Simon arrives with some old friends. Though they smile at me I can tell he’s told them about our situation. It’s in their eyes when they talk to me, the way their gazes wash down from my face to my dress, as if they’re judging me for wearing clothes he’s bought me.
Only when Elise enters do I realise the real source of my anxiety. Niall’s standing next to her, wearing a black dinner jacket and tie. When he catches my eye my mouth suddenly turns dry, and I have to take another glass of champagne. I turn my head away, trying not to stare at the way Niall holds himself, or how his dinner suit makes him look. But even when I’m not looking, I can still feel his stare.
“This looks magnificent, darling,” Simon whispers in my ear. His hand presses on the small of my back in a way that seems proprietorial. By this time I don’t know if I’m reading into things that aren’t there, or if he’s making a point. My judgement seems so off.
“Thank you,” I murmur. “It all came together in the end, thank God.”
Why didn’t I think about this before? The fact I was going to be in one room with these two men. Though they could both be classified as exes, my entanglements with them don’t feel like that. It just feels awkward and cruel—to them, to me, to everybody. No wonder I’ve been so anxious; my subconscious must have been having a field day.
It’s almost a relief when the chair of the clinic trust arrives and pulls me aside to discuss her speech. I switch back into work mode and discuss the agenda for the evening, highlighting our biggest donors and talking through the auction catalogue with her. The night gets even better when I run into Alex, propping up the bar. He’s rocking a midnight-blue skinny tuxedo with a pencil-thin tie. His hair is slicked back with gel, his tattoos peeking past the collar and cuffs of his shirt.
Lara is to his left, talking to one of our more prestigious donors. She waves at me, then turns and gives a tinkling laugh. We’re all on our best behaviour tonight.
“Hello, gorgeous.” Alex pulls me in for a hug and I squeeze him back enthusiastically.
“You look amazing.” I tug at his satin lapel. “Where did you find this?”
“It was my uncle’s. I’m the only nephew thin enough to fit in it.”
“Never put on any weight,” I tell him. “This one’s a keeper.”
“How are you doing anyway? Lara told me about you and Simon.”
She mouths a “sorry” and then turns away. I stifle a smile. She’s so nosy sometimes.
“Bearing up.” I’m offered another glass of champagne but shake my head at the waiter. I’m already buzzing. “It’s better now we’ve agreed to separate.”
Of course we both choose that moment to glance over at Simon, who’s still with his group of friends. He’s looking over at us, and for some reason the lack of expression on his face makes me want to shiver.
“When are you moving out?” Alex asks.
I can almost see Lara’s ears flapping.
“I haven’t had a chance to find anywhere yet. I’ve been too caught up with the gala arrangements. I’m going to start looking on Monday.”
“Oh.”
“What?”
Alex shrugs. “I dunno. It just sends out a weird message to a guy. I’m leaving you but I’m still living with you.”
Lara kicks his shin with her red patent shoe.
“Simon’s fine with it. He knows why it’s taking me so long. Hopefully it won’t take forever for me to find somewhere. I’ll be out of his hair soon.”
“Of course he’s fine with it.” Alex laughs. “If he doesn’t want you to leave.”
“What do you mean?”
Lara gives up on her conversation and joins us. “Yeah, what do you mean?”
“For all his money, Simon’s still a bloke and we’re fairly simple creatures. You want to leave, you leave. You want to stay, you stay.”
“You think he’s happy because I’m still living with him?” The thought hadn’t occurred to me.
“Of course he isn’t,” Lara says.
“All I’m saying is if he wants you to stay, then a bird in the hand is worth two in the bush. Maybe he has a false sense of hope.” Alex shrugs, and drinks his beer.