“Hugh’s coming home?” Eleanor’s eyes brightened in excitement and then dimmed quite suddenly as her expression turned contemplative. “Yes… yes I think I would very much like to hold a dinner for them.”
Edwin raised his eyebrows at her. Speaking of being secretive. He knew Nell well enough to know that a statement like that indicated some kind of ulterior motivation. Knowing Nell, it wasn’t always a motivation that he would approve of. “Any particular reason why?”
The brilliant smile that she gave him didn’t fool him in the least. “Just looking forward to seeing Hugh again. And Irene of course. She and I didn’t have a chance to spend much time together so of course I’m looking forward to getting to know my new sister better.”
Studying her expression, he almost cracked a smile when she looked away, but he doubted whatever her secret motivation was that it was something which would affect him. Perhaps she and Irene had discussed some feminine ah… confidences before the honeymoon and Eleanor wanted to speak with her new sister-in-law again. Either way, Edwin was content. Eleanor would get her dinner party and he would see what she did with her second chance.
“I’ll write to Hugh and send it by courier with a selection of dates,”
he said, tapping his fingers along the arm of his chair before sitting up straight and reaching for a clean sheet of paper. He paused. “Don’t invite Lady Brooke this time, please.”
Although he didn’t look up he could feel Eleanor’s clear, crystal gaze on him. “Should I invite Lord Brooke?”
“As he’s a childhood friend of Irene’s and become a rather good friend of mine, I think that would be appropriate.”
His wife made a small noise that he couldn’t interpret and decided to ignore. Something about the way she was standing made him think that she wanted to say something snappish that was likely to get her in trouble and he didn’t particularly want to punish her today. Some days he was certainly more inclined to it than others, although he wouldn’t hesitate to dole out the necessary punishment if he deemed it necessary. Hopefully ignoring her would keep it from being so.
“I’ll want to invite Grace to the next one.”
“That’s fine,” he responded absently, already beginning the salutation to Hugh. If this dinner party went off well then he had no reason to deny Eleanor something so simple.
Eleanor muttered something that sounded like “if she’s still in London.” By which he supposed that her friend had indicated she might be leaving the city soon. It didn’t make a difference either way to Edwin.
“Thank you for letting me throw the dinner party,” she said, breaking through the silence with a loud, firm voice, demanding his attention. He glanced up to look her in the eye and found that she was staring at him with the queerest expression on her face. One that he hadn’t seen before. “I appreciate it.”
“I trust that you’ve learned your lesson from the time before,” he said with a little half-smile. “If you did not then I will not hesitate to ensure that it does not happen a third time.”
The way she shifted, obviously remembering both the pain and the accompanying passion, almost made him want to set aside the letter and begin something else entirely. But that would take quite a bit of time and he still had work to do; he’d taken a short break to read Hugh’s letter and once he was done responding he needed to get back to it.
“I have no wish to antagonize you again,” she said, sniffing as if affronted by the very idea.
“I’m glad to hear it.” Edwin returned his attention to the letter, congratulating Hugh on his marital bliss and his own anticipation of the happy couple’s return to the Season.
“I rather care for you, you know.”
“I do.”
There was something tense about Eleanor’s silence that caught Edwin’s attention again. He looked up. That strange expression was still on her face, as if she was waiting for him to say something more.
“I care for you too, Nell, you know that,” he said with the grin that he knew made the ladies flutter their fans. “Always have, ever since we were kids.”
“Of course,” she said, but her tone was neutral and he suddenly felt as if he was disappointing her again, but he didn’t know why or what she wanted from him. Somehow she seemed even more perturbed than usual by the lack of whatever it was she wanted to hear from him, but it’s not as if she ever gave him any damn clue. Eleanor shifted and looked away. “I’m going to go discuss dinner tonight with Cook.”
“Very well,” he said, lacking any other response. Eleanor swept out of the room almost as suddenly as she’d entered, taking quite a bit of the vitality and light from it with her. He felt as though something important had just happened but he didn’t know what or why he even felt that way.
One thing he knew for sure was that Eleanor had been looking for something in particular and he didn’t think he had provided it. He shook his head as he returned his attention to the letter. Women. Even the one he thought he knew best could baffle him on a regular basis. It was a sensation he was becoming accustomed to.
******
Stopping by one of the windows to stare out onto the street, Eleanor didn’t even have to try not to cry. Her insides felt numbed, like ice. It didn’t even hurt that Edwin obviously still saw her as a woman that he cared about because of his long relationship with her and not because he was in love with her. It couldn’t hurt because she couldn’t really feel anything at all. As if her heart was encased in cold, soothing ice. A barrier to keep out all the pain that she would otherwise be feeling.
It had been hard enough to tell him that she cared for him, to try and bare her feelings to him when she had no idea what his return would be, but he’d barely given her his attention much less reciprocated. Would it have really hurt him to take a moment or two to actually speak with her? To look at her as she spoke to him rather than dividing his attention between her and the letter to her brother? It wasn’t as if Hugh was even there to compete with her for Edwin’s attention, and yet he held it anyway.
Was she only important to Edwin as an extension of Hugh?
Hopelessness welled up in her only to slam against the wall of ice and melt away, but it was out there, just waiting to slam down on her. She could feel it, at a distance removed.
Her fingers splayed over her stomach. Her monthly courses were due, had been due for the past two days, and so far had not come. That was why she’d finally gotten up the courage to try and say something directly to Edwin, to try and spark a conversation about their feelings for one another. One which he’d basically brushed off. A sick feeling rose inside of her and she clung to the icy barricade which kept her safe.