She blinked and looked away. “You have a gym here?” she asked, changing the subject.
“In the basement. You’re welcome to use it,” I told her, wandering into the kitchen and pulling up a chair at the breakfast bar.
She plated up her odd-smelling cooking. “Maybe. I’m so sick of cardio. I need a break. Before the pageant, I worked out like crazy for a while and it became so tedious.”
“Have you tried martial arts or boxing? That’s not tedious at all,” I told her, reaching for the glass of water she had set down in front of me.
“Me? Fighting? I don’t have the build for it,” she said with a self-conscious laugh.
“It’s not about build,” I told her, watching as she put a plate before me. “Aren’t you eating?”
“I don’t eat breakfast,” she said airily. “You were saying?”
I picked up my fork and speared some eggs. “Boxing, or martial arts, aren’t just about build. They’re about feeling strong. Powerful. It’s about releasing your emotions… There’s something ancient and primal about hitting something with all your strength and being hit back that feels good. We’ve forgotten it as society has become more civilized, but human beings… are animals at the end of the day. It feels good to act like one, now and again.”
The eggs were–something. Something I’d never tasted before.
Bella narrowed her eyes at me as I took the first mouthful. “Animals? Wow, your entire loan shark persona is making more sense,” she said before nodding toward the plate. “Is it okay?” she wondered.
I wasn’t sure if she was fucking with me. Deliberately making something borderline inedible out of protest. “Is it supposed to be?”
Confusion tinted her dark eyes, and her brow scrunched up.
“It’s fine. Thanks for making it.”
I was rewarded with relief smoothing across her brow, and she smiled. “I’m not the best cook, so I wasn’t sure if I could do it, but maybe I’m better than I thought.”
I didn’t have the heart to ruin her satisfied grin, so I merely nodded. “Maybe. And while we’re on the topic, I’m not a loan shark. I lend money to people who I believe are worth the investment. I’m a private investor with the capital to change people’s lives.”
“As long as they pay you back on time,” she pushed.
I couldn’t help but chuckle at her accusing tone. “Princess, do you know how loans work? Would you accuse a bank of being an evil loan shark for demanding repayment?”
“A bank wouldn’t physically hurt someone for not paying,” she said.
I shoveled down more unpleasant eggs. “Okay, you have me there. A bank wouldn’t hurt someone. They’d just take you to court, take your house, bookstore, car… whatever they could to recover the debt. They certainly wouldn’t let Alfie’s beautiful little daughter come and work it off,” I told her.
Her mouth snapped shut and she looked conflicted. “Beautiful?”
“You are a crowned beauty queen, are you not?” I asked, feeling exposed by her stare.
It wouldn’t do to show Bella how much I wanted her, not yet. It was too soon. I was too unknown, too dangerous, too old and jaded. She was like a ray of sunshine, pure and unspoiled. If she knew what I wanted from her, how I wanted to own her, keep her, and make sure she was mine forever, she’d never stay, and I’d have no recourse. I could hardly beat up her father when I was obsessed with his daughter. I wanted her to be happy. I wouldn’t hurt her, not in any way.
“I guess. It doesn’t feel like I thought it would,” she said, turning to stare out the window at the garden. The early morning sun filtered through the trees, casting light on her face.
“How did you think it would feel?”
“I thought it would feel good. I thought I’d feel more beautiful… like my mom,” she confessed quietly.
I gripped my fork and let the silence play out for a moment. I had a feeling that Bella was sharing a quiet, seldom seen part of herself, and I treasured it. “How do you know she felt beautiful? Maybe she felt just like you.”
“I don’t know. Maybe she did… I can’t know for sure,” Bella said.
“Ask Alfie,” I suggested.
She shook her head. “No, I could never. The question would upset him.”
Ah, I got it. Her widower father had spent his only daughter’s life telling her all the wonderful things about her mother and set an impossible ideal to live up to. “Upset isn’t so bad. Sometimes people upset each other. No big deal,” I told her as I ate my last bite of eggs, thankful the meal was over.
She laughed and turned around, folding her arms across her chest. “Why am I not surprised you don’t mind upsetting people? That’s alright for you, but I don’t upset my father. Ever.” Her words were delivered with such finality I knew that she truly believed them and tried to live to that standard.
“That sounds utterly exhausting… and lonely,” I told her, getting up and going to the sink to refill my glass of water.
She watched me, her eyes on my left hand, free of a glove since I couldn’t wear one while boxing. In all honesty, I rarely wore one at home, alone, or with Samuel. Only when I went out. I didn’t like the stares and whispers when I went bare-handed in public.
Bella’s eyes lingered on the ruined skin of my left hand like melted wax. It was ugly, I knew it, but I was surprised not to see a flare of horror in her eyes.
She frowned slightly, but then her eyes went back to mine. “What would you know about it?” There was wonder and a hint of challenge in her tone.
I shrugged. “More than you, princess. I have to get to work. I have a zoom call at nine.”
I pulled myself away with an effort. I wanted to stay and tangle with Bella all day. I wanted her eyes on me, her attention. I wanted to hear her voice. But there was work to be done, and truthfully, too long in her beguiling presence threatened to unravel me. I was a man obsessed, and I could only take so much before losing my head.