We drive through the London rush hour in silence. Callum hasn't touched me since we left the office, nor have I touched him. I'm sitting on my hands to prove it.
We head to my brother's flat; I'm too wary to go home, knowing Digger is looking for me. At least he doesn't seem to know about Alex, and right now I need to feel safe.
Safe from what, I'm not sure.
It isn't until we crawl into Shoreditch that Callum finally speaks. “Security are looking at the CCTV recordings to see if they can spot him. They'll want to take a statement from you on Monday.” So that's what he was doing when he went back into his office. “I'll go and see HR on Monday, too.”
I turn in my seat. “HR? Why?”
He swallows, his eyes still fixed on the road ahead. We stop at some temporary traffic lights, and the oncoming cars filter towards us. “I shouldn't have taken advantage of you like that. I need to go and tell them.”
My chest feels as though it’s gripped by an ice-cold hand. “Tell them what?”
“That I kissed you.”
My voice sounds strangled. “It wasn't like that. You don't need to say anything.”
He glances at me. “I'm your boss, Amy. You came to me for help and I...” He breaks off, running an agitated hand through his hair, “I kissed you. I'm pretty sure that's against the rules.”
“It is, but I think you'll find I kissed you, too. And if it comes to a choice between a well-established senior partner and an intern who's been with the company for a few weeks, I'm pretty sure I know who they'll be throwing out.”
“I won't let them get rid of you.”
“That's easy to say. But even if they don't get rid of me I'll be known as the girl who kissed her boss. Everybody will look at me differently. I don't want people to look down on me. It's already hard enough as it is being from the East End, and not going to Oxford or Cambridge. There's no need to make it harder.”
“I've fucked everything up, haven't I?” The lights change to green and he slides the stick into gear, pressing his foot down on the gas. “I'm sorry.”
“It's not your fault.”
We're quiet again until we reach the street where Alex and Lara live. Callum finds a parking space about fifty yards away, reversing his car into it with practiced ease. I unclasp my seatbelt and reach down for my bag, barely able to bring myself to look at him.
“Thanks for the lift.”
He walks around the car, opening my door to let me out. He doesn't take my hand or meet my gaze, but somehow that makes me feel better.
“I'll walk you to the flat.”
“There's no need,” I say. “The street is empty, I'll be fine.”
He walks with me anyway, his body half a foot away. I'm hyper-aware of his warmth, his muscles, and for some reason I want to shiver. Instead I keep my back as stiff as I can, not willing to show how he affects me.
“This is me,” I say, inclining my head to Alex's building. I press the buzzer by the front door, waiting for a response. I want Callum to leave, there's no way I can cope with him meeting Alex. My brother can read me like a bloody book. The last thing I need is for him to see me mooning about my boss.
Lara answers and I speak into the microphone. The door clicks open and I reach for the handle, putting my weight onto the wooden frame. “Thank you for the lift.”
I don't wait for Callum’s reply, stepping inside the lobby and pulling the door closed behind me. It's rude and goes against the grain, but I can’t deal with him walking in with me. He stands on the porch for a moment, visible through the frosted glass pane, before turning and retreating down the path, back to his car.
Sighing, I lean my head on the cool, painted wall, tightly squeezing my eyes shut. My mind is full of pounding thoughts and regrets, accusations and recriminations.
I've done stupid things before, but today I've reached new heights. There doesn’t seem to be a way to make things right.
13
“Did Digger say anything to you?” Alex is agitated, stalking up and down the living room like a caged animal, barking out questions. “Did he touch you?”
I shake my head. “He didn't get a chance. I told you, Alex. I ran before he could get close.”
Lara is watching both of us, Max sitting on her lap. Her mouth is twisted into a worried frown.