*** Amber ***
I can’t feel Lizzie anymore. She has been whimpering but now she is silent, I can’t feel her presence within me, and I am scared. I need Preston back. I need to see him, not his wolf. I need to tell him everything that I feel for him. I have never told him how much he means to me because I thought if I didn’t acknowledge it, it would hurt less when he left.
For the longest time, I thought that him leaving was inevitable. The mate bond did not keep my mother here, why would it keep Preston here, tethered to me, the girl no-one had stuck around for? Except he has, despite the fact that I am a fucked-up mess, despite the fact that I hurt him and failed to give him anything, he stayed until I pushed him so far away it was threatening to destroy him.
I have never allowed him in, never allowed him to get too comfortable. I have never even told him how much I love him. I am such an idiot, because I do love him. I have loved him for the longest time, but my fear forced me to hide it from myself and therefore from him too.
I love Preston! I love him and I want to be with him. Him possibly leaving cannot hurt more than him being within my reach but denying us both in case it hurts. This hurts, this enforced separation, I am hurting myself and more disgracefully I am hurting the man intended for me, my fated mate from the Moon Goddess.
I need to tell him how I feel and see if he will forgive me and take me back and give our relationship a proper try. He needs to know that I need him and want him back. I hope I am not too late.
Though I try to formulate a plan, I can't think straight. I need Lizzie. I need her strength and her level headedness; she balances me out completely. Even more than that, I need to apologise to her for preventing her being with her mate too. She has pined for Zack and has begged me repeatedly to let him mark her. I have hurt everyone in the stupid process of trying to not get hurt.
Lizzie, please, if you can hear me, I need you. I have to get Preston and Zack back, I need your help Lizzie, I can’t do this without you. The silence lasts a long time but eventually Lizzie rouses.
I will help you if you promise to let me and Zack mark each other. I love him and want to be his, Amber; I want my mate. It will make us better and stronger; you need to stop being weak and hurting yourself and everyone around you. Tears of guilt fill my eyes. When did I become so hateful and obnoxious? I wasn’t always this nasty and unfeeling. Lizzie is right: I have been running scared and it made me act like a weakling.
I am so, so sorry, Lizzie. I promise, if I can get Preston and Zack to forgive me, we can have their marks and we will give them our marks too.I don’t care what it takes, I just need to get him back. I need to show him all the love I have kept hidden away, too scared to show him.
He is perfect, my fated mate. He is attentive and patient and loving and giving. He is beautiful, and I love him, and I need him and want him.
Full of purpose, I go and search for my brother. I need his help too. I am going to ask for an official mating ceremony to show Preston how much I want to be with him, how much I need us to be together, united as one just like the Moon Goddess intended.
“Aidy… Aiden? Where are you? Aiden, I need your help.”
I call out for him but he isn’t in our apartment or in his office. Finally, I locate Delta Billy in the dining room.
“Billy, where is Aiden? I need to talk to him.” Billy has just loaded up his mouth with meatballs and mashed potatoes, so I wait petulantly for him to finish.
“He is visiting his mate. Preston mindlinked about half an hour ago to say he was going back to take over the watch so Alpha can come back here. He shouldn’t be too long.”
I hardly wait for him to finish his sentence; in the next second I am rushing back up to our apartment and starting to pull out clothes suitable for a mating ceremony. I also need to have a shower.
Buzzing with excitement, I scrub my hair and de-fuzz my whole body, and once I am out of the shower, I slather my body in the lotion that Preston bought me, the scent which used to drive him even more wild. I pick out nice matching underwear, the ones he was always buying me and telling me I couldn’t moan when he ripped them off. Once I’m dressed in my jeans and sweater, I return to the living area, but Aiden still isn’t back.
I call him, but it just rings and I start to get uneasy. Something feels really wrong, so I call Preston.
“Yes.”
“Preston, what time did Aiden leave?” He must realise from my tone that I am starting to panic.
“Ages ago, like well over an hour and a half ago, is he not back?” Oh, my goddess, where is my brother, what has happened?
“No, he isn’t here, Preston. Something has happened, I can feel it. What should I do?” Preston starts delegating; he is the Beta of our pack and knows exactly what to do.
“Red, calm down. It’s going to be ok; we’ll find him. I need you to keep a level head. Can you get a small group and come and protect your future Luna? I will head back the way he should have gone and see if I can sniff something, but I can’t leave Eva exposed. Aiden really will kill me then.” I give a small laugh, but my eyes quickly fill with tears again, and I shake my head at myself. Now isn’t the time for us, we have to find Aiden before something bad goes down.
“I’m on my way, Beta Preston, my head is in the game.”
He chuckles as he says, “That’s my girl,” and my heart beats faster.
“I’ll always be your girl, Preston,” I tell him.
Ok, it’s not the declaration of love he deserves, but it’s a baby step in the right direction.