Broken Chords (Love in London 2)

I call the nursery twice, which is a huge victory for self-restraint. Both times I'm reassured he's happy, thriving, and I try to ignore the mean thoughts that tell me he's much happier because I'm not there.

I once asked Alex how he felt, leaving Max every day when he went to work. He stared at me quizzically and shrugged as if it was a stupid question. He doesn't second guess himself the way I do, at least not about Max. I wonder if this guilt is gender-specific.

Or perhaps it's only me.

My last client leaves at 4:30 p.m., and I walk him to the door, showing him out. I have thirty minutes left to type up my case notes before I need to pick up Max. Way too short a time. I'm only onto the second case when there's a knock on the door. Fingertips against the wood. Soft. Hesitant.

“Come in.” I'm never going to get this write-up done. Our data protection policy means I can't do it at home either. Somehow I'm going to have to fit it in first thing in the morning. I scowl at my laptop, wanting to throw it across the room.

“Hey, stranger.”

The biggest smile pulls at my lips. I'm out of my chair, running across the room. What the hell is Beth doing here?

“Oh, my God! I thought you were in Brighton. You never said anything this morning.” I'm hugging her and we’re both laughing like sisters who haven't seen each other in years.

“I was. But I heard your voice and I had to come and see you. Don't worry, Niall agreed to pick up Allegra.”

“I can't believe you did this for me.” I'm so happy I want to scream. “You're the sweetest friend.”

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“After everything you did for me? I was on that train faster than you can say 'Day return to London, please.' Now I'm going to sit in the corner while you finish up here and then we can go and pick up your beautiful boy.”

Instead I decide to log off right away. Today's sessions were pretty standard, and I have the scribbles I made on my notepad. Silently I promise myself that tomorrow I will be more conscientious.

“How long are you here for?”

“I have to catch the last train home. Niall has a meeting tomorrow, so I need to do the school run.” She notices my glum face. “Don't worry though, the last train doesn't leave Victoria Station until one.”

It's like getting a gift when it isn't my birthday. I lock the laptop in my drawer and slide the key in my purse, and the two of us leave my office.

Beth slides her arm through mine when we walk down the corridor. “God, it feels weird to be back. Almost as if I've never been away. I popped in on the after school club and didn't recognize any of the kids.”

Beth used to love running the club when she worked here. To say she had a close relationship with the children is an understatement.

“They're all growing up. Some of them too fast.” I wince, thinking of the last time I saw Cameron Gibb. His face smashed in after some gang deal gone wrong. It's not something I want to tell Beth about, though. One of the reasons she moved to Brighton after she fostered Allegra—the orphaned child of an addict—was to get away from these tragedies.

“Do you ever miss being here?” I ask. I'm genuinely interested. Beth was as committed to the clinic as I am, before her circumstances changed.

“I'm not really sure.” She laughs. “I wouldn't change a thing, because I love where I am now. Things are great with Niall, and Allegra is settling in so nicely. Plus we've had the heads up that the adoption could be going through soon. But I do feel nostalgic when I come here, as if I'd like to turn back the clock for one day and say hello to everybody again.” She takes my hand and squeezes it tight. “Of course I miss the hell out of you.”

We say goodbye to the rest of the staff, and make the short walk to Rainbow Nursery, both of us chatting up a storm. I marvel at how different I feel to this morning, when I made the same walk but in the opposite direction. A few hours ago I was crying down the phone to my best friend, and now here she is in person.

When we get to the nursery, she lingers on the steps. “You go in, I'll wait out here.”

“Why? Max will be so pleased to see you.”

She shrugs. “It'd be like intruding on a lover's reunion. I can't do it. Seriously, go in there and make his day. I'll have a cuddle with him as soon as you're outside.”

I'm so excited to see him I almost run inside. The receptionist calls after me when I rush straight past her, asking me to fill in a couple of forms. Then I'm there, walking into the brightly-coloured baby room, my face one huge smile. That familiar ache tugs at my heart. The need to see him, to hold him.

“Look who's here, Max.” Holly takes his arm and makes him give a little wave. “Say, 'Hello, Mummy'.”

Of course, he says nothing of the sort, but he's sporting a huge grin and babbling like crazy, his arms reaching out for me as he squirms against Holly. Then I'm holding him, burying my face against his head, breathing in his warm, baby scent. I get a rush from it, feeling giddy and high. When he grabs me with his chubby hands it feels as though all is right with the world.

It's amazing how quickly things can change. In the space of a few hours I've gone from crazed and harassed to happy and blissful; thanks in no small measure to the surprise appearance of my best friend.

When we walk out into the sunshine, Max seems as happy as I am. I can see his little legs kicking as I push his buggy down the slope they've built beside the front steps. Then Beth launches herself at him, tickling his belly, and he giggles so much I'm scared he's going to be sick.