“I don’t want to do this anymore,” Isobel whispers into the darkness, “I don’t want to be this anymore.”
It was the first night since we’d been back together that she’d insisted on sleeping with the lights off. She was tense in my arms, her fear of the dark obvious, but I never let her go.
“What?”
“This.” Is all she says.
“This is who we are.”
“But I don’t want it.”
She takes a sharp inhale of breath that shakes at the end. I move one hand up, finding her cheek wet with tears.
“What do you want?”
“More. I want more, Hunter. I want the same thing I wanted when I was fifteen, before any of this happened.”
“How do I give it to you?”
She sighs, “I don’t know.”
For a moment silence settles.
“It’s always going to be this. My past. What happened, the Syndicate, and my brother.”
“It’s just how it is, Snow,” I whisper, “Some people are born into darkness, like us.”
“But I wasn’t. Seeing Wren today, seeing Aurora, she has both worlds. Comfortable with what she has and in love with what she was given. I am neither.”
“You want children?”
“I’ve always wanted children, but I won’t have any,” she says with determination, “I won’t expose them to this. I didn’t choose it, and I won’t make that same mistake.”
Something twists hard inside my gut, a stabbing like pain. Her pain. It would never go away. We could make it light, make it disappear but it would never leave. Not unless we were dead.
“Snow,” I kiss her, “I’m sorry.”
She shakes her head, “It doesn’t matter.”
I let her drop it though I wouldn’t forget. Perhaps I had to adjust my plans, figure out a way of giving her what she needed as well as what she wanted.
She falls asleep against me, her tears still wetting her cheeks. I couldn’t have it, I wouldn’t.
We wake the following morning and Isobel goes about pretending that what she said last night didn’t happen. We eat breakfast and get dressed, heading over to the compound. I wasn’t sure if Wren and Alexander were staying there, I didn’t much care, but they were there when we arrived.
Isobel ignores the child. Even when she waddles over, arms outstretched looking for attention from her, Isobel ignores her, choosing to make coffee for the two of us instead.
All that light that was there before, it was gone.
My Isobel. My Snow. She was dying inside. She was withering.
Wren watches her, picking up on the same thing I was. She looks over to me, but I keep my face blank. It wasn’t my shit to share even if Wren could help.
Aurora wanders aimlessly around the kitchen, tugging on cupboards that had since been childproofed overnight. Ryker sits with Alexander and Kingston looking over the blueprints to the HQ I’d left with them the day before.
Isobel nudges a coffee into my hand. The child finds her.
She simply looks down and instantly dismisses her, walking out of the kitchen. Wren follows, leaving the kid at my feet.
“Up.” The girl pops the P on the word.
“Uh,” I glance up to find the three of them staring at me.
“Up!” The child demands angrily.
I lean down and lift the kid, holding her out at arm’s length. She was all rosy cheeked and smiles, these bright green eyes void of shadows and darkness. A child. A true innocent.
“Put her on your knee,” Kingston says.
“What?”
“On your knee, she’ll sit quite happily.”
“Don’t drop her,” Alexander says, “I doubt Wren will stop me from killing you if you do.”
I glance up to him, part of me thinks he hopes I do.
Doing as they say I bring the kid forward, perching her at the very tip of my knee, holding her there. She wiggles. The damn thing wiggles so fucking much I almost drop her, and I have to bring her closer to keep her stable. She grins, reaching out to grab a fistful of hair.
“I need someone to take her,” I say, “now.”
“But watching this is so much fun,” Ryker muses, chuckling.
With one tiny hand in my hair, she reaches forward with the other one, poking my face, pulling at the hair I’d let grow out around my mouth and pulling on my nose. The baby giggles the entire time. What the fuck was this? What the fuck was happening?
“You said she’d sit,” I growl.
Kingston laughs.
“She needs a feed,” Wren’s amused voice startles me, actually startles me. I was so focused on the kid I hadn’t realized she’d reentered the room. My eyes bounce up to where she leans on the door, holding a bottle. “It’s easy.”
“No.”
She thrusts the thing into my hand.
What the fuck was going on here!?
Aurora lunges for the bottle, the little baby devil throwing her weight abruptly and I have to react, reaching out to stop her from tumbling from my lap.
“Lay her back,” Wren advises, coming over to help, “and put the bottle to her mouth. She’ll take it.”
I try to push the kid back to her mother but instead, Wren helps position her until she’s laying in my arms, her head nestled in the crook of my elbow and then she guides the bottle to her mouth.
“Hold,” she orders.
I put my hand where hers was, keeping the bottle upright and at the kid’s mouth. Aurora greedily sucks it down.
“Give her a minute,” Wren says, “She’ll take the bottle herself, but the girl is lazy.”
I glance at her, pleading for her to take her daughter back but she doesn’t, instead choosing to walk away and sit next to her husband. The kid does as Wren says, eventually taking the bottle from me, her little fingers barely meeting around the middle as she sucks on it hungrily, drawing the milk. Her bright green eyes stare up at me.
“Relax,” Wren advises softly, “She won’t break.”
“She’s little, of course she’ll break,” I snap, startling the kid. “Sorry,” I wince, speaking to the baby. She smiles around the bottle in her mouth.
Isobel wanders back into the room, freezing when she sees the current situation. Wren grins and wiggles her eyebrows, but Isobel just stares and stares. I see the moment tears spring to her eyes, them becoming glassy.
“Snow,” I say quietly. She shakes her head, sucking in a breath and pushing down those emotions threatening to overwhelm her. She doesn’t come to me or the baby, instead she sits at the table with her brother, turning her head to look out the window. Kingston watches her, a concerned furrow to his brow.