Cody
When James and Flynn arrived, I was in the barn double-checking the tack on the horses. I’d chosen Trigger, my horse, and Teacup, Kat’s horse. Teacup was sometimes a handful. She liked to go in circles if my brothers or I tried to ride her, but I’d noticed that she loved to work with female riders. She loved Sarah, Kat, and Molly and was a docile buttery beauty all day long for a woman, so I chose her for James with my fingers crossed. Trigger was a solid, strong horse, always had been, but beyond that, he and I were friends. I knew for sure that Flynn would be safe with me on Trigger.
I only tacked up two horses because James had texted me earlier in the day to say Maggie wasn’t coming. Apparently, she was happy to have the afternoon to herself and planned on lying in the sun on the back patio of that ridiculous lodge house James rented on Moose River. Don’t get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with a big, beautiful house. But for some reason, it irked me when some schmancy builder came in and on a beautiful piece of property built a mansion that looked like a cartoon log cabin.
As if Moose River—ten minutes from downtown Conway—was a wilderness oasis, frequented by wild beasts and Davy Crockett-esque fur trappers. Moose River was good fishing, swimming, and tubing, but it wasn’t a place where a man would need to build a log cabin. And also, if you needed to build a log cabin, it would be a few rooms at most. That said, for a couple of women and a baby on a vacation, it was definitely more beautiful, more down-home and more remote than some all-inclusive resort, so no judgment. Well, a lot of judgment, but none directed at James.
Anyway, I was in the barn when I heard the crunch of the SUV’s tires outside. I’d told James she could drive right on out to the barn. Not one hundred percent sure how Flynn would react to the horses, I left them inside, tied to the hitching post by the barn door. As I walked out, I watched James place Flynn onto the grass beside the car. He was a handsome kid. She’d dressed him up like a little cowboy—jeans, boots, and a tiny cream-colored hat. James was also dressed the part—jeans, boots, a brown leather belt, a white V-neck t-shirt, and in her hand, she held a black hat. Once she shut the door, Flynn reached for her and they walked toward me together, the sunlight catching her blond head and gleaming behind them. It framed them like a postcard.
For the first time in my life as I watched them stroll toward me, I wanted my own family. I wanted a woman to love me and a child to look up to me. I wanted to laugh at my kid saying the darndest things and look across the room and smile at the woman I made him with. I wanted all the joys having my own family would bring, but I couldn’t see a way to have all that without constant worry. How would I sleep at night knowing that I could lose the woman I loved at any minute, or worse, that I could get hurt or sick and leave her to manage life without me? And what if I did have kids? How could I bear what it would mean to them to possibly lose one of us? Nope, it wasn’t in the cards for me. But maybe, just for these few days, I could love this woman and her son like they were mine.
James smiled and gave me a little wave and then tipped her face to Flynn who was excitedly talking and pointing. “Look, Mommy, a red barn. Where is the farmer?” He looked around. Then he continued. “Do they have animals here? Like cows or pigs or chickens? Farmers and barns come with cows, pigs, and chickens.”
His voice was little and not all the words came out perfectly, but he was smart, advanced for his age. My family’s obsession with Molly meant that we were constantly discussing developmental milestones around the dinner table. I wasn’t exactly sure how old Flynn was but based on how long it had been since I’d seen James, he couldn’t be three yet, and just from that handful of words, I could tell that he knew his colors, had a diverse vocabulary, and was easily stringing sentences together.
As they got closer, I crouched down to his level. “Sorry, no pigs or chickens right now, bud. But we’ve got horses.”
Flynn looked at me inquisitively. “You are not a farmer.”
“Nope.” I shook my head dramatically.
“You’re stranger Cody.”
I laughed.
“You can just call him Cody, Flynn. He’s our friend,” James said.
Flynn looked up to James and then whispered, “Is he a cowboy, like me?”
I tipped my hat to Flynn. “Cowboy Cody at your service, little man.”
“I’m not a real cowboy. I’m make-believe. Are you a real one?”
I nodded.
“Do cowboys have cows?”
“We do,” I affirmed.
“Cows say moo,” Flynn said brightly, pleased with himself.
“They do.” I looked up at James and lifted my eyebrows. “You’re awfully smart for such a little guy.”
“My mama is smart. Maggie is smart too. Clover is not smart. She eats her poops.”
James laughed. “Clover is our dog.”
Flynn continued. “Clover is a king dog.”
“A king dog, really?” I asked, looking to James for some clarification.
Flynn, very serious and matter-of-fact said, “Yes, a king Charlie big deer.”
James mouthed, “A King Charles Cavalier.”
“Ahhh. A king Charlie big deer, of course.”
“He’s brown and white with a black nose.”
“Do you like animals, Flynn?”
He nodded.
“You wanna meet a horse?” I stood and reached my hand out and he took it, his little fingers gripping my bigger ones. We walked around the side of the barn and approached the barn door, where Trigger and Teacup were waiting. Flynn stopped moving.
I crouched down again. “You okay, Flynn?”
“Big,” was all he said.
“The horses?” I asked.
He nodded.
“And gentle,” I said. “Why don’t I pick you up, and then you’ll be big too?” We both glanced at James for confirmation that it was safe for me to pick up Flynn. She gave a quick nod. I stayed on her face for an extra beat, noting that she looked a little emotional, like her eyes were glassy. I thought about how hard it must be to raise a little boy on your own. How even though she was smart enough and strong enough to be a single mom, she must wish sometimes that she had a partner to do it with. Kids are a handful. For the first time since I saw her, I wondered if I was making a mess for her, making her situation harder by playing love with her while she was on vacation.
I quickly shifted my attention back to Flynn when he reached out his arms and said, “Make me big.”
For security, Flynn wrapped his little arms around my neck as I picked him up. There was something so genuine about the way that children take to adults, how they naturally show affection. I knew the feeling of a child in my arms from Molly, but she kinda had to like me because I was her uncle. For Flynn, I was someone new and he was so open to accepting me as someone safe, someone he could trust. It made me feel needed and adored. And he was right, I was someone safe, someone he could trust. Once I had him up and off the ground, he adjusted a bit so that he was more on my hip and could twist to see the horses.
“Hi, horsies!” he hollered, waving. “I’m Flynn.” He pointed to James. “And this is my mommy.” He pointed to me. “And this is Cowboy Cody.”
“He always introduces everyone,” James said, smiling.
I pointed to each horse. “That’s Trigger and that’s Teacup. You wanna ride one with me? We could go see the cows?”
“Yes!” He whipped around to James. “Can we? Can we?” He bounced with excitement in my arms.
“Well, cowboys ride horses,” she said. “Are you a cowboy?”
Like a full-grown man, James’ little boy puffed out his chest and said, “I am.”
Damn, he was adorable.