Until Lexi

21

JAKE

I swore after my parents died that I’d never attend another funeral.

It was a promise I kept, until today.

Hope was a stranger to me. I only got to see Ithe darkest parts of her. She was a troubled soul, losing herself to the trauma she suffered as she allowed her demons to tear her apart from the inside out. She wasn’t a perfect person…

But she was loved.

Hope was a stranger to me, but she was important to Lexi. She was her sister, her friend, someone to which she had an indescribable bond. Though it may have been stretched thin and shaky at times, a bond like that can never be broken, not even by death.

I never wanted to attend another funeral, but I’m here for Lexi.

I’m here to stand by her side while she pays her final respects and lays her sister to rest. I’m here to be the strength she needs to get through this day.

It doesn’t matter that I’m still battling with my own guilt over the situation. No matter what I do to try to convince myself that it’s not my fault, I struggle with the knowledge that my appearance in their lives caused the downward spiral that led to this. A soul gone from this world far too soon, leaving some incredible people behind.

My guilt is my own burden to bear, and I’ll keep it locked inside myself until I find a way to let it go. Lexi is dealing with enough of her own guilt, and I won’t add to the weight she’s currently carrying on her shoulders.

So I stand stoically, waiting at Lexi’s side for the service to begin. I hold her when she loses herself to her emotions, tears streaming down her face as people begin to show up at the cemetery. Lexi tells me the cause of her tears through ragged breaths. It seems she thought this would be a small, family affair, and she’s overwhelmed that so many people came out to pay their respects to Hope.

She’s wrong.

Numerous people arrive, but they’re not here for Hope.

They’re here for Lexi.

For her family.

Blossom is the first to arrive, among many.

Most are strangers to me, but a few other familiar faces appear in the crowd, like Gareth, Detective Mayson, and the guy from the bar, Maxim. I’m not surprised to see them since they were among the men who showed up to carry the casket. I offered to take one of the positions, but Lexi wanted me with her. She refuses to leave my side to greet anyone, but there will be time for that later.

The service, though short, is kind and thoughtful.

There’s not a dry eye in the cemetery when Lexi, Riley, Penny, and Mercy stand next to the casket in their matching black Converse, holding onto each other as it’s lowered into the earth.

Beneath the heartache and grief, it’s a beautiful moment.

One made more beautiful with the knowledge that inside the sleek ivory casket, Hope is wearing the same.

Few people know that small detail.

They kept it for themselves.

A testament to their unbreakable bond.

A symbol of their love for Hope.

Proof that despite their recent struggles and the conflicting emotions they feel about Hope’s passing, they’ll never forget the happy moments they shared.

Hope’s life may have ended in a tragedy of her own making, but she lives on through them.

***

Lexi held herself together through the funeral.

Even now, a couple of hours later with a house full of people, she’s still standing strong.

I’m so fucking proud of her, but I’m also worried.

I’ve been in her position before. It’s not easy being one of the people left behind. Having to listen to person after person saying they’re sorry for your loss. Useless platitudes. I never thought I could hate a simple phrase, but hearing “I’m sorry” again and again proved me wrong. It’s meant to be comforting, but it wears on you.

I’ve been giving Lexi space to grieve, but even from across the room, I’m keeping a close eye on her. She’s not someone I would ever call weak, but I know her strength today is a facade. At some point, Lexi is going to break and it’s not going to be pretty.

In the days following Hope’s death, I know Lexi has cried. She’s shed tears with her sisters several times, but I don’t think she’s truly grieved. She’s too busy battling with herself over the guilt she feels for what she believes is her part in what happened. It’s a feeling I’m all too familiar with.

Her grief will hit her when she least expects it, and I’ll never let her suffer through it alone. I’m ready and waiting for the moment she needs to escape, because she will.

“She won’t disappear if you take your eyes off her,” a masculine voice says from beside me.

I hear what he says, but I still don’t look away from Lexi. The guy chuckles, probably at the fact that I can’t be bothered to see who’s talking to me.

“I’ve seen that look before,” says a familiar voice. Though, it sounds a little different filled with mirth. “Boom!”

That word.

That single word forces me to tear my gaze from Lexi to look at the men standing next to me.

“Seems it really isn’t limited to Mayson men,” says the man I don’t recognize.

“Or the men who fall for the Mayson women,” adds the one I recognize as Detective Mayson.

“Boom…” I murmur, looking back and forth between the two guys. “What’s that mean? I’ve heard someone mention it before.”

Both men laugh, and I feel like I’m missing something important.

“The boom is what happens when you meet your match. It started with the Mayson men, but apparently it’s spreading.” The stranger holds out his hand. “Trevor Mayson.”

“Jake… Strickland.” I shake his hand, still trying to process his words.