"I know—"
"Do you think if we're not married you have a chance of ever getting away from me?" I stepped into her, giving her no choice but to retreat until the back of her knees hit the bed. I resisted the urge to pick her up and toss her onto it, only through sheer willpower alone. I had to go to work, and the kids were downstairs with Dante. "You will never leave me. Do you understand me when I tell you that? Marriage or not, this is forever, Calla."
She swallowed. "I understand. I didn't mean," she paused, shaking her head as her face twisted. She looked dejected. "I guess it was nice to pretend that I had a choice for a little while. Thank you for reminding me what this is," she said, and the deep blue of her eyes seemed empty when she finally met my gaze again. "I wouldn't want to forget my place."
"Don't do that," I growled at her in warning. "Is it so horrible that I just want to marry you, to make you my wife?"
"It's not the fact that you want to marry me that's wrong, Ryker," she whispered, and I could hear the way tears threatened her voice, but she pushed through. "It's you not caring if it's what I want."
"Of course, I care. I know you want this life we can have together, Calla. You just have to pull your head out of your own ass long enough to see that the only thing holding you back
is shit that doesn't matter. I took you? So fucking what? You fell in love with me anyway."
She gasped, neither confirming nor denying my words. I didn't need her to say them, because I saw it in her eyes every time she looked at me. Whether she was pissed or hurt or happy, there was no lying about the kinds of emotions that played in those deep blue pools. She fought me at every turn, because she loved me enough that she wanted our relationship to be everything it could. Unlike with Chad, where she'd been content to accept the status quo, because deep down she'd known that it wouldn't bring her happiness. That it couldn't.
Because he wasn't me.
She opened her mouth to speak, but I cut her off. “Don’t even think about lying to me. No lies, remember?” She nodded, biting her tongue instead of spewing whatever kind of bullshit excuse she’d prepared in an attempt to deny her feelings for me. "Get over how we started, Calla. You're only hurting yourself by hanging on to hurt that you shouldn't have. If we're happy, then what difference does it make?" I asked, pressing a harsh kiss to her lips and stepping back from her. I tugged on my shirt, leaving her gaping after me as I walked out the bedroom door.
I took the time to smile and say goodbye to my kids downstairs, and then I left my Sunshine to think about what I'd said. It didn't matter what she decided, anyway. She'd be my wife come Saturday.
I just hoped she'd do it with a smile on her face.
Thirty-Seven
Calla
Ines pranced in front of the mirror of the guest bedroom at Matteo and Ivory's house, fluffing her lilac dress as she danced around happily. The men had taken Axel, letting him get dressed with Ryker in another room, and I wanted my girl with me while the girls went about doing my makeup.
"Where's Sadie?" Samara asked, as she finished contouring my face. When Ivory came at me with eyeliner, I shut my eyes for fear of my life.
"She already had plans with Patrick," Ivory said. "She wanted to be here so bad, but things aren’t going so well—"
"It's fine." I smiled. In all honesty, I barely knew the woman. I'd only met her once, so I would have thought it more unusual if she had been there. That said, I barely knew any of the Bellandis. The entire situation was strange, how quickly they adopted the kids and I into their family just because Ryker said we were his.
For them, it really was that simple.
I thought about our conversation a few days prior, about how his words had struck me to the core. They were true. No matter how much I'd developed feelings for Ryker, I still couldn't seem to let go of the fact that he'd stalked me. That he'd taken away my will the day he tricked me into walking into his home, knowing he wouldn't let me leave.
He'd betrayed my trust before I'd ever known him, and no matter how he made me feel, I couldn't shake the feeling that he'd do it again. "You said that you and Matteo had a rocky start?" I asked Ivory, and she set the eyeliner down.
"It was a little different, I imagine. I already knew him. We dated in high school. He broke my heart. The usual sob story," she laughed, but there was just the hint of pain in her voice that I knew came from that place where we all clung to past hurts. No matter what made up for them after the fact.
"Don't listen to her," Samara snapped. "She's downplaying it. She knew him, and she also wanted nothing to do with him. She hated him, as I'm sure you can imagine, given what he did to her. He only made it worse once they got together, moving her in here when she didn't want to, holding her down and putting a tracker in her, and he switched out her birth control for placebos so she got pregnant."
"Oh God," I whispered, staring at Ivory. "And you forgave him?"
She shrugged, a brief smile toying at her mouth. "Something happened, and it put things into perspective for me. I love him, and I wouldn't want to die knowing that I didn't give it a shot out of fear. You only get one life, one chance, at the love these men have for their women. Don't let fear dictate that you can't have it. So he isn't normal," she shrugged again. "But he's yours."
"Don't say the love word," Samara whispered as if she wasn't standing directly behind me. "You might scare her."
"He told me he loves me already," I laughed, and Samara rolled her eyes at the mirror.
"Well, lucky you that you have a man smart enough to do that before the wedding. Lino didn't bother to tell me until weeks after we were already married."
Ivory giggled, shaking her head. "He thought you knew. I don't know how you didn't. Everybody knew."
"The best way to make damn sure I knew would have been to just tell me, wouldn't it?" She grimaced at the mirror, but it faded quickly when her hand came down to rest on her belly before she took out the eyeshadow.