Jamison
We were in a Dairy Queen parking lot, sitting on the hood of his truck, totally surrounded by high schoolers. They were on the curb, in the restaurant, in their parked cars. They were literally everywhere. When we pulled into the parking lot, he parked as far away from them as possible, but they seemed to be multiplying.
I pulled a thick sip of my milkshake through the straw and then asked, “Did sixteen-year-old virgin Cody bring his dates here?”
He raised his eyebrows sarcastically. “Nope. These are the good kids.”
“So, you were a bad boy?”
“Like you didn’t know that.” He popped his red spoon into his mouth. He got a blizzard with Oreo cookies and it looked better than mine. I wanted it.
“So, where did you spend Saturday nights?”
“You mean besides my naked quarry romps?” he teased, scraping his spoon along the Styrofoam so it squeaked as it gathered every last drop of ice cream.
I took his lighthearted ribbing in stride. “Yes, other than quarry-romping.”
He shrugged. “Here and there. Rodeo competitions, parties in people’s fields and barns. Unethical bonfires. Drag racing, mudding. Cow tipping. Stupid shit.”
I took his cup from him and handed him mine. He didn’t argue, just took a sip.
“You still doing stupid shit?” I asked.
He shook his head. “I mean, I guess we’d have to genuinely define what qualifies as stupid shit, but I’m not doing any of that anymore. I work a lot. I worry about my dad, make sure he’s happy. I watch my niece.”
“Your niece?”
“Kat and Bill’s daughter, Molly.” He wasn’t looking at me, but I could see the smile from the side as he said her name. He was so real, so solid, that sometimes I forgot he was related to two mega rock stars. He continued. “She’s gonna be four soon. She spends a lot of time at the house with me, Dad, and Wyatt. Sometimes Kat has to travel and other times we just want her.” He paused and then turned to look at me. “You should bring Flynn by. I bet she’d like him.” He laughed to himself a little. “It’s most likely that she’ll treat him like a doll. She’s a bossy little thing, but I bet he could hold his own.”
“He could.” I grinned, and our eyes locked. Flynn had a cousin. She must have been born before I was pregnant or before I knew I was pregnant. I never really thought about what the size of Cody’s family would mean to Flynn. There were so many people who would love him. Part of me was terrified by that, afraid that I’d get lost in the sea of all that love, but the smarter part of me knew that you could never have too much love. “Do you have other nieces and nephews?” I asked.
He took another sip of my milkshake. “Not yet, but soon. Kat is pregnant.” Serious, he turned back to me again. “Do not tell anyone that. It’s not public knowledge yet.”
He didn’t have to worry. “No worries,” I said, wholeheartedly. “I know what it’s like when the media’s watching.”
“Right, Texas royalty.” He paused. “How did that go… with the whole baby out of wedlock bit?”
I sighed. “It was mostly covered by the local news and society rags. My parents were pissed but it could’ve been worse. There was a lot of speculation about my baby daddy, but…” I trailed off, not wanting to talk about my baby daddy because Cody was my baby daddy. Shit.
“But…”
“But nothing. I didn’t talk and no one had anything to go on.”
Tension riddled my shoulders. I took a bite of his blizzard and quietly prayed he didn’t ask any more questions. There were so many details that might make him realize that Flynn was his son. Flynn’s age for one. If he didn’t ask, I wouldn’t offer just yet, but if he asked, I wasn’t going to lie again.
“Maggie seems nice,” he said.
“Maggie is the best. She’s the only truly good thing my parents have ever done for me.”
“They pay for her?”
“They pay for everything,” I said. “I’m like Lorelai in the Gilmore Girls, only worse. They take care of us, and in return, I grant them access to Flynn.”
“That sounds kind of rough.”
I shrugged. “It’s mixed. They are better grandparents than parents. They love Flynn. And I think because they are not in charge of raising him, they get to enjoy him.”
“What about you, James? Are they kind to you?” He was controlling it but I could hear the anger hiding in his voice.
I wasn’t going to cry. I looked out ahead of us at the carefree silliness of teenagers on a Saturday night. The girls were wearing makeup with their jeans and t-shirts. There was squealing and canoodling, selfies and singing. Teenagers are this weird conflation of potential and recklessness that you can’t help but lose as you get older. On a deep exhale, I said, “I have everything. A beautiful home, a car, food in my fridge, Maggie to help, access to private jets, funds for Flynn’s education, and family vacations. Sure, in some ways I’m a pampered prisoner, but my son will have everything and he is loved.”
Cody put his hand on my thigh. “It’s not enough.”
I shrugged. “Has to be.”
He didn’t say anything else.
After an extra-long beat, he changed the subject. “What are you doing tomorrow?”
I shook my head. “Nothing.”
“Let’s go riding,” he suggested. “I can show you our ranch.”
I wanted to go but I wasn’t sure it was the right thing to do. I wasn’t really trying to date my son’s baby daddy. Also, since he was born, I’d hardly left Flynn’s side, and certainly not two days in a row. So I went with that. “I need to be with Flynn.”
“I know.”
He did?
“I meant let’s all go riding. You, me, and Flynn. Maggie can even come if you want. We can all ride, and then Flynn can meet Molly.”
I tried again to bow out. “I haven’t been on a horse in a long time and Flynn’s too little, isn’t he?”
Cody puffed out his chest. “Hell, no. I was on a horse at his age. The boy can climb up on a counter by himself for heaven’s sake. I’m sure he can ride a horse, and I’ll be with him. He won’t ride alone.”
I couldn’t help myself, I wanted to see that. Flynn safely encircled in Cody’s arms, learning to be a cowboy. If Cody hated me when this was all over, at least I’d have the mental picture of what it would have been like for him to embrace being Flynn’s dad.
* * *