyes went to my stomach, and his hand followed. He stroked it over my dress, acting like he could already feel the life growing inside me.
The life he'd put there, without a single thought for what I might want. "How could you do this?"