"Don't be surprised if he checks in with you often. After the other day, I'm going to want regular updates that you're in sight."
"Lino!" I protested, wincing at the reminder. "Things are different now!"
"Don't. I know they are, but it's going to take me a while to be comfortable with it. I can't go through that fear again." He kissed me, a slow kiss that reassured me against the sting of his words. "I'll be back as soon as I can."
"I love you," I murmured as he pulled away.
"I love you too." Then he left the bedroom, making his way down the stairs. By the time I followed, I watched out the window as he climbed into the back seat of his car and Georgio waved to me through the window. As soon as the car slid out the open gate and it shut to seal me back inside the property, I plunked down onto the sofa.
I hated myself for causing problems for Lino and Matteo.
I just had to hope it would work out in the end, but it felt more like the wakeup call I'd been waiting for. The reminder that my baggage didn't only affect me.
***
Lino didn't come home that night.
I waited up, couldn't seem to settle down in bed without him next to me anyway.
Curling up with a book hadn't worked. I'd been too restless to focus on the words on the screen, so it was all I could do to pick a show to stream online and binge it through the night.
I still sat there watching it when the front door opened in the early hours of the morning. When he found me sitting on the couch, he sighed, part relief and part frustration.
"You should have gone to bed," he chastised me.
"I tried, but I couldn't sleep." The admission came easy, but he made no move to close the gap between us. Anxiety rippled in my stomach, wondering if maybe I'd messed up the business enough that he would genuinely be angry with me. "What happened?"
"You don't have to worry about it," he yawned. "We've taken care of it."
"What does that mean?" I knew there was a snap to my voice. I hadn't meant to be angry, hadn't meant to give him sass, but I was so fucking tired, and I wouldn't be kept in the dark when it came to my own problems.
"They're going to let us know when he shows up," he strode for the stairs, and I followed after turning off the television.
"And what did you have to give them in exchange?"
"Samara—" he started, and I knew from the tone in his voice that he would blow me off. Tell me not to worry. Tell me it was business.
"He's my ex-husband. I'm the reason he thinks he has information at all, and I'm the only reason you're looking for him so desperately. There is zero chance that I'm going to just let you handle that! If he actually has information, what if he goes to someone else in the meantime? What if it could put you in jail? Or put Matteo in jail? That's my fault."
"It's not your fault, Little Dove," he murmured, but I shook my head. Pain arched through me, and my heart twisted in my chest. The idea of leaving him, of having caused him pain or problems seemed so much harder after he'd told me he loved me. Like I'd never been meant to have it, and this was just one more thing pulling us apart. Like the universe had a sick sense of humor, because women like me didn't get to be happy. It just didn't happen for the girls from the wrong side of the tracks who had to fight their way out.
If I'd fought less, I could have ended up being one of Matteo's escorts. Maybe that was why I didn't blame them for the path they'd chosen, because I'd known it was largely luck that kept me from that fate. Luck and a brother who would have strangled me when he found out. I had no illusions that my brother wouldn't be familiar with that part of the business.
"It is, but maybe if I disappear from your life, so will Connor. There's no reason for you to concern yourself with him if I'm not here. I can just go to another city," I sighed, and my fingers toyed with the rings on my left hand. "I brought this problem into your life. It should be me who makes it go away."
"If you take off those rings, I'll have them surgically attached to your finger." I startled at the harshness in his voice. "This is my job. It is my job as your husband to protect you from all the bullshit, whether it's mine or yours. So you need to deal with that and let me fucking handle it."
He stripped off his jacket and took off his shoes. "But—"
"Samara, did I promise to love you when it was convenient? Or did I promise to love you through good and bad?" He unbuttoned his shirt, giving me a show as he threw our vows at me. I remembered them, but they were also tangled up in the web in my mind, given that I hadn't thought our marriage was real at the time. His pants followed, and he paused to study me, clearly waiting for my answer.
"Good and bad," I mumbled.
"This ain't that bad," he gave a brief chuckle. "I'm sure we'll have worse coming our way eventually. I need you to be strong, and I need you to be that rock you've always been for me. Let me come home and know that my wife has my back, that she's not going to get spooked by some drama or he said she said bullshit threat and try to leave me. Can you do that for me?"
I nodded, "I can do that." Shame filled me, I'd only promised not to leave two days before, and my instincts already had me running for the hills. "I'm sorry."
"Don't be sorry. You promised you wouldn't run, and here you are. You didn't leave even though I'm sure you wanted to. You waited for me to come home and you talked to me about the way you were feeling. That's all I can ask of you, vita mia." He touched his lips to my forehead, turning and striding for the bathroom. The shower came on, and I knew he wanted to clean the night off him. Crawling into bed finally, I sighed in comfort. Even the sound of the shower seemed like a relief, a reminder that he was home and we would figure it out.