Jamison
After a long while, Maggie convinced me to get up off the porch and go inside. I kept hoping the lights of his truck would barrel back up the road, but they didn’t. So, I let her walk me back to the bed where Cody and I made love. She tucked me in just like she did Flynn. And then I thought she would leave. But she didn’t. Instead, she got into the bed with me and wrapped her arms around me like a mother does a child.
She said, “I’m so sorry, Jamie.”
I couldn’t stop crying. I couldn’t even begin to imagine what would happen next. Earlier in the evening, standing with his family, I had considered that maybe I should move to Conway. I wasn’t thinking about me and Cody. I was thinking about Flynn. I was thinking that he should grow up with Molly and that he should get to spend time with Duke. But now, how could I put myself in Cody’s face all the time. It wouldn’t be fair to him. Flynn would have to live here sometimes and with me sometimes. That’s what was right.
“Flynn’s going to have to stay here sometimes.” I wept at Maggie.
“I know.” I thought she was crying too.
“He’s a good man, Maggie.”
“I know he is,” she confirmed, her voice low and so sad.
“He loves Flynn,” I choked out, the tears rushing down my face.
“He loves you too,” Maggie argued.
I shook my head. “Don’t. I can’t…” I trailed off. The pain in my chest was too much. I’d lost him. And there was nothing I could do about it.
“Maybe...” Maggie started.
I stopped her again. “Don’t, please. It’s over. Flynn has his daddy. That’s what’s important.”
She tightened her arms around me. “I love you. Your heart is gigantic and you're my best friend. You’re funny and amazing and strong and cool, not to mention gorgeous, and I know your parents pay me but it doesn’t matter. I don’t stay with you and Flynn because they do. I stay because we’re friends and I’ll be here. Okay?”
I didn’t say anything so she clarified, “I’ll be with you even if Flynn is with Cody, okay? Even if they don’t pay me.”
“You don’t…”
She cut me off. “Dude, we’re besties and we have a big house and a Range Rover and access to a jet. I’ll be fine.”
Still crying, I half-smiled.
Never one to be squelched, she said, “And just so you know. I think Cody’ll be here too.”
* * *
I must have fallenasleep because I awoke to loud man-banging. The kind of thomp, thomp, thomp at the door that screams the police or a caveman with an issue that must be resolved immediately. I sat up in fright, not even vaguely considering the idea that Cody could have been making that racket. Maggie sat up next to me. The pain of losing him was like a shredded wound, like I’d been clawed from the inside out. And if it weren’t for Flynn upstairs, I might have welcomed the fear the sound brought. And then through the fog of my own sadness, I heard Cody hollering, “James! Open the goddamn door.”
I turned to look at Maggie, my eyes wide. She smiled. “See,” she whispered like he could hear her. “I knew he’d come back.”
Frozen in fear, I asked, “What should I do?”
Maggie laughed. “Go open the door.”
“But what if he’s just mad? He sounds mad.”
Astutely, Maggie said, “He was mad. He didn’t come back in the middle of the night to be mad some more.” She pushed me toward the edge of the bed. “Go.”
I stood, still wearing only his t-shirt, and made my way to the front door. He was still pounding, still hollering, “James!”
I turned the lock and he grew quiet. I pulled open the door.
He stood there looking at me. I couldn’t look pretty. I was probably splotchy, red, and swollen from crying. And anxious… so anxious.
“Cody?” I questioned, my voice small and wobbly.
“Ah, Christ.” He ran his hand through his hair. And then in a fury, like if he didn’t say it fast enough, he wouldn't be able to say it at all, he said, “I’m glad he’s my son. I’m so fucking glad. He’s amazing. You did a great job.”
The tears started to roll again. He was so good. He wanted me to know that he appreciated how I cared for his son, even though he couldn’t be with me.
“Shit. I’m fucking this up.”
I shook my head. I wiped my eyes and tried to regain my composure when I said, “No, thank you. It’s kind of you.”
“Nope, I’m definitely fucking it up.” He stepped toward me. “James, he’s pretty great and I adore him, but also, I’m glad he’s my son because he’s your son.”
What was he saying? What did that mean?
He kept getting closer. “James Hildebrand, I love you. I love you here. I love you there. I love you fucking everywhere. I love you with every breath. I think I’ll love you even in death.”
A smile broke out all over my face.
“You do?” I said, sounding awfully blubbery.
“So much.”
And then he kissed me.
Behind me, through the haze of my joy, I heard a sappy Maggie say, “Oh, yay!”
He loved me. Cody Morgan—father of my son, owner of my heart—loved me.