"Helping you shower."
"You—what?" I watched him strip the shirt off his shoulders, and my eyes caught on the tattoo on his chest, an eye staring back at me. It was realistic, blurring out in a puff of fog and abstract tribal details with the only pop of color the iris itself in a pale grey tinted with light blue. My hand reached out to touch it, fingers brushing over the eyelashes that fanned out from the eye. Lino gasped softly, so subtly I nearly missed it. "What is this?"
"My everything. Everything I spent years protecting. Everything I want for myself." I furrowed my
brow in confusion and looked up at him, finding him grinning down at me in amusement. "You'll understand one day soon, Little Dove. For now, let's get you clean."
"I can do it," I protested weakly, flinching when his fingers tickled the flesh of my thigh as he reached for the hem of the shirt I wore. I saw the moment he seemed to recognize the band logo staring back at him, and a rare moment of smug satisfaction crossed over his handsome, angular face.
"You sleep in my shirt often, vita mia?" I resisted the urge to cross my arms over my chest, too off-kilter with his proximity and those traitorous fingers dancing against my skin. The smile he gave me both infuriated me and made my pulse race. Such was the devastating beauty of Lino's perfect teeth and full lips tipping up to reveal that one dimple to the right of his mouth. "Did you sleep in this when you were with him?"
My face went hot, suddenly feeling like wearing a friend's shirt to bed had been inappropriate. It wasn't like I'd imagined Lino when I was with Connor; it wasn't like I'd used the man I'd once called my husband to fill the void. But regardless of the fact that our relationship had never been romantic, if I'd been forced to choose between Connor and Lino, even in the happiest moments of my marriage, there was no doubt who I'd choose. Lino was just a part of me.
The other half of me. Even as friends.
"You wore my shirt." He drew said shirt up, but it got caught on my arms when I shoved it down.
"I can shower alone," I hissed, fighting him when he tugged again.
"Little Dove, you can barely stand on your own. There's no way I'm leaving you to shower alone." Using his free hand, he lifted my arms up so he could maneuver it over my head. I couldn't breathe. Couldn't find the path to functioning, not with my naked torso open to his eyes and so close to touching his bare chest. "Relax. You can trust me."
I nodded, sucking in a deep breath. Exhaustion was real, something that came closer and closer to overtaking me with every second I spent objecting. I knew if we didn't get the shower over with soon, I'd be dead on my feet. My chest heaved with the breath, my nipples scraping against his skin gently and sending a tingle straight to my core. His eyes never left my face, never ventured lower to the sight of a naked woman practically in his arms.
It was all the confirmation I needed that Lino would never be more than a friend, would never see me as anything other than a best friend and the baby sister of his other friend. He backed away half a step, his fingers unfastening his pants, so they dropped to his feet, and he went through the awkward motions of stripping them off and freeing his feet from his socks and shoes. I didn't glance down, didn't dare look to see if he wore underwear or what he might look like if he didn't. My emotions spun, exhaustion bringing them all to the forefront.
The man I'd always wanted didn't even see me. So, I determined that I'd school myself against his charm and not see him either. A nurse. He became a nurse about to give me a professional sponge bath.
In the shower.
Naked.
With a quick swallow, I slid my fingers inside the waistband of my bikini underwear and let them fall to my feet. I looked away from Lino, taking my first step on my own since before the assault.
When my legs wavered, he was there, catching me against him. Those strong hands grasped around the backs of my thighs, lifting my feet off the ground just enough that he could shuffle us into the massive shower and under the rain shower head in the center. As soon as my coppery hair was drenched, clinging to my shoulders like a wet rat, he turned me to face away from him.
I was grateful for the reprieve. Avoiding eye contact was nearly impossible when he was so close. Touching me. A bottle cap popped open, and his fingers soon slid through my hair and slowly massaged my scalp so thoroughly that I think I moaned and let my eyes drift closed. "It smells like you," I whispered.
"My shampoo typically would." The humor returned to his voice, but it felt strained. Like being so close to me naked was painful. I could only imagine it felt similar to seeing your sister naked, given the way he hadn't reacted to me. I'd thought something had been shifting in our relationship, thought it wasn't just me who felt the sudden urgency and desire since I'd announced my divorce.
But it appeared I was wrong again when it came to Lino. I doubted it would be the last time.
"Is this your room?"
He stilled, as if realizing suddenly that something was weighty. Something in this moment meant something to him, but I had no idea what it might be. Just that I knew him well enough to hear the gears turning.
"Yes, Little Dove. This is my bathroom. That was my bed."
"Why wouldn't you bring me to a guest room?"
"Tomorrow. We'll talk about those kinds of things in the morning. After you've told me the truth, I'll give you my truth." I swallowed as he rinsed my hair, knowing that the time had come to be honest. But in the morning. For the night, I just wanted to forget. To pretend that, just maybe, there was a version of life where Lino could be mine. Where someone could cherish me the way he did.
Where I mattered.
So, when he worked conditioner through my hair, I settled into the feeling of his hands brushing against my back, of his fabric covered groin brushing against my ass. The hot water felt like heaven against my skin, but nothing compared to the way Lino ran a soapy loofah over every inch of my body. He didn't hesitate, didn't hover in any key place and was downright methodical about the way he cleaned me, but nothing could take away the fact that he was caring for me. That he loved me enough in his way to suffer through something like this with me.
For me.
By the time he inched my legs apart to run the loofah over the most intimate parts of me, I was so relaxed I was half asleep and my body jolted with a moan. He stilled, waiting, and I felt his breath at my ear.